


Statistics

by Rainboq



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Rewind Time Powers (Life is Strange), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CW Internalized Transphobia, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Eventual Smut, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Trans Female Character, cw transphobia, descriptions of violence, trans!Chloe AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 62,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq/pseuds/Rainboq
Summary: Chloe Price is a young trans woman just trying to survive.It isn't going very well.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price, Victoria Chase/Kate Marsh
Comments: 404
Kudos: 341





	1. Under the Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the people I lost along the way.

Chloe Price is used to nothing going her way - dead dad, best friend moves away, mom marries a shit bag, expulsion, missing other best friend. What she didn’t expect was coming out ending with her being fucking _homeless_ and mooching off Frank Bowers. That last part had been surprisingly easy; when she’d told him the story three years ago, he’d practically exploded, ranting about how family was supposed to look out for each other. _Guess not for people like me._

At least Frank always hooked her up with what she needs gratis, even pays for the fucking doctor. She’d never expected that from his hardass demeanor, but he’d also killed his boss to protect her, so what did she know. At least Pompidou likes her, on the bad days he cuddles her and tries to get her to play with him, provided Frank is in a mood where he even lets her into the RV.

At least there’s no snow on the ground yet, so it’s not so bad. Rachel got her a thick sleeping bag when the faculty had had enough of her sleeping in the dorms. Given what had happened Rachel’s parents weren’t about to let her into their house, so until the snow falls she sleeps under the bridge leading into Arcadia. Her few remaining possessions stuffed into her stolen backpack, her precious pills sealed away in the bottom and the solar panel on top keeping her phone charged in the day.

In a few weeks she’ll have to break into the hunter’s cabin again for shelter, not that he’ll notice. The place was so dusty with disuse that she’d spent days coughing as she cleaned. But she didn’t dare stay there in summer, the risk was too high.

Her whole body burned for her to escape to somewhere, anywhere but Arcadia Fucking Bay. Everyone here knows her as the dropout homeless freak who is the local dealer’s lacky. Nobody would dare offer her a job, and she’s not about to ask just to get rejected again like everyone else rejected her. The phone buzzes. Her eyes crack open from her mental pity fest and she looks at the display.

 **Joyce** 9:30 AM

Cole please come home; we can talk about this. I’m worried about you.

The name is like a hot knife in her chest and her brain revolts at the label. It’s all she can do to not throw the phone and smash it on the concrete.

 **Chloe** 9:38 AM

use my real name and maybe.

She won’t, like the last few fucking dozen times they’ve had this exchange. The reply is automatic. No peace can be had until they’re going to treat her like a fucking human being. She once tried to teach David what it felt like. She got a black eye for her trouble.

“Fuck, I guess I’m awake then,” Chloe says to nobody in particular. With more than a few grumbled words she slips out of her sleeping bag and fastens it to her pack. Step one, brush teeth at the fountain in the park. Step two, warm her cold bones in the library until they kick her out like usual, but not before she grabs a new book and returns the current one. Step three, try to get Frank to let her take a shower, then run his dumbass errands with the Blackwell assholes.

Just another fucking day for Chloe Price. At least the pills work, every day she is quietly thankful that she could start as soon as she did, before things started getting worse. Even back then Frank had been helping her out, getting her the shots she needed. She didn’t care to ask how or why, but another day to keep from coming out to her widowed mom was another day she was safe. Her dad had been cool with it, but she’d told him the day before he died.

She can’t shake the feeling that the universe just really hates her, with a passion. There were a lot of hard nights where she nearly ended her tenure as what ever god(s) plaything, usually Rachel had saved her from those. But there's no more Rachel now.

The park is blissfully empty this time of day, the old folks tend to avoid the times she’s usually around. She doesn’t bother them but they avoid her like the freak she is. Doesn’t help that she’s leaning into it with the blue hair and the butch dyke look. Showing off her bra is a special thrill of hers, almost nobody says the wrong bullshit now. The alarm on her phone goes off. First doses of the day. One to keep the bad shit at bay, another to make the good times roll.

The library is similarly quiet, the librarians keep their distances most of the time, they don’t know when she’s last showered but they’re not mean to her. They just don’t want her disturbing the other people, which is fair. Some of the more asshole people in the Bay make a fuss about her, the local embarrassment and failure of the community. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. She didn’t ask to be this way and she isn’t going to stuff herself back into any box for any shitstain with some dumbass opinion. She has enough dumbass opinions in her own brain about what she deserves.

 _Books… Books…_ _I wish this dinky library had more gay shit, I can’t just read Blue is the Warmest Colour for the fiftieth time. Fuck it, I can always just read some pulpy sci-fi bullshit._

“Price. Lemme guess, you need a shower?”

Chloe nods as she approaches his impromptu campsite for the day, pausing to give Pompidou some scratches. “Yeah, getting pretty ripe. Even with the changes I need showers dude.”

Frank nods and motions for her to go in, “go ahead, should be some hot water.”

Chloe doesn’t even bother hiding her relief. _Today is a good day._ “Thanks so fucking much dude.”

The hot water lasted less than a minute, but it’s at least something. Chloe still counts herself so lucky she didn’t get far enough along to have to shave, that would have been a nightmare on drug dealer errand girl money. After a quick dry and making sure everything is back where it’s supposed to go, it’s time for Chloe to get her top-secret mission for the day. “This is an easy one Price, some new girl at Blackwell wants to try weed for the first time. I fixed that bad bearing on your board so you should be able to make it there in no time.”

Chloe nods, still basking in the power shower glow. “Sounds good, deliver weed, bring back cash, get my cut.”

Frank smiles, things going smoothly is exactly what he wants to hear. “Yup, and with any luck my supply issues will unfuck themselves and we can start making some real dough. Maybe get you some actual wheels.”

This isn’t the life she wanted or even could have predicted, but at least she’s breathing at all. She knows the odds for people like her suck for that anyways. The code name is Briard, something to do with the girl’s hair being a brown shaggy mop. The code names are dumb, she knows most of the Blackwell crowd anyways but Frank insisted on it. _Weed delivery girl, here to save your boring asses from school._

She resists the urge to pull a trick as she skates into the Blackwell parking lot. This is business, not pleasure. She used to panic about David causing trouble, but then she found out he’s too chicken shit to try anything. Through the grapevine she heard that Joyce was beyond furious with him for actually forcing her out of the house and any more fucking with her will lead to a divorce. Not that the divorce would get Chloe back in that nightmare of a house without her mom smartening the fuck up. She pulls out the flip phone burner and sends Briard the usual “Here” message and waits, leaning against the far wall of the parking lot. A couple minutes later she sees the shaggy brown hair coming down the steps to the parking lot. An old memory twinges in the back of her mind and she stops leaning against the wall, concern starting to fill her thoughts. _I know that hair…_ She struggles to put the pieces together until she sees the girl’s face. Then she knows and panic seizes her. Her eyes dart for any exit. Her breathing starts hitching and coming in ragged bursts. _Out, need out, fuck the weed._ She starts moving to go but it’s too late. Max Caulfield has seen her.

“Co-” the sounds slice through the air and she feels the hot knife of that fucking name about to land in her guts again that day, only for Max to stop, just kind of awkwardly staring at her.

Chloe closes her eyes before turning to face Max, trying to fight down the icy terror with deep breaths. As much as she’d missed Max, she had hoped to never face this moment, where Max would shatter their childhood together by not seeing who she was. Instead here she is, stuck in this moment as she opens her eyes and braces for the worst. “H-hey Max… Guess you’re back in town then.”

Max nods, the bewilderment on her face is not subtle at all as she watches Max’s eyes dart over her. To her relief, the younger girl is still ever the dorkasaurous. “H-hey yourself… I tried to message you on Facebook when I came back but it was deleted.”

 _Oh, sure. NOW you want to talk._ “I, er… deleted it. Not the real me.”

Max just nods, her bewilderment fading as she tries to smile. “And who is the real you?”

Her breath catches in her throat at the question, is this real or is she still dreaming? “Chloe. I’m Chloe. I’m a girl.”

Max’s attempted smile fades into an actual one as she says the name a few times. “Chloe… Chloe… Definitely a better fit. You never were good at the whole ‘being a boy thing.’ The blue hair is also really nice.”

Chloe really, really wants to cry at that, she just needs to get away. “Y-yeah, sure fucking did. I… uh…”

Max’s smile turns to ash as she looks at Chloe. “You’re pitbull?”

 _Stupid fucking code names._ “Yeah, weed on wheels and all that garbage.”

“Chloe, why are you doing this? I expected you to be off at college or something, or being a mechanic…”

Chloe can’t even pretend to hide the bitterness in her voice. Just another wasteful queer tragedy, that’s all she is. “I would be, but shit happened Max.”

Max’s face puts her on the edge of breaking down and crying, the look of empathetic pain for her, for what she could have been. “W-what happened Chloe?”

She doesn’t have time for this, not now. The need to escape is fire in her veins. “I’ll… tell you later. My number is still the same and junk. I’ve got shit to do. I’ll come find you afterwards, okay?”

Max nods as she starts fishing out some bills, Chloe takes the money and feels dirty, so fucking dirty right now. “S-sure Chloe.”

Chloe nods, her entire body just screaming at her to leave. “Save it for later Max, I’ll show you how to use it properly.”

Max nods as she stuffs the baggy into her bag. “I’d… like that. I’m sorry Chloe.”

Chloe wants to scream at her that a sorry doesn’t fucking cover what she’s done, but she can’t. After everything, Max vanishing when Chloe needed her most isn’t even in the top five reasons Chloe is beyond fucked up. “It’s… fine Max. Welcome to the real me I fucking guess. Now I gotta go back to the boss man.”

The entire ride back her mind is just screaming like a banshee. It’s not even the usual coherent thoughts of how worthless she is, how she deserves to die in the cold and how much better off she’d be dead. This is just fire in the mind, aimless anguish and rage about shit that she can’t even try to process, doesn’t want to. Last time she tried ended with the scar on her ankle. Max was at least polite to her, most of the Blackwell shitstains are, if they want their drugs and to not have a pissed off Frank. Even fucking _Nathan_ uses her name. What a shitpit of an existence, struggling to get people to use her fucking _name_ like an actual real life human being. She’s not going to end it though, she promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t just end up some number on a fucking graph of the kids who didn’t make it. Fuck that. She’s going to live to spite every last asshole who thinks she’s a waste of space. Herself included.

“So, that new client Frank? That one friend I had that moved the fuck away.”

Frank actually looks shocked, which is something of a surprise, usually his dial is set to either angry as fuck or smug as fuck. “Well… shit Price. I had no idea; I wouldn’t have had you do that if I’d have known… Did she take it well?”

Chloe nods, easing down into the lawn chair next to him. “Y-yeah. Didn’t even fully say the wrong name, just dropped it. She got fucking cute too.”

Frank snorts, knocking back a swig of whatever piss cheap beer he managed to scrounge or steal. “I could tell you had the hots for her Price, you never shut the fuck up about her.”

Him saying out loud makes it real, and it can’t be fucking real. “There’s no fucking way Max would want someone like me.”

Frank just rolls his eyes. “If you bust out the ‘not a real woman’ shit I’m going to get really fucking mad. Chloe. You’re a fucking woman, don’t take that shit.”

All she can do is sigh. She won’t say the words bouncing around in her head because she knows Frank gets all crazy mad about it. He knows it and just shakes his head. “Get in the RV and cuddle Pompidou or something. I’ll do shit myself until you can chill.”

She nods, mumbling something about seeing Max later as she retreats into herself, sheltering from the storm in her brain as Frank puts a blanket over her and Pompidou curls up on her chest. It’s better than being alone, she knows that much.

She wakes up, rubbing her eyes. _Shit… when did I pass out?_ Frank and Pompidou aren’t there and the sun is still up. _Right, Max._ She checks her phone, there’s a few texts from Max. Mostly just saying how happy she is to see her again. There’s even a screenshot showing that she updated the name in her contact list. That gets her crying again, she knows it shouldn’t, someone using her name for things shouldn’t make her cry, it should just be normal. But it’s not and she cries anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "(Under the bridge downtown) Is where I drew some blood  
> (Under the bridge downtown) I could not get enough  
> (Under the bridge downtown) Forgot about my love  
> (Under the bridge downtown) I gave my life away"  
> \-- Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
> 
> Huge thanks to K for editing this.
> 
> This isn't going to update weekly like I've been managing to do for Chloe and the Beast, writing this isn't easy for me so it'll update as I find the time. I will finish it though. I plan to finish every fic I post.
> 
> If this fic speaks to you, please, please, please donate to donate to trans charities in your area. A lot of trans people out there need the help.
> 
> Finally, I welcome all comments, share your thoughts and feelings. Feedback really helps motivate me.
> 
> Edit 05/09/2020: Holy crap the ever wonderful [Blu has graced this fic with her art!](https://blusthings.tumblr.com/) If you like it, seriously consider supporting her!


	2. My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe catch up.

Chloe sits at the lighthouse, her fingers beating a tattoo into the wood of the bench. It used to be an open bench, but when she’d been caught sleeping on it a bunch, they put a fucking railing in the middle of it like she was some hostile thing to be kept out of sight.

It’s not like she had options, the Salvation Army fucksticks still refuse to help her for who she is beyond the soup kitchen. The hatred in their eyes might as well be a huge neon sign but food is food and sometimes Frank doesn’t have the supply to give her enough to eat off of. He always offers to share his food, but there’s only so much fucking beans she can handle.

She remembered what it was like before she figured out how to fish without a rod, being able to count her ribs, all the development being set back by the malnutrition. At least things are better now, and if Frank can fix the problems then maybe she can start sleeping in an honest to fuck vehicle.

With a shake of her head she sends the thoughts scattering. _Come on, we’re meeting Max. Don’t be a total fucking downer._

“Hey Chloe!”

 _Speak of the devil…_ She stands up, stretching out the stiffness from her earlier nap. She gets a proper look at her now, given she isn’t in the middle of a panic attack. Max just looks like… Max. Brown hair, adorable freckles, blue eyes, shy but hopeful look on her face. And her fashion sense is completely unchanged with the hoodie, print T and jeans. That familiarity of it is comforting at least, even if Max is all grown up now and super fucking cute. “Hey Max.”

Max keeps on walking, violating the normal bubble of avoidance people give her, it’s a little unsettling, even if she knows that Max is completely harmless. “Sooo… Is a hug out of the question?”

 _Oh._ Chloe just opens her arms before nearly falling over from the force of the hug. Max always did love hugging her, but this almost feels like there’s desperation behind it. “Whoa! Hey! I missed you too Max.”

Max relents, a bit of a sheepish grin on her face. “Sorry, just… I should have gone looking for you when I got here, like asked Joyce about your or something…”

 _Shit, there goes any semblance of a good mood._ She sighs, that particular pain point has been picked so raw she can’t even feel anything about it anymore, but it snuffs out all her other feelings in the process. “Joyce… We don’t talk anymore. I don’t live there anymore.”

Max’s eyes go big and worried like she used to when Chloe started getting into trouble when they were kids. “Where are you living then?”

What answer can she give Max to that? Yet another question that stings, like the inevitable stupid questions about surgeries she can never afford and pills and… Another sigh escapes her lips and she just kind of sweeps her arms across Arcadia Bay down below. “Around, I guess.”

Max freezes up, looking like she just watched someone kick a puppy. “I-I can’t believe _Joyce_ would do that to you.”

Chloe sits back down on the bench heavily, trying to not let all the pain show. It’s hard. “Believe it Caulfield. She married an asshole who hit me to ‘man me up’ before tossing me out and she won’t even say my fucking name. Keeps dropping stupid shit about wanting someone she never had back.”

 _Don’t cry Chloe, don’t fucking cry._ She turns her head to look at Max, her eyes already starting to sting. Max has that deer in the headlights look she always got when she was trying to find the right words to tell someone. But there’s no right words here. Everything is fucked up and no magical sentence is going to make it better. “I’m… You don’t deserve this Chloe, you don’t deserve to be homeless.”

 _There it is, that fucking word. Like I don’t belong if I don’t have a fucking roof over my head._ She chokes back a growing sob and curls into herself. “I’m not homeless, I have a home. It’s wherever I damn well please it to be.”

That her ‘home’ is either under a cold bridge, Frank’s couch or an abandoned cabin is neither here nor there. Max nods, she doesn’t look well herself, like she’s on the brink of running away crying for saying the wrong thing like when they were little. “Look… I didn’t mean to snap at you, I just hate that word. I hate a lot of words if I’m being honest. Let’s start over, okay?”

Max nods, a sleeve wiping across her face before she takes a seat next to Chloe. “Y-yeah. Sorry. I’d like that.”

Chloe nods, a pit in her chest as she tries to recenter herself and not be such a colossal fuckup for Max. “Like I said, shit happened. It is good to see you again; I was kind of terrified you’d reject me.”

Max shakes her head so hard it reminds her of Pompidou after a bath. “What?! No Chloe, I’d never do that. _Especially_ not to you. I hardly recognized you, just your eyes made me realize it. They were always so beautiful, they’re hard to forget.”

The idea of Chloe and beautiful in the same zipcode makes her laugh. “You always were a fucking little poet you dork. I figured out who you were because of those cute ass freckles.”

Max snorts and shakes her head. “Stop it, they are so not cute… But this? You? This… makes sense. You were acting so weirdly the last like… year before I moved.”

“At least you and Dad noticed. Mom still has her head in the god damn sand. I’m not sure if it’s because of where she comes from or David is just feeding her all this gross right-wing nonsense.” _Fuck I just can’t stay off the pity party can I._

Max pauses, doing the whole thinking on her words again thing. “I… You turned out great Chloe. When I first saw you, I nearly ran away because of how pretty you are.”

Now _that_ is funny. Or at least she finds it too funny as she belly laughs. Max just looks startled but she can’t stop, the laughter explodes out of her like a fire hose. _Max was all intimidated by fucking_ ME _?!_

After a couple minutes and being unable to breath she manages to calm herself down, wiping away a tear from the laughter. “S-sorry Max, but that’s fucking ridiculous. Why the hell would you run away for _that_?”

Max just stares at the ground, her feet shuffling in the well treaded soil. “I… I dunno, I just panic around girls a lot. I remember when we were little I panicked around you a _lot_.”

The validation is nice, even if she doesn’t trust it. “You’re really taking the whole I’m a girl thing really easily…”

Max just shrugs, her feet drawing strange patterns in the dirt. “I… I’d always wished you kind of were, I guess? I could tell you were always so unhappy when your parents or the teachers made you do ‘boy’ things. Remember how you trashed the place so they wouldn’t make you get your hair cut when you were ten?”

Chloe remembers, it’s wasn’t her… proudest moment, she doesn’t even keep her hair that long anymore. But back then having her hair cut was like sheering away something essential to her. “Heh. Yeah, I remember, Joyce was sooooo pissed. I wish I’d managed to put it into words earlier, I told my dad right before… We were supposed to have a big family discussion about it, but that never happened and I didn’t want to talk about it with mom…”

She should stop herself, she knows this, don’t just dump all this trauma on Max, but she can’t stop it. Frank won’t talk about this shit with her, and the social worker doesn’t give the slightest shit about her.

The whole fucking sad story comes out, her mom refusing to take her to the doctor for blockers, so she went to the local drug dealer instead, who took pity on her sorry ass in exchange for the promise of working for him in the future. Yeah it was shitty and she knows he’s using her, but it’s better than the alternative. So, her sordid tale goes, pouring out of her.

She manages to keep Max from the worst of it, from the way David used to beat her to why she has scars around her ankles. By the end of it, they’re both crying, Max holding her tight across the rail in the bench.

It feels good, actually telling someone. Like she’d be carrying this around like a big rock in her pack. Now most of it’s out there in the open. It’s not some burden she needs to carry anymore, not some shitty past she needs to hide from everyone. She wraps an arm around Max, desperately wishing that the stupid railing wasn’t there. “S-sorry, didn’t mean to just… dump that on you.”

Max pulls her face out of Chloe’s side, her own face is red with tears but set with a fierce, determined look. “You didn’t deserve any of that Chloe. I know you, you were always a sweet and kind person, you deserved so, so much better… And I’m going to make that happen."

Chloe can’t help the bitter laugh. In their childhood Max had helped every single woodland critter in need she ever found, now Chloe was the latest. “What am I Max, a fucking pity project? At least I know Frank is using me to shuttle drugs around. What the hell are you getting out of helping me?”

She winces internally at the venom in the words, she doesn’t mean it, not really. But the voice in the back of her head knows that nobody does anything for anyone for free, there’s always a motive. Max’s bottom lip quivers but she doesn’t relent. “I’m helping a dear old friend. That’s what I get out of it.”

More bitter laughs. “No. Seriously Caulfield. What do you want for helping me? Nobody does shit for free and I don’t want them to anyways, just makes me feel like a burden and guilty as shit.”

Max closes her eyes and sighs before reaching into her bag and pulling out an old as shit camera. _So very Max._ “You get to model for me then. I need to take pictures for class and you can help me with that.”

The relief from having something to give back to Max is palpable. She doesn’t even need to find something for her to steal or scrounge up the cash for somehow. “I mean if you wanna take pictures of the filthy hobo, go right the fuck ahead.”

“Chloe, don’t call yourself that. Ever since we were kids there was just something so real about you that I always wanted to take your picture. Like there was something calling me to.”

The idea that pictures of her from before are in Max’s collection make her guts twist in shame and anxiety. She just has to ask. “D-do you still have the old pictures?”

Max looks like she’d been preparing for this. “I _had_ them up on the wall in my dorm… Then I saw you again and took them down. They just feel… wrong now. So, I’ll take new photos of you, for my wall and for my class.”

“I want you to burn them.” There, she’s said it. She wants every shred of that old tattered lie gone. Sometimes she gets the urge to burn her old house down because of it, but despite everything she can’t do that to Joyce.

Max nods, as if that’s a perfectly reasonable request. “Do you want to be there when I do it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When they come for us, they'll come with hammers and nails
> 
> My darling, the devil knows my name  
> My name  
> My name"  
> \-- The Garden - The Crane Wives


	3. Torn, Tattered and Stained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe shows Max her life after destroying traces of the old.

Looking through the old photographs might as well be the same as making fresh scars. Every picture of her old lie is another pinprick of mental agony as she picks out any with her dad in them.

She’s not going to give up any memories of him. Not ever. The only member of her family to ever acknowledge her for who she really is. He actually called her his daughter, she long ago gave up hope of Joyce saying that.

Those words make her want to just curl up in a ditch and cry for days. She used to sometimes, but she can’t lose that much time. So, Max starts cutting her out of the old photographs, removing the stain from them so she can just have her dad again. Eventually the pile is sorted, and it’s time for the burning to begin.

On some level, she feels guilty of robbing Max of her old memories. But getting rid of the pain overrides that. She can make new memories with Max, and maybe somehow Max will make things better for her. She isn’t sure how, but in this small cozy dorm room, she feels safe. Like she hasn’t since Dad was alive. If it wasn’t for David, she’d probably move the fuck in with Max’s permission, not that Max would say no. Not given her situation.

She sits over the trash can, window open and a fan behind her as she lights up the first photograph. She watches the flames spread, the edges curling inwards and the film bubbling as the fire consumes it. Consumes her unwanted past. It’s addicting and she lights the next one with the fire from the photograph, letting its ashes drop into the empty basket before they can burn her. She needs to keep this cleansing fire going. Churning through photograph after photograph of her shitty old self. Max burned through film like crazy back then, so she’s got no shortage of kindling. Until she’s out of it.

A sick part of her wants to spread the fire onto herself, let it finally cleanse her and wipe her away from this shit ass world. The whole exercise is probably supposed to have been therapeutic, but now she just wants to start a huge ass fire like Rachel did three years ago. Let the whole town learn what it’s like to have nothing anymore. She fights the thought down. Nobody should ever be in her situation. When her voice comes it’s just above a whisper. “It’s done.”

There’s a click and whirr from a camera behind her. She wheels, and sees Max offering her a small collection of photographs. She’d been so wrapped up in her pyromania she’d utterly failed to notice Max photographing her doing it. “I figured I’d start with you getting rid of the old.”

“I like it Max. Always the fucking artist. What’s next, photographing where I sleep?”

The answer, apparently, is yes. Max follows her out to her little shitty hideaway under the bridge, a nest made from balled up newspapers on the concrete. Max swallows hard, her fingers drumming on her camera as Chloe watches her, waiting for the judgement. _I am a literal bridge troll._

But Max offers her no judgement. “Well, I guess it is technically a roof over your head… What are you going to do when it starts snowing Chloe?”

“Break and enter. There’s a cabin up in the woods that nobody ever goes to. Even has an old rifle I go hunting with.”

Max just kind of stares at her, all she can do is shrug. “I don’t always do it, sometimes I go down to the town and go to the soup kitchen. Frank gives me a shitload of canned goods on the first snow. The less I have to leave there, the less likely I’m going to be found. It’s got a well and a stove, all I gotta do is chop wood and I can live there.”

Max’s lip quivers, “I can’t let you do that Chloe… We’ll find you somewhere better to live this winter.”

She snorts, rolling her eyes. “Like where? Your fucking dorm room? I’m sure as hell not living with Frank. He’s unstable at best.”

Max’s face goes all serious again. “I could… try talking to Joyce?”

The bitter laughter comes back, that and anger are all she has for that name anymore. “Sure, be my fucking guest. You’re going to get the same misgendering bullshit about being the last piece of Dad she has left. I wouldn’t go back into that fucking awful house anyways, not after David has been polluting it with his asinine bullshit.”

The words just kind of bounce off of Max, she knows when the girl has a plan and isn’t about to let anyone stop her. “I need to try Chloe. Maybe we can find a way to get you an apartment at least.”

“Fine, I need to catch dinner anyways.”

Max follows her to her fishing spot like a lost puppy, her camera going the whole time. She probably should be annoyed about it, but this was their deal and she’s glad to give something back for once. As she pulls out the line and ties the #6 hook on, Max gives her a quizzical look. “I thought you needed a fishing rod or something.”

Chloe’s laugh isn’t bitter this time, it’s just amused. “Nah, I just wear some thick leather gloves and pull the line in myself. It’s not so hard. If you can manage to tear yourself away from the camera, find me some kindling. Use the hatchet in the top pouch to split it up.”

She baits and casts the line out, perching on the rocks as the ocean swells below her. She just does as she does, Max doesn’t want her posing so she doesn’t. She doesn’t even look to see if Max is making the kindling or not, she’s focused on catching them supper. She does, her arms aching and her back slick with sweat from the fights with all the surfperch. But this’ll feed them both nicely. She returns back to shore with the small brace of fish and pulls out her stolen filleting knife from her bag. She hasn’t eaten this well in a while, totally worth the lost hooks and sinkers. They’re not exactly hard to replace. Max watches her with wide eyes, snapping the occasional picture as guts one fish after another and prepares them before going to her usual firepit.

 _So she DID make the kindling. Good._ Chloe quickly gets the fire going and pulls the also stolen skillet off the side of her bag. Before long the fire is roaring and the fish is sizzling on the pan. The smell makes her stomach growl and she doesn’t bother trying to not drool. The past few weeks had been pretty slim on catches, but Max just has that Irish luck. “Hope you’re hungry Max, because these are some good eats.”

Max smiles, her face still pale from Chloe’s earlier handwork with the knife. “I’ll give it a try.”

“Damn right you will, tonight we eat like queens.”

She doesn’t like the hollow sound in her laugh.

Max likes the food well enough, even though Chloe has nothing to season it with. “You’re definitely a better cook than me Chloe.”

Chloe just shrugs. “You do this enough, that happens. Now, you wanted to try pot?”

Max coughs, staring at Chloe. “R-right… I think I’m going to hold off on that for now.”

Chloe shrugs, tearing off another bite of the fish. “Your loss Caulfield. When you’re ready let me know… Why did you want to anyways?”

Max sighs, staring at her feet. “I had… art block. I was hoping it would help me find some inspiration, but I found you instead.”

Chloe snorts, she can’t help rolling her eyes. “I’ve heard that first bit from so many artsy fuckers in the bay to justify trying some pretty hard shit. But of course, you’re so innocent you try pot for it. Heh.”

She sees Max bristle for a moment before sighing. “You’re right. You always were right. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Chloe nods sagely, like she of all people is some dispenser of wisdom. “We’ll get you toking when you’ve got a day off or something to just chill and enjoy the high.”

In a few hours she’s alone again. Max safely escorted back to her dorms and texting her from her warm comfortable room. It’s just bullshit, Max filling her in on how shitty Seattle was without her, how she had no real friends and came back to Arcadia for photography.

Chloe just lays on her newspaper mattress, curled up tight in the sleeping bag to hold in the warmth and keep out the damp. She doesn’t care that her battery is dying, her battery bank is charged up from all the walking around that day. Max is back and accepts her. Someone actually accepts her from the before. Before she became Frank’s fucked up proxy.

Having someone actually give a fuck about her should make her happy, but instead she just tries not to cry. As her brain crawls with all the millions of ways she’s going to fuck this up. She’s going to snap and push Max away like she did that one Christian girl who tried to help her. She’s going to fall back into the harder drugs that Frank has. She’s going to get lost in the bottle again just to stop feeling anything. She’s going to hurt herself again.

But how can she tell Max that? She’s not going to tell her about the fire buzzing in her brain about how she kills and ruins everything she touches. That she deserves to be a fucking bridge troll. So, she just bullshits, catches up. Fills Max in on local gossip and nice spots for photography, promising to show her some.

It’s nice, despite everything. She gently prods Max more about their earlier conversations, about how Max had wished Chloe was a girl. She doesn’t get much; the girl could always be damn cryptic when she wanted to be. Just that it ‘made some things make more sense’. Whatever the fuck that means.

Max mentions the classmates she’s getting along with, some mousey little Christian girl, some cheerleader type, a goth who just spends all day staring at her poetry. And some guy named Warren who she call tell has a massive crush on Max even if she herself doesn’t know it.

The idea of a guy with Max makes her stomach burn and she pushes those old feelings down. People don’t want a freak like her. _Max_ isn’t going to want her that way. She deserves someone better, someone whole. She can hear Frank and Rachel yelling at her already, even if neither of them is here.

She also doesn’t tell Max that, just letting the girl bullshit until sleep takes her before she lets herself rest as best she can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Or are you a stranger without even a name,  
> Forever enshrined behind some old glass pane,  
> In an old photograph torn, tattered, and stained,  
> And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame."  
> \-- The Green Fields of France - Dropkick Murphys


	4. The Least I Could Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max tries to help.
> 
> Results are mixed.

Max’s brilliant plan is a dismal fucking failure. Which she’d predicted. Chloe had watched from down the street as Max marched into the Two Whales like a woman on a mission, and then fifteen minutes later she comes storming out, tears streaming from her face. Chloe can’t help the pity she feels. Rachel tried the same thing a whole bunch before she up and vanished. Same result.

That either of them tried is a wonder to her. Some people just don’t know how to not pick at a wound. Max crashes into her, all blubbering and ‘I’m so sorry’s flying around like it’s all her fault this didn’t work, that if she’d just been able to find the right words, she’d have been able to mend this rift like it’s her wound to heal. It’s not, she knows exactly who’s fault this is and she sees her come out of the dinner, calling after Max.

Joyce freezes when she sees Chloe and she starts running over, calling a name that burns in her ears and brain like acid. Eating away at the numbness she was feeling and bringing the pain back. She restrains herself to only flipping Joyce off. Max is here and she doesn’t need more pain or to see what Chloe’s like when Joyce tries to force things. So she turns with Max, leading her away from the whirlwind of pain that is the diner and the Joyce who looks like someone kicked her dog. Like somehow this is Chloe’s fault.

She keeps telling herself it’s not, but she can’t stop thinking it is. If she was just normal, if her brain wasn’t stuffed into the wrong meat sack, if she wasn’t what she is, none of this pain would have happened. She’d be normal, she’d be Joyce’s daughter. Maybe her dad wouldn’t be dead. Maybe maybe maybe. She barely pays attention to Max’s recounting of the encounter. She knows it by now, chapter and verse. Joyce refuses to use her name. Her pronouns. Keeps refusing to call her daughter. Keeps bringing up Dad. Not budging an inch. Insisting that Chloe is still her old lie. Max cries and cries and cries as they walk, like she expected to magically solve this problem. Chloe leads her to a small park that most people don’t go to and sits with Max under a tree, letting the girl keep apologizing and crying. She’s just numb.

“It’s okay Max. Seriously. I didn’t expect things to change. Not now.”

Max sniffles and blows her nose in a tissue from a box Chloe had snagged off Frank that morning because she knew it was going to go this way. “I-I just wanted to help. Y-you were my friend and helped me th-through so much when we were kids and I-I just wanted to help you. And she just yelled at me and tried to insist that it wasn’t my business.”

Chloe sighs as she gently strokes a hand through Max’s hair like when they were kids and Max was having one of her meltdowns after a kid bullied her. “Max, it’s fine. You tried, that’s more than most people have ever done for me. The whole fucking town knows what’s up and they say nothing Max. I’m the failure of Arcadia Bay and the only people who care are the local skeezy drug dealer, Rachel and you. You talking to Joyce isn’t going to fix this. She has to accept things for that to even start and she isn’t going to and I’m not about to undo who I am to make her or anyone happy.”

Max just slumps into her and Chloe enjoys the feeling of another human against her for the first time since Rachel left. At least the pressure is nice. Max’s smell is nice, earthy with a hint of tea and vanilla. Nothing over powering or presumptuous. She just wants to laze with her in the gentle autumn breeze and the gentle morning sun. It’s a nice change, Frank even gave her the day off so she could reconnect with Max. She leans back into her pack, letting it act as a back rest as Max curls into her like when they snuck into each other’s rooms during sleepovers because being forced into separate rooms was such utter fucking bullshit.

Moments don’t last though. Happiness sure as fuck never does. No matter how hard she tries to savour this, to make it last, time stops for no woman. As she watches the sun crawl through the sky, she knows Max’s next class is coming soon. She needs _this_ moment captured. This moment of defeat that means more to her than any small victory of another meal, another refill on her pills. “Max, can you take a picture of us, like this?”

Max nods, removing her face from Chloe’s side. She’d tried Chloe’s chest but ended up going completely red when she felt the proof that Chloe is a woman. Without a word Max pulls out her camera and does her best to smile as she snaps the image. For her part, Chloe doesn’t bother doing anything. Max wants her as is so she’s as is. Max shows her the picture and they’re complete opposites, Max is trying to smile but the pain in her eyes at her failure is clear. Chloe though? Chloe looks like her usual pissed off dour self, except looking closely there’s a ghost of a smile, of the good parts of the old her. Her eyes are damn near twinkling next to her usual angry at the world self. “This on should be up on the wall.”

Max has another bright idea to make things better for Chloe, a lunch time tea party with her friend Kate, some Christian girl. Just another thing to go wrong. Kate has to know about Chloe and what she is and people like her don’t like people like Chloe. It’s like some kind of principle or something. Chloe could be all femmed up to the 9s like that pissant Victoria and people like Kate would _still_ hate her guts. But she agrees to go, because it’s better than being left alone with a brain that’s probably going to kill her all on its own.

Instead she ends up in Max’s dorm room while the classes carry on, happy to have access to good wifi and an actual, honest to god bed. With sheets and covers and she falls sleep within moment of her head hitting a clean pillow.

Max gently shakes her awake, a concerned look on her face. “Chloe, are you okay?”

“Mmmmmnyeah wha?” Chloe blinks her eyes open, the bed warm, cozy and sleep already threatening to drag her back under. Max is kneeling over her, her face inches from hers. It’s too close. The cuddling earlier hadn’t been threatening, but this? This is too much. She scoots back, doing her best to drag her weary bones out of the bed so Max isn’t so close to her face. To giving her the kiss she’s spent half a decade yearning for. She doesn’t even know what Max’s preferences are and she’s afraid to even try and find that out. Even if she was interested, Max doesn’t need a drug dealing bum and certainly not someone like her. She’s dead weight, a noose around her neck. Disappointment waiting to happen.

Max notices her panic and recoils herself, a guilty look on her face. “S-sorry Chloe! I just wanted to make sure you were okay… It’s fine if you want to sleep through tea with Kate.”

“No. I want to go Max, I should… try to be friends with your friends. Living with just Frank in my life isn’t… healthy.” Max nods and there’s the sadness again, like Chloe is some old broken toy she wants to fix for old times sake. She’s not _wrong_ , but that just makes it hurt more. _Hurting is better than nothing though._

Chloe climbs out of bed, going to Max’s mirror to try and make herself look halfway presentable with a hairbrush. At least when she looks in a mirror, she sees herself and not the old lies, she’d covered or broken so many mirrors back when she’d been stuck living that lie.

She tries to not notice the gauntness in her face, the way her bones jut out everywhere. She was always skin and bone, but now she has a layer of lean musculature to go with it and everything about her looks ragged. _I’m probably going to need to get more clothes soon…_ At least with Max around she might be able to have a steady source of food. Max pulls out a makeup kit and offers it to her. She sighs, she knows Max is just trying to be helpful. “Sorry Max, I never was a big makeup girl. I’m finally being my real self, I’m not about to cover that up.”

“Oh, shit! Sorry Chloe!” Max fumbles with herself trying to put the makeup back away.

“It’s okay Max, you didn’t mean any harm… Also, she’d better not want me to take my beanie off because we’re inside or something.”

Max snorts, shaking her head. “Kate’s not like that, I think you’ll like her. She’ll want to help; I know that much.”

 _Oh great, another person out to help me for Jesus Points, last time they tried to put me in a shelter with a bunch of men._ Another story she hasn’t told Max, or how the women’s shelter in town refused to take her because of the garbage between her legs. But this person is Max’s friend, so she should at least be civil.

There’s a soft, tentative rap on the door, a voice that’s too familiar drifts through the door. “Max? Are you in there?”

 _Wait, I recognize that voice…_ Max opens the door, all smiles. “Kate this is-”

She stops talking, Kate is staring wide eyed at Chloe, and Chloe is staring back. _FUCK! It’s that fucking Christian girl!_ She watches as Max spins between the pair, realization dawning on her face. Chloe watches Kate’s mouth open and hears that name like a hot poker in her ears, the bile rising in her gut at hearing it again. Her lips twitch into a snarl and she glares daggers at Kate for daring to utter it. Before she can say anything, Max steps between them and faces Kate. “Chloe, her name is Chloe. Don’t call her that.”

Just hearing her name is a salve that eases the pain, that she has an ally to help her in this fight is further relief. Kate’s looks on the verge of tears as she looks between Max and Chloe, her lower lip quivering. Max takes a step closer and the girl bolts for her room. Max deflates and looks over her shoulder to Chloe. “I’ll go talk to her…”

“I hope this talk goes better than the last one Max.”

The words have bite she doesn’t intend, she’s just tired. She knows someone like Kate isn’t going to see her for who she is, they never do. The way Max’s face fills with the determination she had earlier is just too cute. “It will. I know Kate, I’ll bring her around.”

And with that she’s off, on her mission. Chloe closes the door and sits back down on the bed, surveying Max’s room again. The photowall has a whole bunch of new images of her on it. The burning of the old photos, her sitting next to her little bridge hovel, fishing on a rocky outcrop amidst the ocean spray, cooking on her makeshift fire pit. She doesn’t bother looking at them closely, she knows what’s in them. A catalogue of her misery and how she suffers. She busies herself looking at the pictures of Max, and Seattle. She looks so out of place, so alone in each one. She starts out looking vaguely hopeful, but the sadness written on her face is so plain, so is the guilt.

Chloe never expected the guilt, she’d assumed that Max had been too busy having fun in Seattle to talk much and that’s why her texts never got answered. But Max just looks miserable and lonely. Birthdays pass with a small number of teens who are all smiling, but Max’s smile never reaches her eyes. She sees Max’s parents, basically the same as she remembers them. Their home is cozy and similar to their home in the Bay. The only really happy image she sees is Max getting her acceptance and scholarship into Blackwell, there she sees the happy excited girl she remembers from when they played pirates together, roaming around their town on silly adventures. She thinks back to what Max told her, something about a Mr. Jefferson being a fantastic photography teacher.

Max didn’t come back here for her, she came back here for her art. It makes sense but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. What does make it hurt less is seeing Max without her, all miserable and lonely, that just makes her heart ache. _I wonder how different my life would have been if I had gone with them._ She slumps down in the bed, looking over the rest of the room. “Hey Captain.”

She picks up Max’s childhood stuffed bear from his resting place, her fingers feeling the old familiar plush and dozens of memories come flooding back. Memories of happy days playing pirates in the streets, birthdays with just the two of them, blowing up Max’s dolls in her bedroom. _She holds onto so much of the past, even in her photography. Is reconnecting with me holding onto another piece of her past? Letting me burn those photos must have been rough on her…_

She set Captain back down as Max came back into the room, Kate in tow. “Kate has a few things she’d like to say Chloe.”

 _This is going to be good._ Kate was really busy studying her shoes before she balled up her fists and met Chloe’s eyes. _Whoa, little church girl is getting fierce._ “I-I’m so sorry Chloe. My pastor gave me the wrong name and… and my congregation has always told me awful things about people like you. That you were freaks and living in sin…”

Chloe bit back the anger bubbling in her gut at the words. She’d heard them enough from bible thumpers who’d tried to get her to go back to her old lies. “And…?”

“And Max told me the truth about it, about what you’ve been put through. I feel… dirty right now.”

Chloe can’t help shooting Max a perplexed look, the photographer positively glowing with pride. This feels way too simple to be actually over. “I… uh… accept your apology?”

Kate for her part was at least smiling a little bit. “Is… it okay if I ask you questions about it though? There’s a lot I don’t know about… that sort of thing.”

 _There it is, there’s the catch. Ugh, why do I have to be a walking encyclopedia about this shit. The internet exists…_ Max gives her the ‘be nice’ look before she can put her thoughts into words. “…Okay, but I will cut you off if the questions start getting shitty.”

Max claps her hands together to cut off any further discussion. “So, shall we have tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "As if you had to ask  
> I’d turn this world to glass  
> The least I could do  
> I can’t keep my eyes off of you"  
> \-- Price - Koethe Koethe


	5. Straight to the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tea is had.
> 
> Chloe dreams.

“So… how did you know you were a girl?”

Chloe can’t help rolling her eyes. If Kate wanted to get off on the wrong foot, she's sure putting in the effort. “Fuck I dunno, how do you know you’re a girl?”

The question seems to stun Kate, like this was something she’d never even have to consider. _She’s almost definitely never had to think about it. Her church told her everything and she spent her life eating that all up._ “I-I…” The girl looked to Max for help, who was busy sipping her tea. “I guess that’s what I was always told and it fit…”

Chloe nods, talking about gender with cishet people always feels like explaining simple math to small children. “Okay, now imagine for a moment if that _didn’t_ fit. Like every time someone told you that you were a girl, your entire body would scream at the wrongness of it. Every step during puberty would just make your brain scream louder, every piece of wrong clothing makes your skin crawl. That’s how I knew. It’s not like that for everyone, but that’s what it was like for me.”

Kate looks like she’s about to cry again, the hands holding her cup and saucer are shaking so much she’s about to spill her tea. “I-I had no idea. That sounds horrible…”

Chloe just shrugs. “Since I started hormones, I normally don’t get that anymore unless someone uses the wrong name or misgenders me. Then it all starts coming back.”

Kate visibly cringes at the wrong name part and Chloe can’t help but feel a little bit bad for her. “I-I’m sorry Chloe. I didn’t know your actual name… I just wanted to help…”

She takes a sip of her tea, it’s a sweet blend of strawberries and mint that dances on her tongue. Nostalgia for the summer, how fitting for the little hipster that could. Max interjects, probably to avoid Chloe asking a very barbed question about the nature of that help. “She knows you meant well Kate, just…”

“Just I’m an idiot.” Kate volunteers, not even bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

Chloe shrugs and sets her tea down to really look Kate in the eye. “No, you’re not. You were told a… story about people like me all your life by people who you were supposed to be able to trust.”

Kate visibly sags and her voice starts getting choked up. “The God I know wouldn’t hurt people like this for no reason. He’s full of love and joy! He wouldn’t make anyone suffer like you do without some kind of reason to it. I saw your suffering and I thought maybe I could help you but the first thing I did to you was hurt you.”

Chloe’s often thought of the nature of the universe or Gods and their propensity to make people suffer for no reason in particular. The role of cosmic plaything tends to lead to the kinds of thoughts that leave scars on skin. The look Max is giving her warns her to be nice to her friend so she looks for gentler words. They don’t come. “Kate, it’s okay! It’s not like you _wanted_ to hurt Chloe, you were trying to help and made a mistake. Mistakes happen Kate, they’re okay. Chloe forgives you, right Chloe?”

“Yeah, I accepted her apology, didn’t I?”

Kate bites her lower lip as looks up at Chloe, her voice shakey. “Maybe… Maybe all of this is a test by God?”

Chloe could go on a rant about how testing people for crap like this is just straight up abusive. But this is tea time and she’s supposed to be being nice to Kate. If this was a random encounter on a street, she’d probably tear into Kate for making such an asinine statement. What did she have to prove to any God? To anyone for that matter? Instead she shrugs, speaking before taking a bite out of the delicious cookies Kate baked for them. “Maybe.”

  
With tea completed Chloe returns to Max’s room. Chloe takes up the couch because she knows if she touches the bed, she’ll just be asleep again. Max gently closes her door and beams at Chloe. “That went pretty well I think!”

“Went as well as it could. The church crowd are mostly assholes to me, but Kate seems like she’s just naïve, not hateful. Must not have really gotten to her yet.” The bitterness is creeping back in, but being around Max again keeps it down to a dull roar.

Max shrugs, sprawling out on her bed. “Kate is literally the sweetest person I know, she even let you play with Alice.”

Chloe didn’t have the heart to tell either of them that she’d eaten rabbits before, but it was nice to play with someone’s pet other than Pompidou. “What can I say, I’m a real charmer when someone isn’t being an ass to me.”

“More than you know Chloe.”

Chloe coughs in surprise, giving Max a quizzical look as she sits up. “And what is that supposed to mean Caulfield?”

Max just laughs, it’s a nice and sweet thing, a song bird on a spring morning. “When I first saw you, I thought you were some scary drug dealer, all the you I once knew gone. You being… you wasn’t the biggest shock. It was all the tattoos, the hair and the drugs. I was worried the friend I played pirates around the Bay with was all gone but she’s not, just… buried.”

Chloe returns the laugh, it’s genuine, almost bubbly. “What, like treasure?”

Max smiles in a way that makes Chloe’s cheeks burn. “Kinda, yeah. I need a map to find her sometimes but she’s still there.”

She leans her head back onto the top of the couch so Max can’t see how much she’s fucking _blushing_ at this. Part of her wants to yell at her for even thinking someone like her is worth those nice words. “God you are still such a dork Max. But… thanks. Nice to know that I’m not an asshole _all_ the time.”

“You’re not, you’ve been really nice to me since we met. You even showed me where you’re sleeping. I bet you haven’t shown anyone that.”

Max is right, she hadn’t. Not even Frank knows about her double life as the Bridge Troll of Arcadia Bay. “And given what you’ve been through, I’m surprised you even let me in at all. I was expecting you to just shut me out of everything.”

Chloe just shrugs, judging her cheeks were back to normal enough to make eye contract again. Max is smoothing out her blankets with her hands and just generally fidgeting in that cute way that she does. “I mean… I trusted you when we were kids. You never questioned why Captain Bluebeard was a woman, you just accepted it and played along… Guess that’s what you meant by it making sense that I’m trans.”

Max just smiles that little smile again and brushes a lock of hair out of her face. _Is… that the hint of a blush under those freckles?_ “Among other things, yeah.”

“What do you mean ‘among other things’.”

Max pauses and straightens herself up a bit. “I… don’t really know?”

Chloe knows someone evading a point when she sees it. “Bullshit Caulfield. You said that you wished I were a girl yesterday. Why?”

Max freezes up and her eyes dart around like she was just found with her hand in the cookie jar. “I… I saw how unhappy you were whenever they split the class up between boy and girl for gym and stuff. In hindsight it makes the whole thing really fucking obvious, huh. Anyways I really need to get to class Chloe. Feel free to sleep some more or something…”

“Just a lot. I might as well have had a neon sign declaring it; even if I didn’t even know it yet. And get going to class, dork. Don’t let me drag you down.”

Max smiles, saying a quick goodbye before grabbing her bag and dashing out the door. She still hadn’t answered the question, and Chloe really hopes it’s not the answer she thinks it is.

Chloe can’t sleep, instead she crawls through Max’s Facebook history, trying to piece together the girl’s time in Seattle. No boyfriends, not even any girlfriends. No close friends at any rate. A few people made attempts to engage with her wall, most got barely a few words out of Max unless it was a question about photography. Then they got a fucking essay.

None of her pictures really show her close to anyone, never a smile in her eyes or looking like she’s actually having a good time. _Was Seattle really that bad?_ She tries to remember back to the days before Max left. The days around her dad’s death are permanently seared into her mind. First, she knew Max was going so she made sure to remember every last detail, then it was the trauma. The first of many. Max had been kinda sullen and withdrawn, but then every time Chloe saw her Max looked absolutely shattered.

_Did Dad’s death hurt her too? Or was it just she was in the blast radius of my life falling apart? Either way she probably felt guilty as hell for just up and leaving.  
_

The poison of what ifs start clouding her mind. What if Dad had lived? Would Chloe have been able to get care without going through a fucking drug dealer? Would Joyce have accepted her as her daughter? If Max had stayed, would she feel the same way for Chloe that Chloe had felt and did feel for her?

As much as she hated to admit it, she’d had a crush on the befreckled girl for a long, long time. But how could Max like someone like her? The only people who ever showed her any interest were fucking creeps looking for a fetish object. Not someone sweet and kind like Max, not somebody who actually cared. Just another reason to be thankful for Frank. She has nothing against sex workers, buuuuut it’s not her. She definitely doesn’t want to touch any man like that and she doesn’t want to become another tally on a spread sheet because she refused to.

Sleep does eventually claim her, and her old fantasies of Max come crawling back after a half decade of dormancy. Except Max is all grown up now, gorgeous and actually seems to give two shits about Chloe. The dreams drift between peaceful domesticity with an amazing photographer to her destroying Max in bed, her imagination going wild with what it all might look like. She hasn’t dreamt of the future in so long, that it almost startles her awake as dream her wraps her arms around a Max cooking them breakfast, as dream Max hooks her legs behind Chloe as she screams. It’s all exhilarating and wonderful only to end too soon as Max gently shakes her awake again. “Hey sleepyhead.”

The first thing that Chloe notices is that Max’s face is very, very close to her face again. The second she notices is that her tuck came undone while she was sleeping. She’s not sure which is the more pressing issue as she looks up into Max’s ocean blue eyes, she swears she can see a twinkle of something in them, like Max knows something she doesn’t. Normally she’d press her on that, but she needs a moment of privacy to fix her other issue. “H-hey Max. Guess classes are done?”

Max backs off a bit, a shit eating grin plastered all over her face. “Yup, they ended ten minutes ago.”

Chloe’s eyes narrow at her expression but she needs to fix her tuck first. “Can you… turn around for a minute? I need to fix something.”

Her eyes go wide but she nods, spinning to face the wall. “S-sure Chloe, just let me know when it’s safe.”

She grimaces as she fixes what she assumes her dreams undid, keeping everything hidden under the blanket so she doesn’t even have to look. She hates that this is a thing she has to do, even touching it feels gross. Surgery can’t come soon enough, Frank keeps saying that he’s saving the majority of her cut so she can pay for it, but he could also just be scamming it from her. With that ugly business done she sits up on the bed. “All clear Max. What were you all grins about?”

Max spins around, trying and failing to hide the blush in her cheeks. “I… uh… You were calling my name in your sleep.”

 _Oh. Fuck._ Her cheeks start burning. “I, er, uh… I was dreaming of when we were kids.”

The hipster’s smile goes soft and she sits down on the bed next to Chloe. “I want to say better days, but…”

“I had you, my dad and a home. I’d say better days. If he was still alive none of this,” she vaguely gestures at her body, “would have been a problem… At least I got you back.”

The hug is swift and relaxing as Max holds her tight. “You’re not losing me again, I promise.”

Chloe can’t hold in the chuckle as she wraps an arm around Max. “Careful Caulfield, someone might think we’re an item or something.”

Max makes a weird noise but doesn’t break the hug, her face still buried in Chloe’s side. Chloe just assumes she’s crying over guilt or something, like any of this is her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I cut straight to the heart  
> I don't believe the pretty little things that you say  
> I've heard a lot of little pretty things  
> Don't buy me flowers  
> It pains me to watch pretty little things wilt away"  
> \-- Pretty Little Things - The Crane Wives


	6. Tell Him No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe escorts Kate to a Vortex Club party.
> 
> It ends poorly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Slurs

So much for a day off.

Apparently the shithead Vortex club is hosting a party that night and Frank needs her to run them goodies. As much as it sucked having to say her goodbyes to Max after she’d managed to coax the little hipster into doodling on her guitar for her, with the kind of money she’ll get out of running so much she should be able to treat Max to a proper dinner.

She could have sworn that Max really wanted to tell her something, but she hadn’t mustered up the courage to get whatever was on her lips out. Maybe Chloe would coax it out tomorrow. That was future Chloe’s problem though, present Chloe had left her pack with Max so she could make the run quickly, it was an easy excuse to hang with her more.

“Price. You got here fast.”

“Are you complaining that I managed to be on time for once; seriously Frank?”

The man grins savagely as he starts taking the various party favours out and laying them on the table. Each baggie premeasured and labelled with the code names. “Heh, nah. That new girlie of yours must be doing you a lotta good if you’re going to start being punctual.”

“She is _not_ my 'girlie' Frank. She’s just… an old friend.”

He just shakes his head, chuckling. “Sure, you go with that. Here’s everything, I’ll get you a canvas bag to carry it all. Stay off the main roads or you’ll get busted big time.”

“Lotta bags for Rott tonight, guess this is his shitshow?”

Frank steps into his RV, calling out. “How the fuck should I know? You’re the one who knows these little dibshits. I just sell to them.”

Chloe starts mentally labeling everything. There’s the usual stuff for a party, a fuckload of weed, molly, ecstasy, acid. “Frank, what are these weird ass pills for Rott? Never seen this shit before.”

Frank pops out of the RV, gray bag in hand. “Those are his sleeping pills. Doesn’t order them much but when he does, he pays crazy and wants them right the fuck now. Stop asking questions.”

Chloe shrugs, fighting the rising sense of alarm in her mind. Frank would just remind her of the rules against what she’s worried about and how he isn’t that dumb. So, she starts stuffing all the product into the bag so the biggest orders are at the top. Rott always gets his shit first, that’s a rule. Even if she can’t stand looking at him anymore. She has to do it. They need the Prescott cash and Nathan knows not to break Frank’s rules if he wants his supply. It couldn’t have been their drugs he used. “So, you want me to do straight there and back or can I hang and catch up with some people.”

Frank folds his arms. “I don’t fucking care Price, sooner you get back though the sooner you get your cut.”

“Fine, fine, I’m gone.”

Rott isn’t hard to find, he’s standing in the parking lot, hands spasming while looking like someone shoved an entire bee hive up his ass. _Fucking Nathan Prescott. I still can’t believe I used to stand up for your slimy ass._ “Yo. Rott! Special fucking delivery.”

Nathan turns somehow more agitated when he spots her and Chloe starts weighing the odds of just bolting on him. The ‘sleeping pills’ make the idea really tempting. “Where the fuck is Frank?! I told Frank to bring shit to me directly!”

Chloe’s hands fly up as she stays a good distance away. This is different and she does not like it. _So much for pretending that shit never happened._ “Not my fucking problem. Probably doesn’t want to waste any gas when he can get me to do the errands. And no fucking names, you know the rules. Do you want your shit or not?”

Nathan’s hands ball into white knuckled fists before he shakes his head and grumbles. “Fine. I’ll toss you the cash and you give me the shit.”

“I can do that.”

The roll of cash sails through the air and Chloe catches it neatly before quickly flicking through it. If nothing else, Nathan is always good to his word about money. So, she takes out his baggies of funtimes and leaves them on the pavement before backing off. Nathan practically sprints to the sleeping pills, grabbing them off the asphalt like they’re made of gold or something. Chloe’s skin crawls, but she can’t afford to start asking questions, she has a whole bunch more deliveries to make. Victoria, Justin, the usual suspects. Victoria is the usual ice queen, but she needs her powder so she doesn’t make a fuss. The stoner bros are still her bros and after rounds of hugs they get their weed mountain. _Now to stash the cash._

Sneaking into the dorms was a time-honoured Chloe Price and Rachel Amber tradition, but she can extend it to cover Max as well, and with ease she’s back in the girl’s dorms. To her surprise, Kate is in the hallway, exchanging hushed words into another dorm room. “I hope you feel better soon Dana, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Chloe can’t hear the other half, but she can imagine it’s this Dana person bailing on Kate.

“Then who am I supposed to go to the party with?”

Yup.

“I mean, I guess I can ask Alyssa but…”

“Hey Kate.”

The girl nearly jumps out of her skin before wheeling to face Chloe. “O-oh! Hi Chloe!”

“Your friend Dana not feeling well?”

She hears another voice in the room, “Yes… Just throwing up a bunch…”

Kate’s face is all pale, she looks like she just wants to crawl into a hole and die. “S-she said she’d come to the Vortex Club party with me but she obviously can’t right now.”

Well, there’s her excuse to keep tabs on Nathan. “I can keep an eye on you Kate, don’t think you’ll party late.”

Kate’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Oh! Thank you so much!”

Dana chimes in with a very miserable sounding “Thank you Chloe, I owe you…”

“All cool, I’ll go drop some stuff off with Max and we’ll head down.”

Kate nods and hurries off to her room, probably to prepare while Chloe goes and knocks on Max’s door, which opens almost immediately. “Chloe?”

“Hey, sorry to just pop up again so early but I need to stash the cash here so I can keep an eye on Kate at the party.”

Max’s eyes are wide as she looks at the bag over Chloe’s shoulder. “You want to keep drug money here. In my dorm.”

Chloe gives an apologetic shrug. “It’s not like you’re going to get busted Max, hide it well and I’ll be back for it. Then I’ll drop it off with Frank then come back for my stuff.”

Max sighs and just kind of shakes her head. “Okay fine Chloe, just… Don’t let Kate get into any trouble, okay?”

“That’s the plan, thank you so much Max. I’ll make it up to you, dinner on me tomorrow, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Chloe…”

“Then it’s settled. Look, I’ll be able to spare the cash to actually get you a decent meal. It’s the least I can do after you tried to help me today.”

The party is exactly the kind of shit she expected - way too much bass, booze and bad judgement. She just focuses on watching out for Kate; the girl looks so out of place in her modest clothes it’s downright comical. Like a church dance wandered into a night club. A couple of guys try to make passes at her, but when they notice Chloe hovering behind Kate like a very pissed off guardian angel they make a wiser decision.

Things are pretty uneventful except for an ever agitated Nathan, who keeps hovering close to Kate and then fucking off like he’s working up the nerve for something. It’s makes her hair stands on end, but more than a few guys are acting like they want to mess with Kate tonight and Chloe isn’t about to let them. And Nathan _can’t_ be that dumb. After about an hour Kate comes over to her, all smiles. “Thank you so much Chloe! I’m so glad you offered to come!”

“Ehhh, it’s all good, figured I’d do my good deed for the day.”

That gets a musical laugh out of Kate. “You’re such a good person!”

Chloe can’t help snort; Kate obviously doesn’t know she supplied the drugs. “I wouldn’t go that far Kate. You need a drink?”

Kate nods vigorously and Chloe leads her over to the drink table and gets her some of the non-alcoholic punch. Kate downs the thing in gulps and Chloe gets her more, then it’s back to the dancing. And warding away the assholes.

Nathan gets noticeably more fidgety as he closes the distance between him and Kate before backing off again as Chloe starts to move. _Okay then, mucho fucking sketch. He’s definitely up to something with Kate._ Her earlier bad feeling is up to full fuck this alert as she watches the blissful obliviousness of Kate just having fun on the dance floor with her friends. Finally getting to cut lose for probably the first time in her life. _He’s not being a twitchy bastard for no reason. I should get her out of here and fast._ Before she can start to move again, a very high Justin is up in her face. “Heeeeeey Chloooooe! Killer kush you scored us! You gotta take a toke!”

 _Fucking god dammit._ “Really not the time Justin. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

By the time she manages to push the bewildered stoner out of her way, she sees Nathan in action. She watches in what feels like slow motion as the ‘sleeping pill’ tumbles from his hand and into Kate’s cup while he barges his way through her friends. _FUCK!_ She's already moving forwards, grabbing Kate’s drink and wrenching it from her grip. The contents sail through the air and land all over Nathan, the pill not even dissolved. _Oh. Shit._

Nathan wheels; sparks flying from his eyes in rage. When he spots Kate’s now empty cup in her hand, his face goes red. “YOU FUCKING TRANNY DYKE BITCH!”

“RUN KATE!” She pushes the smaller girl behind her as Nathan comes at her, fists swinging in a frenzy.

He obviously isn’t sober so she has an easy time back peddling and weaving away from the wild swings, just trying to buy Kate time. “WHAT’S THE MATTER FRANK’S WHORE?! YOU FUCKING SCARED?!”

She side steps another wild swing, desperately looking for an exit. It isn’t that she doesn’t know how to fight, Frank had taught her. It’s that she doesn’t want to face David _after_ the fight! “BACK OFF YOU FUCKING CREEP! YOU TRIED TO DRUG KATE!”

The line turns Kate’s friends who had been watching in shock from bystanders into allies and the larger one with purple frosted tips cannons into his back, her own fists swinging. Chloe isn’t about to the squander the opportunity and she bolts across the party towards the dorms, hoping Kate had gone the same way. When she bursts out into the cool night air she fishes out her phone. She has to give Frank the heads up on this, he always talked about never giving anyone roofies. That was a fucking rule. He picks up after a few rings and she slows to a jog so she could actually explain things. “What the fuck Price?”

“Nathan tried to use those 'sleeping pills' on a fucking student at the party.”

“Whoa whoa, the fuck?!”

“I saw it Frank. I managed to get rid of the drink…” She can’t keep the nervous quake from her voice, “but it ended up all over Nathan and now he probably wants to fucking kill me.”

The swearing on Frank’s end is impressive, she could swear some of it wasn’t even in English. As she rounds the main building, he manages to say something useful. “I’m coming. Have the money and you’d better hope I get there before the fucking pigs do.”

Before she can respond the line goes dead and she's in a dead sprint towards the dorms. She spots Kate just outside and she gives the girl a shout, “Keep going! Get into your room and stay there!”

Kate doesn’t argue, she’s too busy bawling as Chloe grabs her arm and hustles her up the stairs. They burst into the hall, Max stands there, her eyes wide with panic and camera in hand. “Chloe?! What’s with the shouting?”

“Nathan tried to drug Kate, I stopped him. I need the money fucking now. I’ll grab my stuff.”

Max looks like she has a million questions but she does as she's asked, but not before snapping a picture. Kate makes for her own room with tears streaming from her face and stammered ‘thank you’s on her lips. “Just… sit tight Kate, I can’t stick around but I’ll get Max to look after you.”

Chloe wastes no time in heading over to Max’s room and scooping up her life, pausing only to catch the thrown bag full of cash from Max. “I’ll explain tomorrow, go take care of Kate, okay?”

She doesn’t hear Max’s reply as she bolts again, racing down the stairs and cutting through the surrounding forest out to the road where she waited for Frank, board in hand. _Come on, come on, come onnnnnn!_ She strains her hearing to see if there any cops on the way. No sirens, good. Hopefully nobody at the party was that stupid, cops would bust so many people for possession and under aged drinking. Especially Nathan. Which would mean that her and Frank would get busted, and they would totally flip on his date raping ass.

Frank’s RV materializes from the night and she waves him down. The tires squeal. She wastes no time barreling through the door and dropping onto the couch in a heap. The only words out of Frank’s mouth are nothing but profanity as he floors it, probably heading to some secret place where he can lay low until the heat dies down. Chloe takes four tries to get the seat belt closed, her hands shaking uncontrollably from the adrenaline bleed off. She has the presence of mind to shoot Max an ‘I’m okay’ text once her hands calm down a bit. Well, as safe as anyone can be with Frank Bowers at the wheel.

Eventually his erratic driving chills out and he pulls to a stop at some campground at the edge of town. “So, what the actual fuck happened Price?”

What can she do? Lie? She tells him the whole story.

“Look at you Price, a regular fucking hero. Taking care of the little church kid.”

“Fuck you Frank, I stopped a fucking date rapist. We _sold_ him those pills.”

His face turns into a grimace and he runs a hand through his hair before speaking with clenched teeth. “Yeah, yeah, I fucking know. The little shit promised me they were just for fucking sleeping. That’s one of the fucking rules and he broke it.”

“How long have you been selling him those pills?”

“Like… year, year and a half? He kept saying he was having trouble sleeping and didn’t want to stop touching coke.”

“When does he order them Frank?”

“Enough with the questions Price. It’s not your fucking concern.”

The words just erupt out of her. “IT IS MY FUCKING CONCERN!”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

She bails from the RV as fast as she can, she knows that voice means that she’d just crossed a line and Frank was about to get spectacularly violent. As she stumbles out into the night air, a wad of bills flies over her shoulder. “Here’s your fucking take.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I know a trick to make a man's true colors show:  
> If he sees something he wants, tell him no "  
> \-- Pretty Little Things - The Crane Wives
> 
> This will probably be the last chapter for a bit. As always I really appreciate comments of all kinds.
> 
> The eagle eyed among you will notice that I changed some chapter titles and added footnotes, I'd always planned to do this, I've just been so wrapped up in writing I forgot and even left in placeholder titles.


	7. Tell me I am Good Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David comes knocking.
> 
> Chloe has regrets.

“Hey Max, yeah, I’m safe. I’m in my usual spot.”

“Fuck, you had me worried sick!”

Chloe can’t help but laugh a little bit. Max has every right to be worried about her, but she still can’t get over the fact that someone actually gives enough of a fuck to worry. “I’m fine. Nathan isn’t about to call the pigs on me. How is Kate doing?”

Max sighs and Chloe can imagine how mad at her she must be for just dumping Kate on her lap and bailing like a coward. “She’s… better. Still shaken.”

“Can you put her on the line?”

She hears muffled shuffling on the other end before she hears Kate’s voice, it’s tired, shaken and on the edge of sobbing, but it’s her. “H-hey Chloe.”

“Hey, sorry for not getting you out of there sooner. I knew he was up to something but I …didn’t think he was that stupid until it was too late.”

“I-It’s okay… I-I shouldn’t have g-gone to a party like th-that to begin with, if m-my mom finds out…”

“It’s fine, Nathan isn’t dumb enough to get the cops involved. If anything, this is going to be shut up real fast because of Prescott bullshit, word won't get out.”

Kate’s voice shudders through on the other end of the line, almost like she’s saying a prayer. “O-okay. I believe you.”

“Good, sorry I had to just bail but I’m not about to tangle with… David over this. Can you pass the phone back to Max.”

“T-thanks Chloe, you’re a real guardian angel, you know that?”

How the hell is Chloe supposed to reply to _that_? _No Kate, I sold the asshole the pills he used to almost rape you and I should have known that was his plan._ “You barely know me Kate.”

“You helped me and Max trusts you, that's enough for me.”

Then Max’s voice is back. “You saved her, stop beating yourself up over nothing.”

“No, I didn’t Max, I did what anybody would do if that saw what was going down, just… drop it, okay?”

Max’s voice sounds all annoyed like she does when Chloe is being an obstinate ass. She isn’t wrong. “Chloe…”

“Just… don’t want to talk about it, Maximus.”

“Are you sure you want to spend the night out there alone? You could come crash in my dorm tonight; I think you’ve earned it.”

The prospects of a nice warm couch are exciting, buuuut… “Can’t, I know that David is going to be calling me over this and it’s going to be hard enough to not vomit just hearing his voice. In person I can’t be held liable for anything I do to him. If anything, he’s going to be coming for Kate any minute.”

Over the line she can hear his asshole voice barking through the door. “Speak of the devil, I’ll let you know how this goes.”

The line clicks dead and Chloe stares up at the bridge, fingers nervously tapping on her phone. She knows the call is coming whenever he finishes his reaming of Kate for being a victim because that’s how fucking David rolls. _If I hadn’t ‘helped’ Frank, none of this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t ‘helped’ Nathan he wouldn’t have had the drugs. If I hadn’t ‘helped’ Kate she probably wouldn’t have even gone to the stupid party... If I had stayed in the closet, none of this would be happening.  
_

She can’t fight the thoughts; she can’t stop making everything somehow her fault. Everything has to be her fault, otherwise the universe is kicking her around for fucking nothing. She knows it’s bullshit, that shit happens for no reason what so ever, but that thought has no comfort. The idea that she’s the one who fucked it all up is comfort in the same way shards of glass on flesh are comfort, the agony distracts from the pain, the dread of the coming conversation.

Then it happens, her phones rings and the caller ID says ‘David’. She squeezes her eyes tight like it’ll stop the pain. “Hello?”

“Hi…” His voice is tentative, like he’s trying to find the words. This is... different. Despite herself she feels her guard slipping.

“David?”

“Co… Chloe.”

She almost drops her phone from the shock. The name feels utterly alien in his voice, but it’s _her_ name. _What the actual fuck?!_ “Listen, I know… Things have been… Rough recently but your mother and I want to have a talk with you.”

She has so many words she’d imagined she’d say in this moment, but her mouth isn’t working right now. “And Chloe… I’m proud of you for saving that girl.”

 _As if I need your pride._ She finally manages to croak out a response. “I… need to hear mom say it. My name, that she wants to talk.”

She hears David sigh, and can faintly hear Max saying something. _She definitely put him up to this._ “I’ll… I’ll talk to her about it.”

This was a reality Chloe never expected to find herself in. Where fucking _David_ is using her name before her mom is. For some reason, it hurts worse than if he’d just used her deadname. “You do that.”

Another sigh. “And.. you can come back to the dorms. I had no idea you were…”

 _Fucking Max._ “Just say it David.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you had somewhere else to go, not…”

“The places in town have nowhere for people like me.” The words are sharp, it feels good to twist the knife on him for all the times he hit her. For all the time’s he’d said words that hurt worse than anything he did with his hands. “Or did you not bother to even look into it?”

His voice starts getting choked up like he’s actually sorry or some shit. “Chloe, I...”

“You what.”

“I just… didn’t know what to do.”

“I know what you need to do. Get mom to call me.”

She ends the call and flops her head back, feeling Max’s couch calling to her. A warm couch is totally worth skating across Arcadia Bay in the dead of night. Her alarm goes off and she takes her meds for the night while she waits for the call from Max. It doesn’t take long.

“So…”

“So?”

“Chloe you made him cry.”

“ _Good_. After all the shit he did to me he deserves it.”

Max sighs heavily. “Chloe…”

“Just… I told you what he did to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever really heal from that.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, oh. I don’t give a shit about what David has to say. Maybe I’ll listen to my fucking mom. _Maybe_.”

Max sighs and Chloe feels a pang of guilt over the barbs in her words. “Shit, sorry. Didn’t mean to get mad at you.”

“It’s… okay. That’s what I get for being stupid and trying to fix things when I don’t even know what the hell is going on.”

“You’re not stupid Max, you’ve always had a crazy big heart and that you’re trying means a lot… I guess you and Kate bullied him into using my name. Thanks.”

Max laughs softly. “It was mostly Kate, when he said he was going to call you she started _scolding_ him.”

Now it’s Chloe’s turn to laugh, it echoes under the bridge. “Oh my god, please tell me you recorded that!”

They both laugh, it feels nice and easy despite the distance. “The one time I don’t have a camera! She was so fierce, even I was scared!”

The laughter echoes around for a few moments before fading into nothing and Chloe is left with silence. “So… are you coming back to the dorms?”

“Fuck yeah I am.”

It’s a wonder she doesn’t pass out the moment her head hits the couch, but she wants to savour this. This is different from when she was sneaking around and crashing with Rachel. She'd always wanted something more, something Chloe couldn’t give her. Max? Max is easy, safe, comfortable.

After five years of not talking, Chloe can’t even feel bitter about it because it’s fucking _Max_. She never could stay mad at her for anything. Max who just accepted her at the drop of a hat. Max who’s apparently trying to unfuck the beyond unfuckable mess that is Chloe’s life. _Max who I totally have a crush on._

Max for her part snaps a picture of Chloe before stashing it away, always the shutterbug. Chloe tries to sound sincere about it, but she can’t help her own sarcasm. “So, you got me off the streets, way to fucking go Max.”

Max smiles softly, eyes cast to the floor as she starts smoothing her blanket with her hands. “One step at a time Chloe.”

“One step at a time for what?”

Max’s smile broadens as she looks up into Chloe’s eyes. “For fixing things. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, so I figured…”

She sighs, Max’s heart had always been too big for her own good. “Max… Don’t. I’m not worth it.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m seriously not. You can’t fix this,” she gestures to herself, “This was fucked even before you left. I’m an asshole small town drug dealer. Who do you think gave Nathan those pills? Sleep aids my ass.”

Max’s face goes white and her hands ball the blankets up in fists. “W-what?”

Chloe closes her eyes. She might as well just confess this particular sin, maybe it'll make all these unearned compliments stop. “Frank told me that Nathan buys them because he needs them to sleep with all the other fucked up drugs he inhales. Normally he delivers them but he had me do it because it was a big night and why make two trips.”

“Y-you didn’t know Chloe! It’s not like you set out to make this happen!”

“I didn’t ask many questions. I should have but I didn't. I should have done a lot of things… All I know is that I almost caused serious shit to happen to Kate and if I’d been a second slower in pushing Justin out of my way…”

Max rushes over and squeezes her tight like somehow what she’s done still doesn’t disqualify her from Max’s ‘I give a shit’ category, if it's even possible to get out of it. “You couldn’t have known! What was he going to do? Just fess up to his plans the moment you asked? What matters is that you totally saved Kate tonight and neither of us are going to forget that.”

Chloe leans into the hug. The embrace and words slowly smothering her self loathing and turning it into the bone-weary fatigue she’s used to by now. She hates lying, but she also isn’t ready to admit that she knows more. “I wish I could forget the things I’ve done Max; I really do…”

The dreams this time aren’t nice and they sure as fuck aren’t about Max. They’re about the shit Frank dragged her into, deals gone wrong, over doses, bad doses. The things Rachel got her to agree to do when she probably should have known better but was so desperate to have anyone in her life that she said yes. The storm of bullshit her life had become between Rachel going missing and Max showing up. A tide of regrets and what ifs, the voices and faces of her failures taunting her from beyond the grave. The face and kind words of her father, in a voice she’s not even sure is his anymore calling her his daughter and promises that he still loves her. The screeching sound of a crash she never witnessed jolts her awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust  
> Tell me I am good enough  
> Lay my curses out to rest  
> Make a mercy out of me"
> 
> \-- Curses - The Crane Wives
> 
> I was originally planning on holding onto this until later for when I had more written, but I just couldn't resist posting.


	8. The Demons That Haunt You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe has a confession to make.

Early dawn light streamed through the window and for once her body doesn’t ache in the usual places. She glances around to check her surroundings and notices the bed across the room is empty. She finds the missing Max a moment later, laying behind her on the couch, arm overtop of Chloe.

 _Shit what the fuck?!_ Chloe’s body is torn between embracing the unexpected spooning, and bolting because Max is so close. Either way her heart starts thundering in her ears and her palms start sweating. _Calm down idiot, you did this at sleepovers all the time…_ Except Max is a grown ass woman now and so is Chloe… mostly. She opts to cough gently.

Max slowly stirs, she had always sucked at mornings. “Mmmmmmnyeah?”

“Uhhh, h-hey Max.”

“Mmmm hey Chloe…”

“What’s with the cuddles?”

Max’s face is so placid and serene Chloe can’t get mad at her. “You had nightmares…”

And just like that Max is back in Lala land. Chloe fishes her phone out and notes that it’s before 6 am… More sleep couldn’t hurt.

When her eyes open next, Max is hovering over her in her pajamas. “Hey sleepyhead.”

 _Max please you need to stop doing this._ “H-hey Max.”

Max’s face is all smiles as Chloe stretches out before propping herself up on her elbows. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I slept great. Thanks for the couch and the… cuddles?”

Max goes red but she keeps on smiling. “When we were having sleep overs as kids, they helped you with your nightmares so…”

 _A likely story._ She can’t not feel the tension in the air. As the pair had gotten older together, she had started feeling it before everything got blotted out by the ick of a wrong puberty. But now? Now she’s afraid to touch that tension, like it’ll shatter the moment she tries to make things real. She’d always assumed that she was some kind of experiment to Rachel, some way of exploring both sides of her sexuality at once. The thought had filled her with bile but she kept going because some attention was better than none. And Rachel had made an entire production out of caring about Chloe. Max isn’t that kind person and she doesn’t want to risk losing her by trying to make things something they’re not. “Well… thanks. Can you, er, turn around again? I need to adjust things.”

Max obligingly spins around and Chloe gets the rotten business of tucking done. “All clear.”

Max turns around and sits on her bed. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

Chloe sits up, checking her phone for messages. Nothing. “Fuuuuck. I don’t know. Frank practically threw me out of his RV when I told him what went down so I probably gotta give him a day to cool off. I can just… hang here during classes and I’ll take you to dinner tonight as a thanks for letting me crash.”

Max’s smirk sends shivers down Chloe’s spine. “Chloe Price, are you asking me out to dinner?”

 _SO NOT HELPING MAX!_ Chloe can feel her face burning up so hard she half expects to hear a fire alarm. Fortunately, a tender knock on the door and Kate’s gentle voice save her from embarrassment. “H-hey Max?”

She tries to keep her sigh of relief from being too obvious as Max darts over to the door to open it. “Hey Kate! Are you doing okay?”

Chloe gives Kate a little wave she tries to rub the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes. “I’m doing much better, thanks. Can… I talk to Chloe?”

“Do you want to talk to her alone or?”

Kate and Chloe both share a shrug and Max opts to close the door and just hover by it while Kate takes a seat in her bed. “Uh… Hey Kate.”

Kate’s all smiles and sunshine as she sits down, it’s hard to tell if it’s an act or genuine. “Hey. I just wanted to thank you for saving me last night. Alyssa filled me in on the details of what happened and you were so brave!”

Chloe feels her jaw clench and her neck muscles tighten at all this praise, but she knows the truth about what happened. “Kate… No. I’m not. If it wasn’t for me that situation wouldn’t even have happened.”

Kate’s smile falters for a moment but she presses on. “You couldn’t have known what he was planning, but you stepped in to protect me when he tried.”

Chloe had to close her eyes, she wasn’t some fucking hero and she wasn’t about to let Kate keep trying to make her into one. “Kate, I sold him those drugs.”

The words hang in the air and she can’t bring herself to see what must be Kate’s shattered expression. She doesn’t deserve praise; she shouldn’t be getting any. It needs to fucking stop. “D-did you know what he was doing?”

“He fed us some line about needing help sleeping, Frank’s been selling them to him for a while now. But we should have seen through that, you don’t take all the crap Nathan uses and expect to sleep.”

She does her best to just stare at the floor. She feels Max’s gentle hand on her shoulder and can’t help but lean into it again. “We talked about this… It’s not your fault, you didn’t know he was capable of that.”

Kate’s voice sounds like she’d expect a pissed off nun to sound like, stern and iron discipline. “Chloe Price, listen to Max. She’s right. You thought you were doing a good thing for him by giving him sleeping aids, and he turned around and used your good deed for bad ends. That is NOT your fault.”

Chloe can’t help the outburst of guilt and anger that comes. “I... I did know, and I bought the line anyways.”

Max crouches down next to her, big blues overflowing with concern. “Chloe… What do you mean you ‘did know’?”

“Because he drugged me too.”

There, she’d said it. She watches Max and Kate share horrified looks.

“I was at some shitty bar where they didn’t card and he always carries around fucking fat stacks. I know he takes our drugs and deals them back to other kids cut with bad shit. That’s why most of them still come to us. I figured he’d be an easy score and I needed the money so fucking badly. I thought he was more hammered than he was when we went back to his dorm, but he was one step ahead of me and slipped something in my drink. Next thing I know I’m feeling like shit and he’s crawling towards me with a fucking camera, I tried to kick him and hit a lamp before bolting. The only reason I even bought the line was because Frank swore up and down that he sold nothing like that when I started working for him. So, I'd figured Nathan was getting his shit from elsewhere… Guess fucking not.”

Max’s arms wrap around her, holding her tighter than she’s been hugged since David entered her life. “You didn’t know. You didn’t know what he was using, it wasn’t your fault.”

The sternness in Kate’s voice is gone as she moves from the bed to sit on the couch next to Chloe. “His choices aren’t your fault. Frank should have known that Nathan doesn’t care about anyone’s rules.”

Max’s raspy emotional voice and Kate’s gentle tones open the valve and she can’t even bother to try not crying. The retorts bouncing around in her brain about how she can google shit and million other excuses dying in her throat as she sobs.

Kate joins the hug and the pair hold Chloe as she lets go of her emotions, the tears coming as the memories start to loop in her head, blending together with her saving Kate. The guilt hanging around her neck over what nearly happened makes the scars on her ankles burn, the urge to add new ones because that’s all worthless scum like her deserves pushing to the front of her mind as she chokes out more sobs. _I’m so fucking sick of crying all the time, so fucking done with all of this pain and bullshit. Ever since dad died and everything went to hell…_ Max’s arms squeeze her tight and she sags into the embrace.

Eventually she runs out of tears and is left feeling hollow as she rests in Max’s arms, Kate’s hand rubbing gentle circles on her back. “S-shit… Don’t be late for class because of me.”

“It’s okay Chloe, I can just skip World History. I think the teacher will understand.”

Kate nods in agreement as she keeps rubbing Chloe’s back. “I got an email from Principal Wells giving me the day off anyways.”

“O-oh…” Well there goes her excuse to be alone for a while and process things.

Kate smiles gently to Chloe before getting up and straightening up her blouse. “I should probably go feed Alice, I rushed to get over here because I thought you were going to leave before I had the chance to say thanks. And I do mean it Chloe, thank you. When you’re feeling up to it, you’re welcome to come pet Alice.”

Chloe mumbles a muffled ‘you’re welcome’ as Kate leaves the room. She’s honestly too emotionally exhausted to get excited about maybe playing with Alice later. With Kate gone, she turns to Max, who’s clinging to her side like a koala. It feels nice, a little spot of warmth in her hollowed-out mind. She drapes an arm over Max’s shoulder and leans into her, which earns her a little happy sound. “Soo…”

Max’s head perked up but she didn’t move. “Yeah?”

“What… do you want to do? Until you have to go to your next class.”

Max shifts, as if she was suddenly aware of how extremely close to Chloe she is. “Oh… I, er… We could watch a movie?”

Chloe hadn’t gotten to watch much of anything in a while, so she wasn’t about to turn down the offer. “What did you have in mind?”

“Oh! I know, Final Fantasy: Spirits Within!”

“…”

“It wasn’t _THAT_ bad Chloe!”

“I’m just saying that you’re not allowed to pick that movie anymore.”

“Chloooooe!”

“Like it looked really cool, but oh my god that plot was so baaaaaaaaaad.”

Max turns up her pout to eleven as she gives Chloe a playful shove. “Well _I_ love it!”

Chloe giggles as she shoves Max back. “You’re entitled to your bad movie. When you get back from class and after we go grab dinner, I’m so making you watch Blade Runner.”

Max smirks as she pulls herself up from their loose cuddle. “So, dinner _and_ a movie, gotcha.”

 _Shit, when did Max get all sass master on me?_ She feels the urge to ask, to try and make this real, but she can’t fight the feeling of dread that it will go wrong. Why push when she could just let things go as they would go? “Dream on Caulfield, dream on.”

Deflection. Like the coward she is. Max laughs it off. “Hey, you’re the one asking me!”

“Yeah, well you put a roof over my head again so…”

Max shakes her head. “Oh no, you are so not making things about paying me back! Putting a roof over your head was going to happen, put it under the ‘Max takes photos of me for this’ tab because that was definitely the plan.”

Chloe sighs, her shitty excuse to mask this date as not a date in tatters. Fortunately, she’s saved by the bell, literally. Max’s ‘get your ass to class’ alarm starts chiming from her phone. Max scrambles to grab it and shove her bag over her head. “ILLSEEYOULATERCHLOE!”

With that, Chloe is alone again. The pull of the bed is strong, but the pull of her own fucked up thoughts danced around in her head is stronger. She’d tried to blot out the bullshit with Nathan and stick to their tacit ‘pretend it didn’t happen’ agreement but now it was out in the open and she has no fucking idea what to do about it. Aside from some kind of revenge. That little shit owes her for not outing him for the date rapist he was to the whole fucking town… As if they’d give a shit about some homeless trans dropout.

 _The showers might be safe, I could probably use one. And to change… I should ask Max about the laundry when she gets back. Fuck how can she stand to be near me, I must smell fucking disgusting… Still shower, with a lot of hot water…_ Her mind made up, she pulls out her little shower kit and the freshest clothes she has before marching off towards the showers.

The moment she opens the door, she can hear the retching coming from one of the toiler stalls. _Someone’s having a really bad day._ Chloe was planning on stealth past, until the bathroom door slams loudly shut behind her. The person throwing up scrambles to her feet and peeks out of the stall door. “O-oh… Hey Chloe.”

Chloe squints a bit before remembering the girl from the night before. “Hey Dana, guess you weren’t kidding about being sick.”

Dana glares before shaking her head. “Shit. Sorry, sounds really rough…”

Dana sighs before walking over to the sink. “Thanks… For watching out for Kate for me. If you hadn’t been there…”

Chloe walks past her to the shower. The guilt gnawing away in her chest. “… Yeah...”

The water is probably way too hot but Chloe does. Not. Care. As if scalding herself could wipe away all the bad shit she’d done. All the pain she’s caused. She hadn’t asked to be what she was. She hadn’t asked for any of the shit that’s happened. All she wanted was just to be Chloe. That’s all she’d ever fucking wanted. But asking for that had gotten her dad killed, her beaten and then throw onto the fucking street. Was it really such a crime to ask to be allowed to be her? No, her crimes were many but that sure as fuck wasn’t one. She’d never asked to be like this, she only was.

 _My crimes… My crimes. Fuck. I need to… Fuck what do I need to do?_ She scrunches up her eyes as she makes a half-hearted attempt at actually fucking _conditioning_ her hair. Her mind keeps fixating on a single thing. _Fucking **Nathan**. If Nathan had drugged her, tried to drug Kate then he knows something about Rachel. _Her mind comes untethered at the thought.

_ Nononononono- _

_They hung out; she went to those stupid Vortex parties when Frank was selling him those things._

_ But if he did, where did she go?! _

_He has to know. That’s why he’s always so fucking antsy around us._

_ What if he killed her? Those gross sweaty hands and beady eyes the last things she remembers. _

_SHE IS NOT FUCKING DEAD!_

She grits her teeth, trying to force the parts of her mind back together. She’d been good all fucking summer, she can’t relapse now _._ Max didn’t need her fucking disassociating all over the place. She can go crazy when she’s stuck in a snowed in cabin for weeks again. Still, she needs to talk to Nathan. She needs to grill the fuck out of him because he has to know _something_. But how?

She sighs, moving on to actually scrubbing herself clean with honest to god body wash. Max’s, so it smells like vanilla, wood grain and nostalgia. So much better than Frank’s axe shit. She smells like an actual human being. A fucking _woman._ Not chemical warfare in a can.

She rinses off the lather before pushing the taps closed. After a quick peek to make sure nobody else is in the showers she hurries to towel off and get dressed before scampering back to Max’s room like she just pulled off some mastermind caper by fucking _showering._ She’s a _woman_ , she has a right to be in the fucking _woman’s bathroom_. But you never know who might freak out.

She flops down onto Max’s bed, just basking in the warm glow of a nice scalding hot shower. She hasn’t felt this good since… Well since she figured out how to get that fucking cabin’s hot water working. She’d had to burn fucking wood to get it to temperature. She drags her fingers over Max’s blankets, just enjoying the fuzzy feeling of them. Her whole body is warm and fuzzy. Better than any fucking artificial high.

Her eyes drift closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're evil as the demons that haunt you  
> Forgetting what it was that they taught you  
> And now there's no one left to stop you  
> Or to catch you when you drop"  
> \-- Bringing Home the Rain - The Builders and the Butchers
> 
> A note on a passage earlier in the chapter where Chloe doesn't consider herself fully a woman due to a lack of bottom surgery. This is her own internalized transphobia and does not reflect the views of the author.


	9. A Place to Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe gets a phone call.
> 
> Alice gets to play.

The buzzing of her phone drags her out of her peaceful mid day slumber. Just being on a bed again was so wonderful she wants to roll over and go back to sleep. Her phone kept buzzing. _Ugh, who’s calling me?_ She checks the display. _Joyce. Fuck._

She scrunched her eyes closed and took a breath to steady herself before accepting the call and putting it to her ear. “… Hey.”

“Co-… Chloe.” She’d said it, the word sounding foreign and full of desperation but so so welcome. Her mother had said her name. She fights back the urge to cry.

“Yeah?”

“Sweetie, can we… talk?”

“We’re talking now.”

“I mean… Can you come to the diner, or the house?”

“No. The only way I’d get close is with Max with me, and you’d just yell at her again.”

She hears what’s probably a choked back sob on her mother’s end. Tough shit. Using her name is the first step, but it doesn’t just erase all the shit that happened. “I-I’m sorry… Chloe. I didn’t mean to yell at Max I just…”

“You just what? Max was trying to help; she’s always been like that. And you _made her cry._ ”

“I just… You’re my son and”

Click.

Nope.

Fuck that.

The phone rings again. She doesn’t answer.

She doesn’t answer the next three calls either.

_Fuck this, I’m going to go see Kate._

She manages to roll up and out of Max’s bed and make sure everything is where it should be before walking over to Kate’s room. She hesitates a moment before giving it a gentle knock. Within a few moments Kate’s smiling face is there. “Hi Chloe!”

“Sup Kate, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright; please, come in!”

Chloe obliges, slipping into the dorm room before making a beeline over to Alice’s cage. The rabbit is busy having a drink so she finds herself a spot on the couch to sit. “So…”

Kate adjusts her loose bun before sitting opposite Chloe on her bed. “Something on your mind?”

The question is so stupid, she can’t help the bitter laugh. “ _F_ uuuuucking always.”

Her smile falters a bit but she nods. “Well you can share it with me.”

Her leg starts bouncing with nervous energy. She barely knows Kate; just how much can she trust her with? She already told her about what Nathan had done to her so… fuck it. “Did you know Rachel?”

“By reputation. You were friends? I remember the posters when I started here.”

“More like… guardian angel. She was my rock during the whole,” she waves her hand over herself. “Becoming me thing. It was us against the world, all comers be damned.”

“It sounds like you were really close.”

“We…” It stings even now, months later. She still has no idea how Rachel really felt. Sure, they’d said the L word, but Rachel was not the kind to be satisfied with one person and Chloe could never shake that she was just some experiment to piss off daddy. “We... were super tight. She was like the only person who really pretended they gave a shit, who got it. We were totally going to get out of this dump and live it large in LA. Then she just vanished.”

Kate’s lower lip starts trembling. “I’m so sorry Chloe…”

“Hey, don’t… say that. She’s just missing. Probably realized I was useless trash just dragging her down and went.”

Kate nods again, slowly. Even this sheltered girl knows what she’s been running from for months. Missing girls don’t turn up after this long. “You’re not useless trash. I’m sure they’ll find her safe and sound somewhere.”

“They aren’t even looking; they gave up months ago.” She used to cry about this but now the tears just didn’t come. That well is dry. Even the DA being her dad hadn’t helped. Instead all she can muster is a sigh.

Kate looks perplexed, because of course she does. “Gave up? Isn’t looking for her their job?”

Bitter laughter spills out. “Their _job_?! Oh puh-lease Kate, the fucking pigs in this town just watch out for the Prescotts and _nothing_ else. They barely even looked around. I spent way too much of my money on putting up those posters and not one person ever called.”

The horrified look on Kate’s face makes her sigh again. _So fucking innocent. She has no idea what life is like for people on the outside of her little bubble._ “O-oh… That’s… I’m so sorry, that is _not_ right. What is the point of the police if they’re not doing their jobs!”

More bitter laughter. “Helping people like us isn’t their job, it’s helping people like Nathan. Why do you think there were no cops involved last night?”

Kate averts her eyes, her hands fidgeting with her skirts. Uncomfortable truths suck, and Chloe is a walking one.

“Look, it’ll be okay. I’ll give him what’s coming to him.”

Kate’s head whips back up, her eyes wide and nervous like Alice. “W-what do you mean Chloe?”

“If he did this to me and tried to do it to you, he… probably did it to others. Maybe Rachel. The night she disappeared she was at a Vortex club party. I thought she’d been picked up on the way home or something… but given last night, he _has_ to have answers.”

She hates saying it out loud. It makes it real. Like he did something to Rachel and she’s really gone. _She can’t be, she must have just… ran away or something after it... Fuck I’m pathetic._

Kate shifts around on her bed nervously. “Uh… What are you going to do about it?”

“I… don’t actually know. I need to get him alone and ask questions; I know that much.”

Kate fidgets some more. It’s a stupid plan, she knows it, Kate knows it, but what else can she do? “Just… stay safe, okay?”

“I’ll do my best. Thanks.”

Kate does her best to smile before she motions towards Alice’s cage. “Looks like she wants out, would you like to play with her?”

“Hella yes.”

Her cheeks hurt from all the smiling as she holds Alice up to her face, the bunny putting her paws on Chloe’s cheeks and sniffing around on her forehead. Kate has her sketchbook open, scribbling away. She feels all warm and tingly in a way she hasn’t in so long.

Playing with Pompidou always had the implicit threat of Frank just flipping out on her. Her skin prickles from that bunny nose bumping on her skin and the softness of her paws on her cheeks made her brain fuzz over. Her angst over Rachel muted to a whisper. “She’s so cuuuute!”

“Awwwwh thank you! Did you ever have any pets?”

“I… had a cat named Bongo when I was little. He… uh, got hit by a car.”

Kate’s smile fades but she keeps on drawing as Alice decides she wants off Chloe’s hands and ends up flopping over in her lap. _Even the bunny is sick of my fucking constant mood ruining._ “I’m sorry. I’m sure you took great care of him.”

Chloe nods, doing her best to dig into some happy memories for once. “Yeah, he totally went on adventures with us and shit. He was great.”

Her phone buzzes.

 **Max** 12:22

Hey, bringing you some lunch. ^^

 **Chloe** 12:23

thanks

i’m really hungry

NO EMOJI DAMMIT

“Max is bringing me some lunch.”

Kate smiles and walks over so she can start petting Alice. “That’s good, I’m sure you must be hungry.”

Chloe stares at Alice, unsure of how to remove her from her lap without feeling bad about it. No answer presents itself so she carries on petting. “Yeah, yeah I am. You?”

Kate nods, reaching over to gently scoop up Alice and return her to her cage. “Yeah, I’ll probably head down to the cafeteria... Or eat some snacks in my room.”

Her lap is lonely now. “Okay, thanks for letting me play with Alice.”

“Any time Chloe! If I can do anything else, you just let me know, okay?”

“T-thanks.”

Chloe shuffles out of the room, still running off a bit of an endorphin high from playing with Alice. She should have gotten a dog like Frank or something. Then maybe she won’t be all on her own when Max graduates and leaves her again. The truth stings but she’s not wrong.

Max isn’t going to stay in Arcadia for her and she wouldn’t want her to anyways. Max deserves to go and do great things in photography. She doesn’t deserve Chloe tied around her neck. Nobody deserves to be saddled with her.

Lunch is nice though. Chloe chews on the cafeteria club sandwich as Max babbles excitedly about her classes, especially her upcoming photography class. At least coming to Arcadia is doing someone good. Max just can’t shut up about how much she’s learning from this Jefferson guy and an upcoming photo contest she’s humming and hawing about even entering.

“Max, you gotta have some trust in yourself. Your artistic instincts are fucking rad.”

Those freckled cheeks get all blushy and bashful in way that’s so cute it should be illegal. “T-thanks Chloe. I just… I want the work I show him to be just… the best.”

She can’t help the grin. “Someone’s hot for teacher.”

“What?! EW! No! Gross!”

“Oh, come on Caulfield. I’ve seen him. He looks good… for a dude.”

“He’s my _teacher._ ”

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”

“Since when do _you_ quote Shakespeare?”

Chloe laughs, that crazy memory coming back. “Since Rachel dragged me on stage for The Tempest.”

“No. Way. Fuck I wish I’d have been there to see Chloe Price on stage.”

“Pfft, no you wouldn’t. I was a train wreck; I could barely remember my fucking lines.”

“I bet you were great. And no, I don’t have the hots for Jefferson.”

“That Warren kid?”

“Ew, no. He’s like my little brother.”

“Some skater boy got your eye? Justin maybe?”

“Ha! No. Why are you asking about this?”

Chloe rolls her eyes and keeps munching away on her sandwich. It’s bland, but it’s better than anything she’s eaten in a while. She’s really asking to try and find some way to make Max off limits. Then she can stop this stupid pining for a pointless relationship that’d have a best before date in May. “Fuck I dunno. Curiosity? I figured that once you grew out of being so timid you’d be drowning in guys.”

Max shook her head before removing a French fry from existence. “As if. I’m pretty okay with that never happening.”

“Dana then?”

“She’s cute but… nope.”

_So. Girls then._

“Brooke?”

“Oh god no, I’m terrified of her. It’s like she’s going to bite my head off for not knowing Battletoads trivia every time we talk.”

“… Victoria?”

Max just stares at Chloe. “I don’t think Victoria is capable of human emotions. Just bitchiness.”

Chloe mocks a gasp. “Is it… Kate?! How dare you corrupt sweet innocent Kate with your foul, fiendish ways!”

Max throws a pillow at Chloe as they both descend into a giggle fit. It’s nice. Chloe feels like a kid again for a few fleeting moments as the pair unleash feathery broadsides.

She lays on the couch, panting after admitting defeat to Max’s mighty onslaught. “Okay, okay, you got me…”

Max fist pumps in triumph before returning to demolishing her fries. “Long Max Silver, terror of the bay, strikes again!”

Chloe grins, shaking her fist. “You’ve not heard the last of Captain Bluebeard!”

Max winks and giggles as she continues stuffing her face before she has to go back to class.

“So… Have you seen Nathan at all today?”

“No, nobody has.”

“Fucking twerp. He’s probably cowering in his room or something.”

Max’s face creases with concern. “Chloe… are you planning something?”

“I just… need to ask him about Rachel. I also need to talk to Frank about shit. I’m going to wait until tomorrow.”

“Be… careful. Everyone’s been on edge since last night. Victoria’s actually been quiet today.”

“Yeah, bet Nathan won’t face any consequences for it.”

“Probably, I heard than Alyssa is in trouble for beating the crap out of him.”

“Oh yeah?”

“She broke his nose apparently.”

Chloe grins, leaning back in the couch with her hands behind her head. “Shit, I’m going to have to give that girl a high five and a discount.”

Max giggles before closing her now empty take away container. “She’s good. Hard to talk to though, usually has her nose buried in books all the time.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a lot in common, you with your camera, her with her books… Maybe you’re crushing on her, huh?”

“Chloe stop it.”

Chloe shoots her a wink. Her turn to fluster. “Fine. Nobody here is good enough for you anyways ‘cept me.”

It works.

Max phone starts buzzing again, she picks it up and tries to hide her blushing face behind the screen. “Back to class.”

Chloe shoots Max her best shit eating grin and holds out her bag. “No rest of the wicked. I would know.”

Max takes it and starts pulling on her shoes. “You’re not wicked Chloe.”

Chloe rolls onto her side and watches Max fix her hair in the mirror. “Shall I spell out the reasons for you?”

She gets a pained look. “You didn’t choose this. You’re just… surviving.”

It’s a cute notion _._ “How many people in history do you think have told themselves that?”

“Did you at least try to work a normal job?”

“A few times. Nobody ever took a chance in me.”

Max grimaces, anger in her eyes and her hands balled into fists. “That’s… such bullshit.”

Chloe shrugs. It’s just her reality. “I reeked; they didn’t want that around customers.”

“And they didn’t offer you any help?”

Chloe just laughs. “They don’t care that much. They probably figured they were doing their good deed just talking to the homeless freak.”

Max stands by the door, looking pained. “Chloe, please, please, please stop talking about yourself like that. You aren’t some freak. You’re my best friend.”

She winces, a memory of Rachel begging her to stop making new scars floating to the surface. “Rachel was on my case about that too… Okay fine, I’ll… try and tone it down.”

“Thanks. Oh, and my laundry card is in the desk and detergent is in the closet. Help yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest  
> With this heart of mine that's guilty not remorseful  
> There is love that doesn't have a place to rest  
> But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders"  
> \-- Never Love an Anchor - The Crane Wives
> 
> I was going to post this earlier, but as noted in my other fic, things were crazy this past week.


	10. Your Good Intent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe gets clean clothes and pizza is had.

Fresh laundry. It’s glorious. It’d been so long since the laundromat in town had banned her. She even borrowed some of Max’s PJ’s to wear while she ran her load so everything would be cleaned. Everything all nice and warm from the dryer. Her clothes don’t feel like sweaty, greasy rags but actual fabric that _smells nice_.

Her skin prickles from the sense memory of pajamas fresh from the dryer, Dad doting on her and Max during one of their many sleepovers. Some tears fall from her face and she wipes them away quickly, trying to ignore the stinging in her throat. She starts inspecting and folding up her clothes to stuff them back into her bag. _Fuck, these jeans have new tears._ _I need to ask Max if she has a sewing kit, I definitely need to patch them again._

She looks at herself in the mirror and fights back more tears. She actually looks clean, maybe even kind of put together, despite the way her clothes hang off her spare frame, and the hollowness to her cheeks. Things have changed though, with a roof over her head and hopefully regular meals in the future, that'll change and she'll start putting back on curves. _At least I can stand looking in mirrors now, damn... Total lone wanderer chic, fuck yeah._

She checks her phone, a pile of missed calls and texts from Joyce. Nope.

That she’d be so close, yet so far hurts more than when she wasn’t fucking acknowledging any of it. Was she trying because she was actually coming around, or just scared of something happening to Chloe and trying to manipulate her? Does it fucking matter? She sprawls out on the couch with Max’s laptop and tries to drown the thoughts in cat videos.

It doesn’t work.

Joyce even making an attempt is absolutely batshit crazy, whatever her reasons are. Maybe she should let her try again? _I can hear Max being all disappointed in me for just blowing her off. Fuuuuuuuuck._ She’s about to swap the cat videos for some punk rock to psyche herself up when the gentle refrains of a violin drift in through the door.

She cocks her head and sits upright. _Right, there was a violin case in Kate’s room._ She listens, entranced as Kate warms up before launching into an up-tempo waltz. Chloe’s eyes drift closed as the gentle music soothes her frayed nerves. _Fuck, she's really good._ _I wonder if Max and Kate ever play together? They should, I bet they’d sound great._

She drifts along as Kate switches to a slow, mournful dirge. She should give her mom some kind of chance, right? She doesn’t have to forget the awful shit they did. She never will. _Can I even forgive her? Does she have the right to even expect that?_ She can practically hear Kate scolding her to give her the chance. Rachel had always encouraged her anger and resentment before offering a toke or a drink to make her feel better, but nothing had ever _gotten_ better.

She takes a breath and stares at the phone screen trying to come up with the words. Rules, she should start with rules.

 **Chloe** 3:12pm

look, if we’re going to start talking again, we need rules. you break a rule, i stop talking for as long as i want.

rule 1: my name is Chloe. only call me that.

rule 2: i am a girl, i am your daughter. don’t misgender me.

rule 3: i start the talking and we take this at my speed.

rule 4: i start talking to david only when i want to.

rule 5: no using dad to guilt me.

clear?

 **Joyce** 3:19 pm

Okay. Do you want to talk now?

 **Chloe** 3:22 pm

maybe tomorrow.

There, now she can give Max something to actually be proud of her for doing. Her entire body shudders from the pent-up stress of getting those words down and sent. But that’s it, she’s offered the olive branch. _I’ll probably get smacked in the face with it but whatever, I can at least say I fucking tried._

She focuses back in on Kate’s gentle chords, drifting along with the music as she starts looking up places to maybe take Max out for dinner. There aren't many options they don’t already know very well. She stares up at the photo wall, eyes tracing out the history of Max away from her. Fuck it, they can do pizza. Pizza and a movie, like the old times. _Max is always such a sucker for nostalgia, I wonder if that Dino’s Pizza is still open? They had killer garlic bread sticks…_

She checks the time, Max is done her life drawing class soon, which means that she needs to figure out dinner and quick. Maybe this whole thing might be more of a date than she’s willing to admit, but Max deserves something special anyways; even if that something special is them just pretending things are better than they are.

 **Chloe** 3:48 pm

hey

maximal damage

pizza sound good?

 **Max** 3:51 pm

Sure! Does Dino’s still exist?

 **Chloe** 3:53 pm

yup! still like all your gross toppings?

 **Max** 3:54 pm

Shut up! Pineapple is sweet, it goes with savory things!

 **Chloe** 3:55 pm

doesn't explain the broccoli

weirdo

ordered

She feels a sudden pang of longing for her old room. Movie nights in her room were another part of the tradition but they’re just going to have to forgo it, and the TV in her room. _Oh well, laptops make for a good excuse to cuddle._ Her cheeks get a little warm. _Shit, what am I thinking?_

Kate’s violin stops and she claps. She wonders if she can even hear the applause until she hears a gentle ‘Thank you!’ come through the door. With the music gone, all she has left to focus on are Max and fucking _Rachel_. Her hope for finding her alive is so distant thanks to Nathan’s attempts on Kate and her. Just her she could dismiss as a one-time thing of him dabbling in one more super fucked up thing. Kate too? No fucking way.

How many girls in Arcadia had he dosed using their drugs? The thought makes her sick, but she needs to confirm one thing with Frank. If he’d bought some of those pills the day Rachel disappeared. Or even like a week beforehand. If she has that evidence, she can confront him and… What? What can she even do to him? The dropout drug dealing freak’s word against Nathan’s. She’d just get ignored and then probably murdered for her trouble. No, she needs a confession. On tape. It’s stupid and dangerous, but she fucking needs this. Some closure, any closure.

_Come on Chloe, it’s Max time, focus on Max. She doesn't deserve someone who falls apart at the first thought of her maybe ex... She deserves someone who's actually a fucking functioning human being.  
_

Her phone buzzes, a message from Max telling her class was over. _Come on Chloe, get it together._

She can’t. Thoughts of Rachel drugged and exposed to Nathan refuse to clear out of her head even as she tries to shake them out. Nails dig into her arm. Still, the mental images continue of Nathan and his fucking camera stripping away everything from Rachel. Her chest is tight, her throat burning as she tries to force the thoughts away. Her thoughts flit between Rachel being tied up and unwilling to being an active participant, reveling in revealing everything to the camera. She's not sure which is worse, but it's all super fucked up and they won't get out of her head. The nails dig deeper, she feels the wetness on her face as she sobs, the bottom of her stomach giving out as she imagines Rachel in a shallow grave, or taking off on a bus without her or a goodbye. Both hurt, both make her want to scream.

“Chloe?”

Max’s voice blots it all out, drowning it all with the concern on her worried face. Chloe sucks in a shuddering breath, her hand letting go of her arm. The nail marks are red and angry. Her face damp. “H-hey Max.”

She’s in front of her now, her eyes pleading as her hand glides over the nail marks. Chloe wipes her face with her other arm. It’s still damp. “What happened Chloe?”

“I-I couldn’t stop thinking of Rachel…”

Max nods, pulling out a tissue and mopping up the dampness. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve… never really told me about her.”

Chloe grunts, grabbing a tissue to blow her suddenly very clogged nose. “I… Sorry. I just…”

“It’s okay Chloe, you don’t have to.”

“I… She was my everything Max…”

Max’s expression is unreadable. Her face is damp again. “I don’t… know if I-I was that to her, but s-she was all I had really. A-after I got kicked out. She was the only one who seemed to really care. F-Frank just used me to run drugs but her… I don’t know what she got out of it.”

Max wraps her up in a hug. Her shirt starts getting wet. “Maybe she didn’t have to get anything out of it, Chloe. Maybe just being with you was enough?”

She can’t hold the bitter laugh in. “No, it fucking wasn’t. S-she… We weren’t like… actually a thing, I don’t think. Like she said nice things but… We were supposed to get out of this shitpit together. Just us. Go to LA or some shit.”

Max’s voice sounds constricted. “But that… didn’t happen?”

Chloe shakes her head, spreading the wetness over Max’s shirt. “She started getting more involved with the Vortex club. And Nathan.”

She feels Max tense up. “Do you think he…?”

Chloe sags into Max, her whole body shaking with sobs as someone other than her voices in the idea. Kate hadn’t connected the dots so she’d been able to cling to the hope. But now…

Max squeezes her tight, rocking her back and forth. Her chest feels a little less constricted. “We’ll find her. She’s got to be alive and out there somewhere.”

She wishes she could believe it. Slowly she starts being able to breath again. “T-thanks… I need some water.”

Max pulls away for a moment, pulling a water bottle out of her bag. “Here.”

Chloe nods in thanks, drinking deep to clear her throat. “Thanks, sorry for losing my shit on you Max…”

Max shrugs, sitting down on the couch next to her. “It’s okay. Things have been pretty crazy.”

“Y-yeah. I, er, talked with mom a bit.”

“That’s awesome Chloe!”

“It… wasn’t all awesome. She said my name but then she misgendered me.”

“… Oh.”

“Yeah… I texted her giving her some rules for how we’re going to do things.”

Max’s hand starts rubbing on her back and she starts to relax a little bit. “That’s good.”

“T-thanks Max.”

“Hm? What are you thanking me for?”

“I…” Her chest was getting tight again. “I guess I want to try and be better, you know? You’re trying to actually fucking fix shit and…”

Max is hugging her again, the tightness in her chest explodes into butterflies. “It’s okay, you can say it.”

 _Fuck there are so many things I want to say Max._ “Fuck, you’re making me all fucking sappy.”

That freckled face tugs into a small grin. “I like it when you’re a big sap.”

“You’re one to talk, goopmeister.”

“Oh please, miss I’m a big tough punk to hide how much of a sap I am.”

The banter is easy, a welcome reprieve from the emotional spiral only moments before. She clings to the sliver of joy for all she’s worth, the hipster's words a life raft in the stormy seas. “Shhhhhh, I have a fucking reputation to uphold Caulfield!”

“Oh please, nobody will shut up about what you did for Kate. Your badass reputation is shattered, now you’re the lion watching the lamb.”

“Damn, Kate’s getting you to go all scripture on my ass.”

“As if.”

Her phone rings, it’s pizza. Nothing like melted cheese and cheap carbs after a mental spiral and hard cry. Chloe moves as fast as her legs can carry her down the stairs, shoves the wad of bills into the delivery girl’s face and then bolts back upstairs.

Pr _obably way too much of a tip, but fuck it. I’ve got a hot fucking not-date... Shit, does Max want it to be a date? Would Max seriously even want me like that? She's been teasing all fucking day but I know I'll only fucking hurt her... Maybe she's okay with that though? She's moving away no matter what, so being together won't fucking last anyways. Fuck._ She finally slows on the way up the stairs in an effort to not trip with an armload of hot pizza and breadsticks. _Well it's not like she's backing off because of... that. Maybe she'll be gone before I can really fuck it all up?_

Max's face is pure bliss as she tears into the pizza just as savagely as Chloe. “Mmmmmmm, I can’t believe you remembered my usual order!”

“Kind of hard to forget Hawaiian with broccoli.”

Those freckled features feign annoyance, her chest is all butterflies and tingles again. _Seriously, how did she get cuter when she grew up?_ “Shut up, it’s great.”

“Uhuh. Right.”

“Okay ms meat mountain.”

“Girl’s gotta get her protein Max! Besides, I have green peppers.”

“Pfft, okay. ONE vegetable.”

“All you have is fucking broccoli _mom_.”

“And pineapple!”

“Pineapple is a fruit, you fruit.”

“Still more nutritious than bacon, bacon and extra bacon.”

“Fuck you, I have peperoni too.”

“Because that’s sooooo different.”

Their laughter is muffled as they devour their halves of the pizza. Chloe closes her eyes and savours the waves of nostalgia. Rachel had treated her to pizza occasionally, but it had never been Dino’s. Dino’s crust was just the right kind of fluffy, the cheese the right kind of greasy. She can practically hear her dad laughing and telling them to dig in.

She fights to not cry again.

Max either notices her eyes starting to water or just has impeccable timing. “Movie time!”

Max drags her night stand out in front of the bed while Chloe pulls the movie up on the laptop, already torrented from the morning. “Time for a _good_ movie Max.”

“Shut up, we’ve watched this movie how many times?”

“Yeah well now we can really appreciate it!”

Max smiles at her as they settle in on the bed, Max nestling up to her like they had when they were kids. Except they aren’t kids anymore and Chloe’s face is all hot now.

“…”

“I don’t remember Deckard being such a creep.”

Chloe fights to stifle the yawn and the sleep she knows is looming over her. “Yeaaaaah… I think I mentally blotted that out and just focused on Pris and Tears in the Rain.”

“Ha, figures.”

“Do you think he was a replicant?”

Max stretches and yawns before nestling deeper into Chloe, her head slipping onto her chest. “You always ask this. I think the director was using the unicorn just to fuck with us.”

Chloe can’t fight down her own yawn. Sleep tugging at her, Max so warm. “Maybe, I think making him a replicant would be a pretty great twist.”

“Maybe. Thanks for tonight, it was really nice to just eat pizza and watch movies with you again.”

The words are there, burning to get out. But her eyes are so heavy, her head full of cotton balls. “It was great just hanging with you Max.”

Those brilliant eyes slide shut. Chloe fights hard to keep her eyes open. She can’t win. “Yeah…”

“Max… I…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And I know that you mean so well  
> But I am not a vessel for your good intent  
> I will only break your pretty things  
> I will only wring you dry of everything  
> But if you're fine with that  
> You can be mine like that"  
> \-- Tongues and Teeth - The Crane Wives
> 
> The fic hit 100 kudos :D So I decided to post this chapter early! As always comments and constructive criticism are extremely appreciated and thank you so much to everyone coming along this journey with me. Your readership means the world to me!


	11. Rag and Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe spends the morning with Max.

Chloe’s eyes snap open, and Max’s ceiling greets her. Starting to get up, she feels a weight on her chest. Chloe tries to blink away the morning confusion, before looking down. Max is there, her thin frame nestled into her side and her head resting somewhere that makes her cheeks burn. _Right. Movie._ _Did… I say it last night? Shit, would she even have heard it?_

In a small way, it’s a relief, trying to make it real now feels like tempting fate and turning Max into rebound. _Can you even have rebound for someone you had no idea if they actually gave a shit or were just pretending? Fuck Rach, why couldn’t you just fucking be straight with me? Heh. As if anything about us was straight._ She brings a hand up, lightly brushing Max’s shaggy mop of hair. _Or was Rachel rebound for Max and that’s why she never committed? Fuck._

Her gaze lingers over the room, bathed in the early morning glow. _Fuck I’m sore…_ _At least I have a pillow so my neck isn’t totally fucked_. Her eyes flitted around the dorm room, just drinking in the fact that she’s not waking up under that fucking bridge.

 _Fuck I need to pee._ She looks down at the still peacefully snoozing Max and checks her phone. 6:43 AM.

_… I can hold it for fifteen minutes._

She keeps brushing Max’s hair, just enjoying the tactile feeling of her hair and the press of her sleeping form on her. All she wants to do is stay in this one moment; this moment before Max gets up, before she has to bolt for the bathroom. Before Chloe has to decide if she has to make this real or just keep pretending that nothing’s changed since they were kids.

Max wakes up before the fifteen minutes are up, her eyes fluttering open, “hey sleepyhead.”

Max’s head tilts up, a sleepy smile plastered on her face, “mmm hey…”

“Sleep well?”

Max nods slowly, lifting up a bit. “Mmmmmnh yeah…”

Chloe can’t help the smirk, “my tit comfy?”

That wakes Max up, her face going red and her head jerking up. “Oh, shit sorry!”

She laughs, sitting up herself, “’s fine, chill Maximus Prime. I need to run to the bathroom.”

Max nods, her face still bright red. “Go! I need to get my stuff ready for class!”

 _And get that big blush off your face._ She wasn’t about to argue though, she’d been holding it as long as she could.

Chloe was just finishing up when she heard the door to the bathroom open and a few pairs of feet walk in. _Shit, thought I was early enough._ Victoria’s voice made her cringe. “I can’t fucking believe Max brought that tramp into our fucking dorm.”

“Can you believe the shit he was accused of?” _Courtney, I think?_

“Oh please, as if Nathan would do anything like that.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe she brought him into the dorms.” Chloe’s fists clench, her jaw tightens. A tap turns on.

“ _Her_ Courtney.”

“Like whatever, why do you even care Taylor?”

“I’ve… got a cousin like that, okay? She’s a she.”

“Can the queer bashing. I have fucking standards, okay? That shit is fucking low.” _Pretty fucking low bar there Victoria but I’ll take it._

“Okay, fine, _she_. She doesn’t even go here, she just deals.”

“She’s just some fucking pity project. That twee hipster is totally going to use her to suck up to Mark. _Look at me, I’m an every day hero helping the homeless._ Fucking pathetic.” The words sting and she hates that maybe she can see a nugget of truth in them.

“She’ll just get kicked out again, Wells did it last time.”

“Probably, _if_ he’s fucking sober enough to do it.”

The tap turns off. The door opens and closes.

Some tears hit the floor. She takes a deep breath. Every last word burns. At least that Taylor girl had maybe stood up for her a bit. She’d have to do something for her. Maybe a dime bag on the house. _Fuck I need to talk to Frank today._ Her guts twist, and not just from last night’s pizza pigout.

Hands washed she returned to Max’s room, only to immediately slam the door shut. “Shit sorry Max!”

Her retinas burn with the after image of Max topless, even if her back had been to the door. She’s pretty sure her cheeks are cherry red. _God I forgot how her freckles go down her body… This is some fucking romantic comedy bullshit._

Chloe stands there a moment, hoping her blush will die down a bit. It doesn’t. _Fuck._ Max opens the door, a shy smile on her face. “Sorry, I forgot to lock the door. Haven’t… exactly had a roommate before.”

“Oh, so we’re roommates now?”

“For now.”

Chloe’s eyebrow went up in wry amusement as she slips in through the door. The urge to tease Max is always just so irresistible. “Getting rid of me already? I’m hurt, I moved in like… yesterday.”

Max laughs before punching her in the shoulder. “Jerk. I mean we’ll eventually find you an apartment or something…”

“Oh yeah? On your photography student salary?”

“We’ll… figure something out. Maybe you can find somewhere to work other than for Frank.”

“Heh, maybe. Probably nothing around here, none of the wage slave jobs would take me anyways.”

Max’s lips creased in thought as she went about packing up her stuff for the day. “I’m sure we can find you something…”

Chloe shrugs, honestly she’s just sick of handing in resumes she can barely afford to print and getting absolutely nothing back. “Maybe. Speaking of figuring things out, did you decide on what you’re going to enter into that lame ass contest?”

“I… think so. I took a picture of me in front of the photo wall while you were at the party with Kate last night, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Nice, very meta of you Caulfield. You should go with that.”

“Maybe, but it’s not exactly very ‘hero’.”

“Can I see it?”

Max fidgets as she stuffs her camera in her bag. _Always so timid even though her shit is fucking amazing, dammit girl._ “I’ll… think about it. I’m torn between that piece and another one.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Do I get to know what this other pic is?”

“... Maybe. If I don’t enter it, I’ll show you.”

Chloe can’t contain her smirk, Max keeping something for her means that it’s gotta be extra good. “Okay, now I’m like extra curious.”

“No snooping! I want it to be a surprise.”

“I’m sure it’ll win. It’s you taking the shot afterall.”

“T-thanks. I’ll… step out so you can get changed and we’ll go grab breakfast?”

“Fuck yeah.”

The sound of bacon frying is such a sweet melody, and one she hasn’t heard in quite some time. It’s all she can do to keep from drooling. Cafeteria bacon is still bacon, even if it’s an inferior kind. The pair sit at a table over in the back corner. It’s early so few people are milling about. Chloe checks her phone. Only 8, still two hours until classes. “Man, I can’t believe I actually missed fucking cafeteria food.”

“What did you usually have for breakfast anyways?”

“Uhm… Not much, usually. If it was a good week I could afford some like granola bars from the grocery store.”

She hates the way Max’s face creases with worry at her descriptions of what things had been like with her. It feels like she’s just guilt tripping Max over and over again for leaving even though she couldn’t have done anything. Even staying in touch wouldn’t have stopped David from doing his stupid shit. “Well… I’m glad you’re having breakfast now.”

“Hella yes I am dude, I get fucking _bacon_.”

That gets rid of Max’s gloomy expression. “You always did love your bacon. Also, hella?”

Chloe sighs, more memories of Rachel come to mind. “Yeah… It was a thing Rachel used to say a lot. I kinda picked it up before she vanished and eventually I just… stopped saying it as much.”

Max nods slowly, pausing to finish chewing some egg. “It sounds… good, very you.”

“What, dated slang is very me?”

“I guess my hipster ways are rubbing off on you.”

“Oh gross, I’m going to have to shower more then.”

They both descend into a fit of giggles before returning to removing their meals from existence.

Chloe catches a guy approaching their table out of the corner of her eye. “Dude approaching, three o’clock.”

Max pivots to look, and Chloe suppresses a smile, “wrong 3 o’clock Max.”

Max blushes a bit and pivots again, “Oh! Hey Warren!”

The guy picks up his pace, doing his best to look all confident. _Ah, so this is the lost puppy following her around. I guess he’s probably cute, for a guy?_ “Hey Max! Hey, uh…”

Chloe flashes him a wolfish grin, letting her smugness at knowing Max isn’t into him ooze from her face. She knows it’s petty and stupid, but she can’t help it. “The one and only Chloe Price.”

His goofy bravado fades only to be replaced with a weirder expression, like he’s excited to meet her. _Weird_. “So you’re the one who tossed that drink at Nathan.”

 _Oh._ “Yeah, that was me.”

He extends his fist for a bump; she does the polite thing and doesn’t leave him hanging. “That was fucking awesome, about time he got put in his place.”

Max cocks her head to the seat next to her and the guy sits down. How close he sits to Max definitely irks her. “This is the old friend I was talking about Warren.”

Chloe’s lips curl up into a Cheshire grin. _Come on Max, this is too easy._ “Been talking about me a lot, huh?”

Max’s face turns bright red but Warren chimes in. “Yeah, she said you were a badass living out on your own like that but damn! Nobody else has the stones to take on Nathan.”

She winces along with Max and his choice of words. “I mean, I don’t think anyone would let that shit go down if they saw it.”

“What did he even do? There’s a lot of rumours going around.”

Chloe sighs, looking to Max for support. “You know what I do, right?”

“Yeah, Trevor told me that you’re the good weed hookup.”

“I just… deliver for Frank. That’s it. He was selling Nathan ‘sleeping pills’ because we have a rule about roofies and shit. Well he tried to break that rule with Kate.”

Warren’s face somehow got paler than his already pasty gamer’s complexion. “Whoooooaaaa. Talk about a damn dirty human.”

Chloe gives an inquisitive glance to Max. _Does this kid only speak in references?_ “Planet of the Apes, we’ve watched it.”

“Oh yeah?”

Warren nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I loaned it to her on my flash drive a few weeks ago. I’ll have another batch for you tomorrow! Hope you’re ready for Cannibal Holocaust!”

 _This guy is definitely a dork. Seems pretty harmless._ “As long as it’s better than Spirits Within.”

“Chloooooe, it’s not that bad!”

Warren laughs. “She made you watch that too?”

“Oh yeah, movie nights are an old tradition for us.”

He turns his attention to Max. “Oh! Speaking of movie nights, that drive-in I told you about is going to be releasing their schedule tonight. Maybe there’ll be something good?”

Max shrugs noncommittally while polishing off some hashbrowns. She has to fight the urge to tell Warren what she already knows about Max’s preferences but bites her tongue. That’s Max’s job. _God dammit, take a hint dude._

“Maybe. What’s your plan for the day Chloe?”

“I need to go check some things with Frank, then I don’t know. I guess I can meet you after class?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Don't leave my hyper heart alone on the water  
> Cover me in rag and bone sympathy  
> Cause I don't wanna get over you  
> I don't wanna get over you"  
> \-- Sorrow - The National
> 
> As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Next chapter should be out next week if all goes well at my new job.


	12. Where Will We Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe finds her evidence.

_ Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. _

Chloe stares at the door of Frank’s RV, her gut a hard knot. He hasn’t answered any of her texts, which meant he was either blackout drunk, or asleep and about to have a really bad hangover. Either was dangerous enough, but she needs to ask him questions that are  _ definitely _ going to piss him off.

“Fuck it.”

She knocks and immediately Pompidou starts barking.  _ Fuck, if he’s got a hangover that’s so not going to help. _ The uneven pace of the thudding inside the trailer tells her that Frank is  _ definitely _ drunk as fuck. She can hear him fumbling with the door before it swings open and he leans out, voice heavily slurred. “Price… th’ fuck do  _ you _ want?”

“I need to check when you sold those pills to Nathan.”

“… fucking did that…”

_ Well shit. _ “That’s why you’re so shitfaced?”

He nods, as he stumbles out of the RV. “I… can’t FUCKING behlieve I didn’t… didn’t think of it.”

The knot in her gut gets tighter, her throat starts to burn. “Think of what?”

He stumbles back into the RV before coming out with his ledger, open to a page from months ago. “Sold them… sold them to him… ‘fore Rachel left…”

Chloe grabs for the ledger desperately. She needs to find a clue, any fucking clue to rule this out. Frank lets her take it, going back into his trailer only to come out with a half empty bottle of dirt-cheap whiskey. She scans the ledger in a hurry, remembering what Frank had told her a while ago about how the whole thing worked.  _ NOnononono- _

She finds the line she’d been dreading. Nathan had ordered the pills the day Rachel had gone missing. The book falls from her hands and she follows it to the ground. The scream boils out of her, months of longing and loss spilling out into an animalistic anguished scream. It’s not a body but it might as fucking well be.

Nathan dosed Rachel. She’s almost definitely fucking dead.

She and Kate almost fucking followed her to that early grave. Her scream turns to sobs as her mind tries to imagine it. Rachel just having fun at a party Chloe had decided to not go to. Just blissfully unaware, not watching her drink when Nathan slips by and drops something in it. Chloe racks her brain looking for hints. Nathan had started getting extra weird a year and a half ago, his usual insanity slowly escalating.

A thought manifests through the agony.  _ Didn’t Frank say he started selling these to Nathan a year and half ago?  _ Her skin prickles, hair standing on end.  _ How many people did Nathan dose? How many girls did he drag off to do who the fuck knows what with? Something with that fucking camera like he tried with me like some fucking sick trophy? … FUCK I WAS ALMOST NEXT! _

Frank thrusts the bottle in her face. “Drink.”

She wants to drink, so fucking badly. Anything to numb the pain, the thoughts of Nathan’s beady fucking eyes behind that creepy fucking camera. But Rachel had made her stop drinking last winter, probably a pointless promise now, but it was still a promise. “W-what if… What if he’s just holding her somewhere?”

“Fuck Price, you… you jus’ don’ give up do you?”

Chloe shakes her head, pushing the bottle back to Frank. She can’t get drunk, not now. She has to figure out how to deal with that fuckstick Nathan. “She never gave up on me. Not about to give up on her.”

Frank laughs before swatting her on the back too hard. “I can… Ican seeewhy she liked you kid, m-mmmmooore than she ever did me.”

“What?”

“Shhhhe just wan… I-I think she mighta… mighta actually loved you, Price. Not… I was… was just a hookup.”

The very idea of Rachel and Frank being together makes her skin crawl and the morning’s bacon threatens to expel itself. She’d known Rachel to be one with no issues using others to benefit herself and sometimes Chloe. But  _ Frank _ ? “Fucking WHAT?!... When?”

“’s… not long after she turned 18… Don’-don’t get all mad Price. She was… was doin’ it fer you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Got me to… to give you more…”

“The fuck?”

“For… your op-operation.”

“And you made her  _ fuck _ you for that?”

“Wha? No, no fuck. FUCK. ‘s… not like that. That came after…”

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut; this whole thing is fucking disgusting. But… Rachel was doing it under duress, right? Frank had been really short on cash for a while, and she’d convinced him to set more aside for her. So, when they ran away together, Chloe could get bottom surgery without any waiting.

She starts crying again. It’s so fucking gross and wrong, but for Rachel everything was a tool to get whatever she wanted. Herself included. And she’d done this for  _ Chloe _ . Maybe Rachel really had loved her, in her own weird and crazy way. And Nathan had taken that from her.

At least Rachel had left her one thing. “How… much is there?”

“Fffffffuck… dunno, she was keepin’ count. Kept it… all nice an’ fuckin’ neat for ya… Lemme go check.”

Chloe wipes her eyes and gets back to her feet, leaning heavily against the side of the RV.  _ Nathan has to fucking pay. A confession is a fucking start. _

The rage in Chloe’s heart at having someone who would do so much for her without even being asked ripped away by that fucking scumbag is all consuming. She pulls out her phone and texts Nathan.

**Chloe** 1:43 pm

meet me in the girl’s bathroom at 4

Frank stumbles out of the RV again, a big steel tin labeled ‘For Chloe’ in Rachel’s writing in hand. The ‘o’s are all hearts. More tears come. She rips the lid off. The bills are all neatly stacked, with those little paper ribbons to show the amount in each one. She’d always been crazy organized.

She takes some deep breaths so she can stop fucking crying and starts counting the stacks.

$23, 400. Holy fucking shit. So. Fucking. Close. Just another like month or two and they probably would have hit the road. But that’s not fucking happening now. Now she has the money to pay for it and no way to get there. Not unless her grasping at straws is true and Rachel is locked up in a bunker somewhere.

Chloe takes a moment to breath, to remember what’s going on. She needs a plan. As much as she’d fucking love to tear Nathan apart piece by fucking piece, she can’t. She’s not going to attack Nathan or anything, just get answers. Rachel  _ and _ Max would be fucking pissed at her if she went in swinging only to wind up in jail or worse.

_ I can’t abandon Max, I just got her back. I just… need to know what happened, make his fucked-up ass pay for what he did. If he confesses, not even the pigs can ignore it. _

She piles the money back into the tin. “Do… you mind if I keep this? I’ll probably stash it in the cabin or something.”

Frank nods before taking another swig. “’s yours. Is it enough?”

She nods. “Almost. And… thanks Frank. Nathan is going to fucking jail for this.”

“Wha? How the fuuuck are you… gonna do that?”

“I’ll make him confess, record it. We have the proof… He’ll probably fucking rat on us first chance he gets though. You should skip town or something.”

Frank nods solemnly while fumbling the cap back onto the bottle. “Ssssshould be good here… un… until I’m sober. Thhhhhanks for the… heads up.”

She grimaces and starts walking away down the dirt road from the junkyard, mentally calculating the time it’ll take to get to the cabin, stash the cash and get back to Blackwell. She should be able to just make it.

Getting into the cabin is as easy as ever, through the unlocked cellar window. It’s all dust and cobwebs again, but apparently Max’s plan involves her never having to be here again so fuck it. She flicks on her phone’s flashlight and shines it around in the gloom.

It’s not hard to find the old steamer trunk that lives under the staircase. She opens it up, careful not to disturb the dust too much before stuffing the tin in under the pile of ancient clothes. The only people who know about the cabin aren’t about to rat on her, and Max doesn’t even know where it is. Mission accomplished she clambers back up and out the window before sliding it closed.

_ Blackwell time. _

For once she’s early as she walks across the quad.  _ Fuck, gotta kill time… Maybe I could bug Max in class? … Doubt it, that photography class is probably tiny because it’s fucking Blackwell. _ She pushes through the doors and sees the girl who started waiting on Nathan at the party sitting on a bench outside the admin office.  _ Fuck… Alyssa was it? _

She waves, doing her best to look confident and at ease. It must work because Alyssa smiles and waves back. “Hey.”

Chloe walks over and parks herself on the bench next to her, the pair sharing a fist bump in the process. “Heard you got in hella shit over last night.”

“Totally worth it. Thanks for watching out for Kate.”

The 4pm bell rings.

Chloe manages a wink. “Guess you’re waiting to get yelled at by Wells?”

“Ehhhhh, already did. I just didn’t feel like going back to class, now I’m waiting for Stella.”

“I fucking feel that. This school sucked.”

“Still does.”

“Fuck yeah. Thank you for wailing on his slimey ass, got me out of having to deal with my step-führer, David.”

Alyssa nods thoughtfully. “Kate said something about him not accepting you, he’s such a fucking ass. I get that. Shitty parents are the worst.”

“Fucking tell me about it.”

Out of the corner of her eye she spots Nathan barging into the girl’s bathroom, twitchier than his usual drug addled self.  _ Go time. _

Alyssa’s foot taps on the ground for a few moments. “Mine still don’t get that I’m bi.”

“That’s fucking rough. Look, business is probably going to dry up a bit, but when things get back to the fucked up normal, I’ll talk to Frank about giving you a discount for saving my ass. Anyways, I gotta go hit up the girl’s room.”

“Thanks Chloe, I’ll catch you later.”

She stands up and starts walking to the bathroom, trying to be as normal as she can be. She tries to rub the sweat on her palms off on her jeans. She pauses to turn the voice recorder on her phone on before she pushes through the door.

Nathan’s in there, muttering to himself. There’s a ripped polaroid on the floor.  _ Weird. _

The creep turns, beady eyes narrow and mouth in a sneer. "So, what do  _ you _ want?"

Chloe walks forward, pushing open the stall doors. “I hope you 'checked the perimeter' as my step-ass would say. Let's talk bidness.”

The last stall doesn’t even have a door so she spins to face Nathan. "I've got nothing for you."

Her fists clench but she tries to keep her composure.  _ Fake ass little shit. _ “ _ Wrong _ . You know something about Rachel.”

His eyes widen for a split second before that creepy sneer is back and he leans over a sink. “No, I fucking don’t.”

The mockery comes naturally. Who the fuck does this boy think he is, lying to someone who  _ knows _ what he’s fucking doing? “Oh, boo hoo, poor fucking date rapist. I fucking saw you drop that pill into Kate’s drink and I  _ know _ you bought when Rachel disappeared. Don’t fucking bullshit me.” She walks over to the creep, trying to get up in his face so the microphone can hear him. She snarls into his face, her hands balled into fists. “I bet your respectable family would help me out if I went to them. Man, I can see the headlines now.”

Nathan’s back jerks stiff and he faces her, anger written plain across his features.  _ Shit this isn’t fucking working. _ "Leave them out of this bitch."

She leans in closer, shoving him for effect. She needs him off balance so he’ll fucking talk. She keeps shoving him as his expression gets darker and darker. “I can tell everyone that Nathan Prescott is a punk ass who drugs girls and talks to himself.” 

Nathan steps back and reaches into his jacket. Her body freezes, time stops as she sees the glint from the polished metal.  _ Gun. FUCK. _ She stares down the barrel.  _ When the fuck did he get a GUN?! _ "You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!"

Chloe steps back, hands up.  _ Holy fuck was this a bad idea. _ Nathan advances on her. Her back hits the wall. Cold steel presses into her gut. He twists it in deep and it’s all she can do to keep from yelping. "Where'd you get that?” The ring of steel presses deeper. “What are you doing?! Put that thing down!"

"Don't ever tell me what to do! I'm SICK of people trying to control me!" He smashes his free hand into the wall, his eyes burning with fury.

She’d always known she was going to die doing something stupid, one of the dozens of fucked up things she’d done finally catching up with her or by her own hand. Panic seeps into her veins.

"You're gonna get in hella more trouble for this than drugs!"

Some stupid wasteful queer tragedy. Every hope, dream, failure and success wiped away. The muzzle pushes deeper and she nearly gasps from the pain.

Nathan’s sneer twists into a shit eating grin. "Nobody would even miss your tranny ass, would they?!"

Her whole life reduced down to bullshit statistics.

"Get that gun away from me psycho!"

**Bang.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The day I die, the day I die  
> Where will we be?  
> The day I die, the day I die  
> Where will we be?"  
> \-- Day I Die - The National


	13. Ghost of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe finds herself in a strange space.

She stands in a field of tall grass, eyes turned towards the vault of vivid stars suspended in the purple haze of cosmic dust. Her fingertips brush over the grass, rubbing against the blades. A gentle wind whispers through their reedy strands, a rustling ovation for only her ears. She’s transfixed by the sky, the purity of the untainted night with more twinkling jewels than she could count in a lifetime.  _ The stars are already dead. _

She lets her eyes slide shut as she listens to the rasping. Everything feels hazy and disconnected, but it’s different than when she’s disassociated. It’s warm and almost fuzzy. Gentle guitar music drifts across her ears over the rasping reeds. She knows this melody. Her heart yearns for it and her soul aches at its touch. The scent of long cooked and eaten pancakes, strong comforting arms, laughter in a happy house and bad jokes.  _ Dad. _

She follows it, the thick grass growing shorter and more sparse until she’s walking on a dirt path, guided by the pale moonlight into a shallow valley. A low fire burns bright and she can see him, strumming away. Chloe’s feet move faster, nearing a sprint as her need to see him again propels her. When she reaches the edge of the light he shifts, his face an easy smile and kind eyes. She wants to cry, needs to hug him, but her feet won’t move past the pair of logs ahead of her. “H-hey Dad.”

“Hey sweetie. Been a while.”

“Y-yeah. I missed you.”

“I missed you too. You’ve grown into such an amazing young woman.”

She does start crying. “T-thanks.”

“I’m really proud of you honey.”

“W-what for? I haven’t done anything.”

“You’ve been so brave Chloe. She’s been telling me all about you.” He gestures with his guitar.

Sitting on the other side of the fire is a woman, blue jay feather earing catching the firelight. Her smile is hope, fumbling fools in the night, promises of a lost future. She wiggles her fingers in greeting and speaks in that weirdly reedy and flirtatious voice. “Hey Chlo.”

The word is a prayer and a sob.  _ “Rachel _ .”

She wants to run over and envelop the girl in a hug. Her feet won’t obey.

“It’s okay, babe. I’m here.”

“I… just… I failed you.”

Rachel’s smile turns sad and she shakes her head. “No, you didn’t.”

“I-I… But, you…”

“Shhhh shhhshshsh. It’s okay. I made my own decisions Chloe.”

It doesn’t feel okay. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too. But at least I’m in excellent company.”

William laughs, hands still doodling out empty chords. “I can say the same. Chloe always did tell me so much about you.”

Rachel’s grin is sly in the way that used to make Chloe’s knees turn to jelly. “Is  _ that _ so?”

“I… uh… I told you that I used to dream about my dad, right?”

She nods.

“Well… it wasn’t always when I was asleep. And sometimes it was kind of like this, usually after I’d done something really really stupid.”

“Honey, don’t talk about yourself like that, it wasn’t your fault.”

Rachel smiles as she shakes her head. “Always the martyr, my little Pisces.”

“Hey, I’m bigger than you.”

Rachel’s laugh is pure warmth in her ear like it always had been. “Nobody’s bigger in spirit than a Leo Chlo.”

“Oh sure, bust out astro mumbo jumbo on me.”

“Girls, girls, relax. Chloe, why don’t you take a seat by the fire with us? We have a lot to catch up on.”

Something tells Chloe that she really shouldn’t. “I… think I’ll stay standing.”

“Suit yourself. Fire’s nice and warm.”

It’s tempting but her feet don’t want to move. “She’s stubborn, our Chloe.”

“HA! Was she ever! Did I tell you what she did to keep her hair from getting cut?”

“Daaaaaaaaaad, stooooop.”

“Oh no! Please, do tell me.”

“I swear to fuck…”

“She threw such a tantrum! She tossed the garbage everywhere and emptied the pantries!”

Rachel convulses with giggles as she shoots Chloe a wink. “Joyce must have been pissed.”

“Was she ever! We grounded her for a whole week.”

“You let me off after four and I got to keep my hair. I call that a win-win.”

“Don’t pretend I didn’t notice a certain someone sneaking in through your window little lady.”

“Oh shit, you got busted!”

“Pfft, as if you’d ever stop me.”

William laughs. Adventures on the high seas of their backyard, spilled wine on carpet and a terrified, sobbed confession. “You’re right. ”

“T-thanks dad.”

“Seeing you and Joyce happy was all that ever mattered to me.”

Rachel’s face becomes a cheshire grin. Standing on stage, a kiss in the ash and drinking in a junkyard. She pats the log next to her. 

Chloe still can’t move. “S-sorry about all the shit lately… I don’t know if you… can see it or anything. And… I-I’m sorry we haven’t talked in a while.”

William gives her a gentle smile.“It’s okay sweetie, honest. You’re doing great. And it’s okay if we don’t talk a lot. It’s probably a good thing.”

“Y-yeah. My doc said that…”

“I said that too, just not in the same words.”

“Y-yeah, you helped me so fucking much Rachel.”

“Damn, where is that swear jar.”

Chloe can’t help but laugh. “Don’t really need much of a college fund anymore dad.”

“Nonsense sweetie, you’ll find your way. You always did.”

“It’s just… been so hard. Mom kicked me out for just trying to be me.”

William and Rachel’s faces go hard. Bad report cards, a giant knife, telling hard truths. “I still can’t believe my wife would do such a thing to our beautiful daughter.”

“It was… we were working on it, but you know where she gets her stubbornness from.”

“Yeah, yeah she sure did.”

“I’ve… actually made some progress.”

“I knew you could do it, Chlo.”

“Y-yeah.”

“Well?”

“I… I stopped Nathan from drugging a student… Kate I think her name was, it’s all hazy.”

Both their smiles are warm and proud. “That’s my girl, always standing up for those who need it.”

“I… David used my name first.”

Rachel’s eyes go wide. A lookout in a park, a stab in the arm, late night declarations. “Holy shit, that’s fucked up.”

“J-just a bit. Mom called me the next day and used it too, but then she fucked up the rest.”

“At least she’s trying. If I know my wife she’ll come around… eventually.”

“She’s sure taking her time Dad. I’ve been on the streets for years.”

“But you’ve started making headway at least.”

“Mostly thanks to… to….”

The name won’t come, most of her memories are hazy and distant. Especially the ones about her. She has to fight for them.

“And who is this illustrious figure to thank for helping bring my family back together?”

She grimaces, fighting the thickening fog in her brain. A shaggy mop of brown hair, soulful blue eyes brimming with love and concern, adorable freckles that disappear under her shirt. The name is frustratingly out of reach, slipping out of her grasp like a crafty fish.

“I can only think of one person who’d help her so much.”

She catches a flicker of it and holds on for dear life.

“Max.”

“Ahhhhh Max Caulfield, the prodigal First Mate returns at last.”

“I always knew you were waiting for her to come back to you.”

The name drags at her, tugging her away from the fire. But it’s warm, her limbs are tired and her feet still don’t want to move. “I’m… sorry.”

Rachel’s smile is gentle and kind. Stars on a ceiling, whispered nothings and oaths to make things right. “You don’t have to be. It was easy to tell that you were always going to wait for her, no matter how long it took.”

“Stubborn to the end, that’s my daughter alright.”

“She…. I still haven’t told her, dad.”

“I’m sure she’s figured it out.”

“I don’t know, dad. She could never find anything outside her viewfinder.”

“Then why haven’t you told her sweetie?”

“I… I was scared, okay? How could anyone like someone like me…”

“I sure did.”

“Yeah, well… You’re Rachel Amber, you do whatever and whoever you want.”

“And that list included you babe.”

“Iiiii think we can just skip the rest of that line of thought. Ol’ Dad over here doesn’t need to hear about it.”

“I… I fell asleep okay?”

“Oh god dammit Chlo, you were always such a disaster. Let me guess, Blade Runner  _ again _ .”

“It’s a good movie!”

“I let you watch that when you were way too young.”

“Fuck that! You were the best dad ever. I was the only kid in school who knew anything about Aliens or Jaws!”

“You wouldn’t get in the bath for two weeks.”

“Hahaha! Sounds about right.”

“S-shut up! I got over it!”

“Yeah, after Max volunteered to get in the bath with you.”

“Damn Chlo-bear, you were a player!”

“I WAS TEN!”

“You were always sweet on Max; we had a bet with her parents that you’d end up dating before high school.”

“Fuck, was it really that obvious?”

“Chlo, you never shut up about her. Even five years later.”

“I… Fuck, you’re right.”

“Offer to sit by the fire is still open, sweetie.”

“I-I don’t think I can…”

Rachel raises an eyebrow, grinning slightly. “Got something you need to do?”

“I… I want to, but Max is trying so hard for me. I can’t just stay here.”

The pair share a knowing look.

“We’ll see you later, okay babe?”

“Tell Max I said hi.”

…

…

Beep.

…

Beep.

…

Beep.

Everything is a haze.

Beep.

She can barely feel.

Beep.

Her eyelids won’t obey.

Beep.

She has to get them open.

Beep.

Their weight is heavy and she’s so weak.

Beep.

She fights harder. She needs to see.

Beep.

She manages to open them a hair.

Beep.

The light is agony.

Beep.

Her throat is dry and her mouth parched.

Beep.

Her lips are numb, she fights to move them.

Beep.

They open a crack.

Beep.

Her tongue is swollen sandpaper.

Beep.

It needs to move.

Beep.

She needs to speak.

Beep.

She fumbles on her word.

Beep.

“M-Max.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause you said ours were the lighthouse towers  
> The sand upon that place  
> Darling I'll grow weary, happy still  
> With just the memory of your face  
> Gracious goes the ghost of you  
> And I will never forget the plans and the  
> Silhouettes you drew here and  
> Gracious goes the ghost of you, my dear"  
> \--Gracious - Ben Howard
> 
> Sorry about the cliffhanger, but the story goes where the story goes. If you feel put out because I didn't reply to your comments on the last chapter, it's because I knew I'd have a hard time not spoiling this chapter.
> 
> Thanks to Olga, Bluekip, Kay and Jibz for betaing.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!


	14. Start Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe is awake again.

“Chloe! It’s okay! I’m here, I’m here.” The words are distant, they sound a million miles away. She tries to blink away the burning of the light.

Her eyes don’t feel like cooperating. It’s still blinding. “H-hey…”

“Hey yourself…”

It sounds like someone is sniffling.

“W-what… Where…?”

“You’re in the hospital. You got shot and I’m so so sorry!”

“Got… nothing… tobesorryfo-“

Her body gives up and she falls into the blackness again.

Her eyes open easier this time, she has to fight for it but they open. The lights are still blinding but she slowly adjusts.

She’s definitely in a hospital. Everything is numb.

Her eyes scan the room before settling on a familiar mop of hair on the bed, a hand holding her own. Her throat still feels dry. Her voice is barely a croak. “Hey… sleepy… head.”

Max’s head jerks up. She’s definitely been crying. “H-hey…”

“How… long?”

She can see Max giving her hand a squeeze. She can’t feel it. “You’ve been out for five days.”

“Oh… Shit… Water?”

Max grabs her a little cup full of water from the bedside table and holds it to her lips. She drinks greedily.

“It was… touch and go for a while.”

“Guess… I’m too… stubborn to die.”

Her bravado earns her something between a laugh and sob from Max. Her heart aches as Max’s voice cracks. “I-I was so scared I was going to lose you…”

“You can’t… get rid of me that… easily, Caulfield.”

Max’s smile is tiny and fragile, but it’s there. “G-guess not…”

“Yeah, you’re pretty much… stuck with me.”

That precious smile gets a bit easier. “Oh no, what ever will I do?”

“Uh… Max? I… can’t feel much.”

“O-oh… That’s probably the pain killers.”

“Oh… Guess I’m getting the good shit. How… bad was it?”

“… Bad. The doctor said you were really lucky, just a little bit of a different angle and…”

“Fuck… I was being so fucking stupid.”

She gets that ‘stop blaming yourself’ look. “You were in there just trying to get answers.”

“How do you know? I never… told you.”

Max is suddenly so pale. “I-I was there.”

A polaroid on the bathroom floor. “F-fuck.”

She has so many questions, but she’s starting to fade again. “…Nathan?”

“David busted him right away. He ended up confessing everything to the cops.”

“Rachel?”

Max’s eyes fill with tears. “D-Dead. Nathan and J-Jefferson killed her.”

Her own eyes don’t, if there is a response it’s muted and won’t come. Instead, she feels confusion. “Wait, Jefferson?”

“He… had this creepy photo bunker thing. He was kidnapping girls, drugging them and taking photographs…”

It’s all too crazy, consciousness is slipping again. “S-shit… So… tired…”

Between slow blinks she sees a crying Max brush her hair. “Shhhh, rest.”

There’s something she needs to tell Max, it’s hazy but she manages to force the words out. “Dad… says hi…”

...

Her eyes crack open again. The lights still hurt but she adjusts faster. Her eyes scan around.

Joyce is there.

The beeping gets faster.

“M-mom.”

“Hey… Chloe.”

She’s definitely been crying; she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. “Where’s… Max?”

“She had to go to Blackwell, to pack.”

“What do you mean pack?”

“She won some contest; she’s supposed to be goin’ to San Francisco tomorrow.”

“I knew she could do it… Supposed?”

“They haven’t found that evil man yet. He managed to get away and they’re worried he might try and grab Max.”

She feels a surge of anger at the idea of anyone laying a finger on Max. The monitor beeps faster. “That…”

“C-… Chloe, take a breath, you need to relax. I’ll tell the nurse you’re awake. I… I’m probably not who you want to be talking to.”

“You’re… doing okay mom. Just… not ready yet.”

“It’s okay, you take your time.”

“How long has… Max been staying here for?”

Joyce laughs, it brings back memories of happier times. “We had to practically peel her off you to get her to go home and sleep. After you woke up the first time she’s been sleeping in the room.”

“Sounds like Max alright.”

“I’ll let her know you’re awake, she’ll probably come right over. And the doctor wants to talk with you anyways.”

The doctor is a younger woman with kind eyes. Chloe likes her immediately. “You’re a brave woman Chloe, and a very lucky one. The bullet missed your spine by fractions of an inch, and most of the damage avoided your major organs.”

“How… long until I can go?”

“That depends on you, at least a month until you can start physical therapy and we can start getting you back on your feet.”

“S-shit…”

The doc laughs and scribbles something on the chart. “At least we can let you start controlling the doses for the pain now. Max told me you were complaining about numbness.”

“Yeah.”

The doctor holds up a little remote with a red happy face button. “If the pain gets bad, push it. Don’t worry about an overdose, it’ll lock you out before you can get there.”

“Thanks Doc, that would just be embarrassing.”

She smiles and pulls back from the bed. “I’ll be by in a couple days to go over things in more detail with you.”

“W-wait.”

“Yeah?”

“What about my hormones?”

“We had to take you off them because of the surgery, we’re going to keep you off them for a few days just in case we need to take you back to the OR.”

“Oh… That helps explain why I feel extra shitty.”

“Sorry, we can’t risk it.”

And like that the doctor is gone. She aches for her phone.

Max returns in an hour, rushing through the door as if Chloe could be going anywhere anytime soon. “Hey Maxipad.”

“Hey yourself.”

Max sits in the chair next to the bed. Nobody else has used it. She takes up Chloe’s hand. She can kind of feel it now. “Soooo… San Francisco, way to fucking go Max.”

“I… I don’t want to go.”

“Afraid of that shitty teacher?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think he’s that dumb. Plus, Wells says I’ll have a police escort or something.”

“So…?”

“I don’t want to go.”

“If you don’t want to go because of me, I’m going to be super fucking pissed at you. You fucking  _ did it, _ Max. You’ve got your first step into the art world. I’m fucking proud of you.”

“T-thanks…”

“It’s not your fault I got shot, that was my own stupid decision.”

“I-I could have done something! I  _ should _ have done something! Like h-hit the fire alarm or step out or-“

“Max, no. If you’d stepped out you would have been shot and you actually deserve to keep living.”

Tears roll down Max’s face. “You deserve to live too Chloe! Don’t you dare say otherwise. You’re my best friend and you mean everything to me, okay? Don’t you fucking dare say that ever again.”

_ Shit Max, tell me how you really feel... _ “I… Shit, sorry.”

“And… What did you mean by your dad said hi? That like seriously freaked me out.”

Chloe scrunches her eyes, trying to force the weirdly hazy and distant memory back to the surface. “While I was out… I think I saw Rachel and Dad… D-don’t look at me like that. I… used to see my dad like that all the time. I started taking some pills and met Rachel and it stopped.”

“O-oh…”

“It’s not like I talk to the dead. My brain is just extra fucked up.”  _ At least I fucking hope so. _

“I mean, after everything that happened, I can’t say I blame you.”

She starts to feel the pain, her whole body tenses up as the slow fire of agony spreads out from the wound. Her hand scrambles looking for that remote and finds it next to her thigh, she pushes the button. “Are you okay Chloe?”

“P-pain… Holy shit! Getting shot sucks.”

She hears the small whine of a motor and the colour of her IV drip changes slightly. “Do you want me to get a nurse?”

She shakes her head, gritting her teeth as she waits for the numbness. It doesn’t take long. “Ahhhhhh… Sweet, sweet morphine… Anyways, this contest thing.”

“Yeah…”

“You’d better fucking go Max. I’m serious.”

“O-okay…”

“Take a bunch of pictures and we’ll like Skype or something after.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“It’s just a couple days Max, what’s the wo… Yeah yeah, don’t give me that look… What did you enter anyways?”

Max tenses a bit before she pulls out a newspaper. The frontpage story is all about Nathan and Jefferson getting busted, but under the fold it says “Local Teen Wins Photography Contest With Local Hero”. The picture is her, in the hall with Kate after the party. Kate’s sobbing, hunched over and scared while Chloe has an arm around Kate’s shoulder, her face a mask of fierce determination and rage. Like she’s this force of avenging protective anger for the smaller girl. The caption reads “Local hero Chloe Price captured after saving a Blackwell student from being the next victim.”

Years of living on the streets, alternatively ignored or reviled as a stain on the community. And now they’re calling her a fucking hero.  _ How fucking dare they _ . The heart monitor starts beeping faster. “Chloe?”

“I’m… so fucking not a hero.”

“You are, you saved Kate. You saved  _ me _ .”

“W-what?”

Max gets really busy playing with Chloe’s hand and looking everywhere but her face. “He… had some empty folders in that bunker, along with all the ones of the girl’s he’d gotten and photographed. Kate’s name was on one, Victoria’s on another. And  _ my _ name was on the last one.”

The heart monitor beeps even faster, her fists ball in rage. “… I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Chloe, breath. It’s okay, he’s on the run now, they’ll catch him eventually.”

She has to close her eyes and takes a few long, deep breaths. The beeping slows. “I just… if I hadn’t caught him with Kate…”

“But you did. And then…”

“Then I did something really stupid. Like usual.”

“Chloe…”

Her throat goes tight and burns, she tries to fight to keep her voice from cracking but fails. “It  _ was _ stupid Max. My life was just starting to not be complete dogshit all the time since you came back, and I nearly got myself killed.”

“R-Rachel was your angel, you told me that. You’ve always been crazy protective about the people you care about.”

“I got into so many fist fights over you.”

“Yeah… People really stopped trying to mess with me after that...”

“Something on your mind?”

“A… lot actually.”

Chloe can feel the fatigue already pulling at her, getting shot will do that to you. “Out with it Caulfield.”

Max laughs softly, shaking her head. “You never could stand secrets, could you?”

“Nooooope. I hate fake people who hide behind lies all the time.”

“Fine, fine…”

“Quit stalling, I’m…” She doesn’t even bother stifling the yawn. “Going to be passing out soon.”

“What if I want to keep stalling?”

“Must be good if you’re being all shy about it.”

Max purses her lips and her fingers start drumming on the guard rail of the bed. “Well…” She takes a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

“I fucking called it.”

Max’s face goes beet red and her eyes wide in that stupid cute way she does when Chloe’s already guessed whatever she was trying to hide. “I-I… Right, I admitted Dana was cute.”

“For real Max… I got shot, I don’t… have… amnesia.”

The darkness is tugging at her, it’s tendrils wrapping around her mind and dragging her under. She wants to stay up, get Max to spit out whatever is on her tongue. “Are ya fading on me captain?”

“I’ll… get you… nextim-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I made a mistake in my life today  
> Everything I love gets lost in the drawers  
> I want to start over, I want to be winning  
> Way out of sync from the beginning  
> I wanna hurry home to you  
> Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up  
> So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain  
> God, I'm very, very frightened, I'll overdo it"  
> \-- Slow Show - The National
> 
> As always a huge thanks to my beta readers, [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip), Olga and Kay.
> 
> As noted in my other ongoing fics, I have a concussion. I've got a few weeks of updates in the tank for Statistics, but if the updates stop it's due to my injury.


	15. On the Tracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe gets some outside contact.

When she wakes up, the room is devoid of people. The pile of flowers, balloons and presumably cards at the foot of the bed is nice though. _Guess some people do care, poor bastards._

She tries to sit up before the stab of pain from her gut teaches her the folly of such notions. She looks around quickly. No Max, no mom. On the bedside, Max’s laptop and her phone with a sticky note were waiting for her. _At least I won’t die from boredom._ She does her best to grab for them without twisting her body. Even with the painkillers in her system, it’s a struggle and leaves her panting and sweating. But she has the laptop and her phone.

She checks the note.

> Hey Chloe! It’s Max. If you’re reading this I’m probably on the plane to San Francisco or will be in the morning. Or maybe on my way back, you’ve been out for a while. At any rate, text me when you finish reading this. I wish you were here with me; I couldn’t have done this without you. I could seriously use my old partner in crime to help me with all these nerves!
> 
> P.S. yes emoji :)
> 
> P.P.S. When I get back we seriously need to talk without you passing out on me again.

Her head falls back into her pillow, a bittersweet thrill in her chest. _This is it. Max fucking did it. She’s actually gone and put herself out there, and no shit she’s gonna make it. She doesn’t need me, she never has. She’s going to go off and do amazing shit and I’m just going to be a weight around her neck. I wonder if she’s going to realize it quickly? Nah she’ll probably try and drag me along for years before she gets that she deserves friends who can do amazing things like she can._ She checks the time on the phone, 10:23 AM. _At least I woke up in the morning?_

 **Chloe** 10:24 AM

yo, partner in crime, this is your captain speaking: NO EMOJI

She turned her attention to the laptop, which had a USB sticking out of the side of it. _Guess I’ll watch a movie or something…_ She flipped the lid up and pushed the power button and while she waited for it to boot. She puts in Max’s password and opens up the prompt for the USB when Windows decides to wake up and notice its existence. The directory is pretty sparse.

> **Chloe Movies (From Warren and Max)**

She opens the folder and breaks down crying on the spot. It’s all movies she watched with Max when they were kids, the stuff her dad snuck them when Joyce was out working at the diner. Even ones she hadn’t remembered until reading their names on the list. _She even managed to get fucking Johnny Five._

Her phone buzzes, it’s a selfie of Max and Principal Wells walking down the jetway.

 **Chloe** 10:35 AM

ground control to major max, you’re looking damn fine

also these movies are so not fucking fair dude

 **Max** 10:37 AM

Major Max to ground control, I’ve touched down in the strange area known as The Bay Area, there are many hostile life forms.  
I believe they are called ‘snobs’.

Her laughter causes a surge of pain. She hammers the morphine button.

 **Max** 10:38 AM

You don’t like the movies?

 **Chloe** 10:39 AM

they're awesome, i had no idea you remembered all of them.

doesn’t feel right watching them without you tho

 **Max** 10:41 AM

Then use my Netflix ^^

 **Chloe** 10:42 AM

can do major max

ALSO NO EMOJI GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

 **Max** 10:43 AM

:( :( :( But I like emoji

 **Chloe** 10:44 AM

grrrr you’re lucky i’m doped to shit

 **Max** 10:45 AM

LOL. If you’re really bored, I can let some people know you want visitors. Kate’s been asking me constantly.

 **Chloe** 10:46 AM

send in the kate

Another selfie came in, her and Wells getting into a cab, a cop car right behind them. _The pigs better not fuck this up._

She drums her fingers on the laptop before she takes a quick look at her social media. Her wall and private messages are flooded with messages of well wishes and apologies. It makes her blood boil. _Where the fuck were you when I was living under a fucking BRIDGE?!_ She wants to scream at everyone. So many of them had been happy trying to forget she existed while she was literally on the street. But now? They could go fuck themselves.

She manages to force down enough bile to send a message to her old D&D group chat with Mikey and Steph. At least they’d been decent to her. Steph had even let her crash on her couch one summer when her parents were away.

 **Chloe** 11:02 AM

i managed to pass my heal check

recovery sucks, send a cleric

 **Steph** 11:04 AM

Holy shit dude, you know that you’re all over the news, right?

 **Chloe** 11:05 AM

are they getting my name and shit right?

 **Steph** 11:06 AM

They fucked it up at first, I called a few stations and they cleared it up.

 **Mikey** 11:08 AM

I heard something about Max making sure they got it right at the local paper.

 **Steph** 11:10 AM

Wait, _the_ Max is back? Shit, I moved out at the wrong time.

 **Chloe** 11:12 AM

the fuck are you talking about?

 **Steph** 11:13 AM

I wanna see who’s so awesome you literally never shut up about her years after she moved.  
Gotta be someone special to capture that Price heart, not even Rachel managed that.

 **Chloe** 11:15 AM

shut up

 **Mikey** 11:16 AM

She’s down in San Francisco because she won that contest.

 **Steph** 11:17 AM

I might just have to drive up from LA, see what all the fuss is about. Maaaaaaybe even get a piece of that action.

 **Chloe** 11:18 AM

you better fucking not

 **Steph** 11:19 AM

Ohhhhhhh! Someone’s possessive! You ask her out yet?

 **Mikey** 11:20 AM

Oh shit, lesbian fight.

 **Chloe** 11:23 AM

…

not yet

 **Steph** 11:24 AM

Oh?

 **Chloe** 11:25 AM

kinda got shot dude

 **Steph** 11:26 AM

Crap, sorry.

Going to ask her when she gets back from that contest?

 **Chloe** 11:27 AM

i’m working on it, okay?

 **Mikey** 11:28 AM

Holy crap, is CHLOE being shy?!

 **Steph** 11:29 AM

God damn, I gotta see her now. She has to be amazing.

 **Chloe** 11:31 AM

shut up i hate you both.

 **Steph** 11:33 AM

Ask her out and then I'll shut up.

You must be crazy bored in that hospital, we could do like remote D&D or something.

 **Mikey** 11:35 AM

I’m definitely going to come visit once my homework is done for today.

 **Chloe** 11:37 AM

omg please, its so fucking boring here.

Her phone buzzed again, another selfie of Max, this time in her hotel room. _She’s putting on that big goofy grin for me, she looks so fucking tired._

 **Chloe** 11:42 AM

nice digs, room all too yourself?

 **Max** 11:44 AM

Yup, the exhibition is in the afternoon so I get to relax for a few hours.

 **Chloe** 11:45 AM

shame i’m not there with you rockstar, we could totally trash that place!

 **Max** 11:46 AM

Chloe, no! No trashing hotel rooms!

 **Chloe** 11:47 AM

fiiiiiiine, I guess. I can think of some other things to do in that room...

 **Max** 11:48 AM

You are just the worst, you know that?

 **Chloe** 11:49 AM

yet you can’t get enough of me

The phone starts buzzing with an incoming call. She doesn’t even bother hiding the smirk from her voice. “Sup Max.”

“Someone’s doing better.”

 _Shit, she sounds tired._ “As long as I stay still, yeah. How’s San Francisco?”

“It’s… great. I just wish you were here.”

“This is _your_ special moment Max. You don’t need me there.”

There’s a sucking of air on the other end of the line. “Chloe… What happened to trying to be not so hard on yourself?”

“I’m not… Look, you did this, you deserve all the spotlight.”

“It wasn’t just me. You and Kate are the ones in the picture, and that moment happened all because you did something amazing and badass.”

The sad thing is she wants to believe Max’s words. That she’s worthy of the praise, that she actually did something awesome. But they just sound so hollow. “Max I just-”

“Don’t say ‘I just did what anyone else would do’ because that’s _fucking bullshit_ . Nobody else would have payed such close attention. Nobody else would have stepped in and risked a fight with _Nathan_ for Kate. You _did_ do something awesome Chloe. Don’t you fucking dare say you didn’t.”

“And then I did something really fucking stupid and almost threw everything away.”

Her heart aches as she hears sobs coming through Max’s end of the line. “God dammit Chloe, you were trying to find Rachel. You were being selfless and awesome like you always are.”

“I’m no-”

“NO! Chloe, you are! You’ve always been my fucking hero since we were kids, okay?” Her chest feels tight, and her heart falls to pieces as Max’s voice breaks. “I was always so scared to do _anything_ and you were always so fucking fearless. It made me feel like I could actually do things and they would be okay as long as _you_ were there. That’s probably why it was so hard for me to keep in touch. You weren’t there to show me that I wasn’t going to just fuck it all up by saying ‘hi’, I jumped at Blackwell not only because I wanted to study under… that fucking creep but because I thought I might find you again.”

“I… Well… Shit Max.”

“Y-yeah… So, I don’t want to hear you hating yourself, okay? You mean everything to me and it breaks my heart to hear you saying crap like that.”

Tears start rolling down her cheeks and she rests heavily into the bed. _I don’t fucking deserve any of this._ “I… don’t deserve you Max.”

“Bullshit, you didn’t deserve any of the horrible crap that happened to you. Okay? None of it. You’re awesome and wonderful and what you deserve is to be happy.”

Her throat burns as it closes up and the crying overtakes her. Despite everything, despite all her fuckups and nearly throwing her life away for a girl who was so obviously dead, Max still thinks she’s some kind of fucking hero? That she deserves happiness after all of it? She’s so used to wallowing in shame and self hate that the concept is still completely alien to her, even after everything Max has done for her in such a short time.

“Shhhhhhh, it’s okay.”

“I-I-It’s not, okay?! Y-you’re going to graduate and I’m going to be left here and everything is going to back to shit again! Everyone always fucking leaves me.”

“I-That’s not going to happen. We’ll figure something out when I get back. Alright?”

“I’ll… believe it when I see it, I guess.”

“Trust me, okay?”

“… Okay. You sound like you could use a rest.”

“I… didn’t sleep much the past few days, I was so scared of losing you.”

“Well I’m stuck here now so you might as well get some sleep.”

“Okay… I’ll get some sleep. You try and relax, okay? Kate says she’ll be by as soon as the bus can get her there, and she’s asking if she can bring other people.”

“Just… Kate for now, okay? I don’t think I can handle too many people.”

“Okay, I’ll let her know…”

She can feel the unsaid words over the phone, those three little words that’ll make her heart explode and damn her to inevitable disappointment. She _wants_ to say them, to throw caution into the wind and just let her heart get broken because it’ll be worth it for the time spent. _I’m such a fucking coward._ “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah… See you.”

Click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Leave me on the tracks  
> To wait until the morning train arrives  
> Don't you dare look back  
> Walk away  
> Catch up with the sunrise"  
> \-- Landfill - Daughter
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter everyone! Let me know what you think in the comments. Sadly only a few more to go before I run out of backlog and my hiatus kicks in.


	16. Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate stops by and Chloe has some mail.

She drifts along, in that space between sleep and the waking world as voices war for dominance in her mind. It’d been a while since she’d let everything slip again, just letting her mind fracture and wander around in circles arguing with herself. Back when she’d been snowed in that winter, no Rachel, no Frank, not even a fucking book. Beans day after day as she’d quickly succumbed to cabin fever, her mind failing to the point she started seeing dad everywhere and she started arguing with herself. This is different though, all of her self hatred and loathing are trying to strangle the life from Max’s words.

She can’t let them die though, she won’t. _Someone cares._ _Someone actually cares and it's Max._ _Max and her fucking face full of freckles and doe eyed innocence and heart too big for her own good cares about you._

_ And we almost threw it away, and for what? _

_ For Rachel, FUCK! _

_ Rachel who was all too happy to get with other people. _

_ We had a fucking understanding! We … She needed more than we could give her. _

_ And Max is going to want that too. _

_ We haven’t even gotten to telling her our fucking feelings yet! _

_ She’ll still want it. And we can’t. _

_ We’re so close though! We’ve almost got the cash! _

_ You think any decent doctor will take our fucking drug money? This is a fucking pipe dream. It always has been. _

_ Frank said something about laundering the money! _

_ FRANK IS GONE. _

_ He’ll come back! _

_ No, he won’t. His ass is grass now. The only reason we’re not in jail is because Rachel’s dad is probably covering for us. _

_ We’ll find a way. For Max. _

_ WHAT WAY?! There’s no way we’ll be able to save that much cash again, and if we ever spend it we’ll probably end up in fucking jail. _

_ Will Max even want us without it? _

_ No one will want us. Ever. _

_ Max is different. _

_ So was Rachel. _

_ Max isn’t like her! _

_ Now, but what about when we keep saying no because of it? _

_ We’ll find a way. _

_ We’ll fucking fail like we always do. _

_ She’s worth fucking trying for. _

The door to her room creaks open, her eyes opening as she tries to drag her mind back into focus. She has to blink a bit under the harsh hospital fluorescents until the vaguely human shaped blob resolves into Kate, a small, fragile smile on her face. “H-hey Chloe.”

Her arm is heavy from the drugs but she manages a small wave. “Sup.”

Kate’s smile grows warmer and she slowly walks forwards. “How are you doing?”

“I’m… Well I’m still breathing so I’ll take it.”

Kate pulls a chair up beside her and gently rests a hand on her arm. “We’re all glad you’re still here with us.”

“… Yeah. Sorry you have to see me like this… At least I’m better off than Rachel.”

The gentle grip on her arm tightens, but the feeling is muted through the meds, just like her thoughts.  _ Shit, I’m still disassociated to fuck. _ “S-shit, sorry Kate.”

Kate’s fragile smile cracks but stays in place. “It’s okay. It… must have been hard to hear that.”

“It… wasn’t, I already sorta knew. Nathan bought pills from Frank just before she disappeared. I was in that bathroom trying to get a confession… And after I saw her and my dad before I woke up.”

The smile fractures further and her pale skin goes whiter. “O-oh… Like a dream?”

“… Yeah. A dream. Anyways how are you doing? How’s Alice?”

“I-I’m doing okay. They cancelled classes for a few days so I was able to catch up on a lot of homework. Alice is doing well.”

Chloe let her eyes drift shut without falling asleep, just listening to Kate’s gentle voice. “What’s with all the cards at the foot of the bed?”

“I… asked people to write you some get well cards. A lot of people did.”

_ I wonder how many of them just want their dealer back? _ “That was really sweet of you. Didn’t know anyone cared.”

She can hear Kate fidget, but she focuses on her breathing and trying to reground her thoughts. “A lot of people do, more than you’d think.”

A bitter chuckle escaped her lips despite herself. “Definitely news to me…”

“Why don’t I read you the cards?”

“… Sure.”

Chloe let herself focus on Kate’s thin, gentle voice as she resumed trying to ground herself from her internal fight as she read through a pile of nearly identical get well cards. The words of condolences and well wishes so hollow she could use them as flutes. There were names she recognized, and their words sounded less hollow, but they were all people she dealt to, like Logan, Justin and Trevor.

“And this one is from Victoria.”

Chloe’s eyes fly open and she gives Kate a questioning look. “I hope you were just trying to see if I was awake.”

Kate's smile softened and she shook her head. “The past couple days she’s been… shaken.”

_ Bet it’s because she’s out of blow. Fucking snow queen of Blackwell… Fuck, she’s probably hooked pretty bad on the stuff, just another thing I fucked up. I hope she can get rehab or something. _ “Yeah?”

“Her and Nathan were close. She, uh, asked me if she could come visit you, but I told her to write a letter first.”

_ Good idea, cocaine withdrawal can’t be pretty… _ “So, the letter then.”

Kate nods, before starting to read. “Dear Chloe. I have no *ahem* frigging idea what to write.”

Chloe laughs so much at Kate’s censorship attempt that she needs to start hammering the ‘make the pain stop’ button. Kate’s face goes red and she fidgets a lot in her seat. “I… She’s certainly not holding back on the language.”

“Probably not, I swear a lot so she probably thought it’d get across to me better. Why don’t you pass it here and I’ll read it?”

Kate nodded before excusing herself to get a glass of water. Chloe squinted a bit at the tall, immaculate cursive script.  _ Victoria gonna Victoria, I guess.  
_

_ _

[ _ (Plaintext link) _ ](https://pastebin.com/qAtWcvNQ)

She blinks a few times at the letter, whatever grounding she had only lingering in the tactile feel of her fingers against the expensive card stock. Kate’s hand gently graces her arm and she gives Chloe a kind but expectant look. “What did she say?”

Chloe’s voice strains under the emotion but she keeps it from cracking. “She’s... actually sorry and she’s actually kind of jealous of me? I think the queen b-… meanie of Blackwell might actually have a soul.”

Kate laughs gently, mirth twinkles in her eyes for the first time since she’d come in. “You can swear around me, I don’t mind.”

“Heh, you’re like a little sister to me. Sorry.”

Kate’s laugh returns, a little louder. “And here I was used to being the big sister.”

“Oh yeah?”

Kate nods, her smile finally reaching her eyes as she looks off with a slightly wistful look on her face. “I’ve got two little sisters, Lynn and Susan.”

“You close?”

Kate nods, with more enthusiasm. “Very close, my staying in the Blackwell dorms was pretty hard on them but they seemed happy that I was finally doing things for myself.”

She lets her head fall back into the pillow, imagining having any home life and fighting not to cry. “Sounds wonderful.”

“It’s… Not all sunshine and roses. My mother is really… judgemental. She doesn’t really want me coming to see you. What with… what you used to do for money.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying stuff about her after the party.”

“… She still doesn’t know what happened, I just told her that you were close to Max and that Max was my friend and out of town.”

Chloe doesn’t fit the wry smile that climbs onto her lips. “So, you told her you were just doing the Good Christian thing and looking out for someone who has no one. My bad influence must be rubbing off on you.”

Kate gives that musical giggle again and Chloe feels warmth at the mischievous twinkle in those hazel eyes. “Just maybe. I… haven’t told her what you are or she wouldn’t have let me visit anyways.”

“So, she’s  _ that _ kind of person…”

“… Unfortunately.”

Chloe’s phone buzzing saves them from following  _ that _ particular topic of conversation. “Huh, Max wants a skype call?”

Kate’s smile turns sly and she slides in so she’s next to Chloe. “Better answer it.”

_ Okay, this is definitely a setup. _ She swipes to accept and is greeted by Max’s face, then a huge cheer of “HI CHLOE!” from like a dozen people all dressed like they  _ belong _ in an art gallery. She winces a bit from the volume but does her best to put on a brave face. The picture preview almost makes her wince again. Her eyes are sunken and she’s the palest she’s been since that winter.  _ Holy shit, I look like hell. _ “H-hey Max.”

Max’s brilliant smile dominates the frame as she sweeps around to show her the crowd of people gathered around her, and then up to so she can see them all gathered around Max’s photo. Max’s voice is all tinny, probably from all the people causing the mic to peak. “Hi Kate!”

Kate gives a small wave before leaving the frame. “Holy shit Max, you really did it. You actually got your work up in a gallery.”

Her eyes start to water, it’s damn dusty in this hospital. “Thanks to you two, yeah. It still doesn’t feel real.”

“It’s real Max, you did it. You’re a motherfucking artist.”

Max’s smile practically glows through the screen as she walks away from all the waving onlookers, down some stairs and into a darker room. “How are you holding up?”

“About as good as I can be, Kate’s been reading me the letters I’ve been getting.”

“Thank you so much Kate.”

“It’s not a problem.”

“Just wait until you get a look at this letter I got from Victoria, she’s like actually sorry and shit.”

The surprise is clear ever through the compression. “I… wow, I was definitely not expecting that.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t either. She wants to come and talk about what went down.”

“Are you going to?”

“I’ll think about it. It’d be nice to see people until you get back, Mikey is coming by later and Steph says she’s going to try and set us up some online D&D.”

Kate’s cheerful voice chimes in. “See? You do have friends.”

_ When it’s convenient for them... _ “… Yeah. Having a good time there, Max?”

“Yeah! There are so many amazing photographers here, I really wish you were here for this.”

“I somehow doubt Wells would let  _ me _ be your plus one, if you even got to have one.”

“Yeah… At least I’m not stuck with Jefferson.”

All three of them shudder at the name. “We’ll have to go back some time, when I’m not stuck in a hospital bed.”

“I’d like that… Shit, Wells is trying to get my attention. I’ll chat with you after the show!”

The line goes dead and Chloe’s head flops back into the pillow and her phone slips from her fingers onto the bed. “Way to fucking go Max.”

“She’s definitely on her way.”

Thoughts of Max walking away into the great world and never coming back dance in her mind again as she stares up at the ceiling. “I wonder if she’ll remember us little people when she’s all big and famous.”

“I’m sure she will; most people don’t spend every second they can in the hospital with someone they don’t care about.”

Chloe turns her head to catch a flash of a ‘I know something you don’t’ smile on Kate’s lips. “Max isn’t most people. I don’t think she’s ever not tried to help someone.”

“You aren’t most people either, I doubt Max would try and get just anyone to live in her dorm with her.”

_ Well, she kinda fucking owes me for vanishing.  _ “Maybe… Ugh, I think I’m going to have to tell Mikey to come by tomorrow, I’m barely awake here. Give Victoria my cell number and I’ll text with her.”

Kate’s answer sounds far away as she slips back into the inky black.

The sound of a lock clicking shut brings her back to the land of the living, her eyes snapping open. She squints through the fluorescent assault on her eyes, trying to put a name to the face through the haze of painkillers. She fails for a few moments before his eyes fix on her.  _ Sean motherfucking Prescott. _

The beeping of the heart monitor speeds up.

She doesn’t even bother to keep the disgust from her face as his cold, dead eyes fix her with a gaze probably calculated to make her feel small and insignificant. She knows how fucking hollow and bullshit it is; she knows a fucking liar when she sees one. He stiffens at her expression, his shoulders coming back as he narrows his eyes. “Hello, Ms. Price.”

She doesn’t bother keeping any of the venom from her voice as she spits his name onto the floor. “Prescott.”

His thin lips curl upwards a fraction but he keeps his gaze level. “I have a proposition for you.”

She just stares at him, silently hoping she’ll develop heat vision and melt him to slag.

It doesn’t work and he continues. “I have been informed about the nature of your… situation. I believe we can come to an understanding that is beneficial to us both.”

She clenches her teeth and starts wishing for a micrometeor to cave in his skull.  _ Got nothing to fucking say to you dickwipe. _

He lifts a small attaché case, resting it on a chair and clicking it open before pulling out a page and approaching her. Her heart monitor picks up. He tosses the documents onto the bed, just out of her reach before retreating a few paces and watching, a smug look sculpted into his stupid fucking face.  _ I wish I could fucking smash it. _ She grits her teeth harder against the pain as she leans to grab the page. Waves of agony crash over her, but she doesn’t let it show. He doesn’t get to fucking see it.

She skims over the page. _So basically, don’t sue or testify, gotcha fuckstick, not hap-_ Her eyes settle on the dollar figure at the bottom of the page. _Holy fuck that’s a lot of zeroes._ _Joyce probably won’t make this much money if she works for her entire fucking life._

Her eyes flick up to Sean and his smug face is somehow even more punchable.  _ I’d give up every fucking penny to pound the shit out of that stupid fucking face. _ “What is your answer, Ms. Price?”

“I’ll… have to think about it.”

His smirk shifts to a serpentine smile. “My number is on the page, call me when you’ve made the correct decision.”

He swiftly collects his attaché case, unlocks the door and leaves, letting Chloe let the pain out in a desperate gasp while she hammers the happy times button. Oblivion takes her not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All that I wanted wasn't unwanted  
> Oh and I wonder why I'm not wanted  
> All that I wanted was not there  
> But I dared  
> Be wanted"  
> \-- All I Wanted - Daughter
> 
> A huge thanks to Kay and [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip) for betaing.
> 
> This may be my last chapter for this fic for a while, the next one is kind of a mess and my concussion is not making fixing it easy. Whenever I get it fixed up I'll post it, but until otherwise stated this fic should be considered on hiatus for a while, as much as I hate to do it. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this and I hope I can get back to posting regularly soon. Let me know what you think of this chapter and the thing I tried with the letter in the comments.
> 
> Also holy crap I've posted over 100k words in like 84 days.


	17. The Hand That Feeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max returns and arrangements are made.

Her eyes crack open when she feels a hand close around her own and finds a familiar freckled face smiling warmly back at her. “Hey Chloe.”

She feels herself smiling back, warmth flooding her now that Max is back with her again. “Hey yourself. How was Frisco?”

Max laughs softly and tucks an errant lock of rich, brown hair behind her ear. “It was great, I basically ran out of film by the end of it. Would have been better with my partner in crime though.”

Now it’s Chloe’s turn to laugh, it’s so warm and genuine it surprises her. _Fuck, haven’t laughed like that in a long time. I wonder if it’s the drugs?_ “Next time we’re totally trashing that hotel room.”

Max’s laughter stops being soft and she gives Chloe’s hand a squeeze. It sends a thrill up to her heart and she can’t help the way her smile gets bigger. “Oh no! We are so not doing that!”

“OH WE SO ARE! You’re a fucking photography rock star Max!”

Max’s face goes red and she does that little thing she used to do when Chloe piled on the compliments when they were little where she bites her lip and turns her head. _That shit is so cute it could be fucking weaponized._ “I-It was just a stupid little contest.”

“A stupid little contest that you fucking WON! Stop being so hard on yourself.”

Max’s laugh came back and she squeezed Chloe’s hand again. “You’re not allowed to give me crap about that!”

“… Shit, sorry.”

Like that, Chloe’s killed the mood. She didn’t deserve the mood to begin with anyways. Max’s visage flips from jovial to concerned in an instant and she’s squeezing Chloe’s hand again. “N-No, I’m sorry. I totally killed the mood by saying that.”

“Nah, I killed the mood by not letting it pass. Don’t sweat it Max.” The familiar sadness seeps in. It feels right. She’s supposed to be fucking sad, it’s what she does. The hipster doesn’t respond, just squeezes her hand again and her eyes cast downwards. _Oh, please don’t fucking pout, my heart can’t take that._ “And… There’s something I need to tell you about.”

Max immediately perks up, like this is something she’s been waiting for a long time. Chloe has too, since they were kids. But she can’t say those words, she doesn’t dare let happiness in because she knows it’s going to get ripped away because she’s going to do something fucking stupid again. Maybe one day. “… Shit, when was I last awake? When is now?”

“Last night and it’s like 2pm, I had Wells drop me off here.”

Guilt swims with the sadness pooling in her gut. “Shit, you didn’t like, go to your dorm and change?”

Max’s face gets a touch redder and her heart beats a little faster. “I just wanted to get here and see you.”

 _Oh, you fucking dork._ “You could have at least showered.”

Her mouth falls open before she gently swats Chloe’s bicep. “I showered this morning!”

“Yeah, and then you sat on an airplane!”

Chloe tries to keep her face serious; she really does, as Max’s face turns redder. She can’t and she busts out laughing to the point she’s hammering the happy times button again. “S-shit! Over – Over did it.”

Max’s hand isn’t holding Chloe’s anymore, they’ve moved to her shoulders as she gently pushes her back into the bed. “Shhhhh, it’s okay. Just relax, okay? I need to go back soon and unpack, then I’ll come right here.”

Her skin tingles at the touch and she feels her cheeks gently burning at how Max’s face is _right_ fucking there. “Y-yeah, you owe me some movie watching.”

Max laughs softly as she pulls back and holds Chloe’s hand again, her thumb rubbing over the back of it. “Sounds good. I… think Wells also wanted to talk to you about something.”

She sighs, she needs to tell her. “Yeah, well, Wino Wells can wait. I’ve got something fucking important to tell you.”

Her stomach twisted at the shock and hope written in Max’s face as she silently nodded. _Fuck, I phrased that so god damn poorly… If only I wasn’t such a fucking coward, I’d say the words. Fuck._ “Sean Prescott was here; he had an offer for me.”

Max’s face went pale and her body froze up. “W-what?”

“I don’t sue him or testify, and I get more money than most people make in a fucking lifetime. I think a nurse put the paper on the table next to you.”

She watches Max pick up the paper, enjoying the cute way that her brow scrunches up as she reads. When Max’s eyes turn into dinner plates, she knows she’s done. “Yeah, fuck, right?”

The hipster nods slowly, gingerly laying the paper back down like it’s a live bomb. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, if Victoria is serious about her apology, I have an idea. For now, I guess I’ll need to talk to Wells…. Can you stay here for that?”

Max gives Chloe’s hand a squeeze and nods. “Yeah, I can be here for that.”

Wells looks as fucking pompous as ever, despite the haggardness around the edges. _Probably all the blowback from Nathan and Jefferson. Bet his liver is feeling it._ “Wells.”

He nods and crosses his arms, doing his best to look thoughtful. Chloe never bought his bullshit to begin with. “Ms. Caulfield… _Ms._ Price. I want to extend an apology on behalf of Blackwell and it’s staff for our… repeated failures to intervene and prevent the present situation.”

 _You mean you couldn’t go against sugar daddy Prescott._ “… Thanks.”

Wells nods again, before placing a hand on the table at the foot of her bed. She squeezes Max’s hand, who returns it. “I have also been informed of your… current living arrangements. It is the opinion of the faculty and myself that we did you a deep disservice by not allowing you to remain on campus during your... difficulties. As such, we are prepared to offer you a dorm of your o-“

Chloe cuts him off, the rage bubbling her gut demanding release. “If you’re talking about sticking me in the fucking boys dorms, fuck you. The only vacancy right now is Nathan’s room, and I sure as fuck don’t want to be in there or the boy’s dorms.”

Wells winces and sighs. “I’m sorry Ms. Price, but allowing you to live with your girlfriend is the sort of impropriety we cannot allow at Blackwell.”

Chloe felt her cheeks starting to burn, a quick glance at Max showed her that the poor girl’s face was redder than a tomato. Max spoke up first, “I-I, n-no!”

“We -- We’re not girlfriends.”

Something about the wry, amused smile on Wells’ face makes her guts flutter. “Then I was… misinformed. I find it odd that you would show such devotion to someone you are not in a relationship with.”

Chloe can’t help rolling her eyes. “Dude, back off. We’ve been friends since we were like five and six.”

Wells nods, seemingly satisfied at the explanation.

“I-I’ll ask my parents, if they okay it, can Chloe keep living with me? She doesn’t belong in the boy’s dorms.”

Well’s taps a finger on his chin while he makes a display out of pretending to consider the point. “… If they consent to it, I don’t see why not. Provided things remain _chaste._ Any hint of impropriety and you _will_ have to move to a different dorm.”

The pair nod, and Max gives her hand another squeeze. _Did her palms get sweaty?_ “Furthermore, while you are at Blackwell, you must be learning. There isn’t nearly enough time in the academic year to make up for what was lost, but Ms. Grant has volunteered to give you one on one instruction so you can make progress towards getting your GED. Attendance to these classes is mandatory, if you stop attending for any reason that is not a medical emergency or something else of that nature, I will have to remove you from the grounds. Am I understood?”

Chloe nods emphatically. _Fuck, am I actually going to get an education?_ “Yes, I understand.”

Wells nods gravely. “Are you ready to go Ms. Caulfield?”

Max bites her lower lip, “I need to call my parents and tell Chloe what they say first, is that okay?”

“I see no issue with that, I’ll be downstairs in the lobby.”

With Wells gone Max turns to Chloe and smiles gently. “Guess I gotta explain things to my parents now, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, I mean it. You have no idea how nice it is to be indoors again.”

“I just hope I can keep it that way.”

Max steps out of the room and Chloe lays her head back and tries to not imagine the conversation Max is having. She fails almost immediately. _Shit, did she tell her parents about me yet? Oh god, what if they’re all shitty about it?_ She grips the thin hospital blanket and tries to breathe. _It’ll be fine, Max’s parents were always pretty cool if kinda clueless. Besides, maybe the boy’s dorms won’t be so bad? At least I’ll have a roof over my head… I can’t even fucking pretend. God, I’d rather be back under the bridge than be there, just… ugh._ She drums her fingers on the hospital bed as she waits for Max to return and give her the news. If it’s bad news, she can at least start figuring things out. If it’s good news, well…

The door swings back open and Max is all smiles. “Hey!”

“Good news?”

Max practically skips to the bedside before leaning in and hugging Chloe. “They said yes!”

The tension drains from her body as she wraps her arms around Max, tugging her close and enjoying the feeling. “Fuck yeah! How did they take… me?”

Max pulls back, her face a little flushed as she grimaces. “They were… I don’t think they really get it, but they were okay with us living together as long as…”

Chloe tenses up as she waits for something really, _really_ stupid to be said. “As?”

Max fidgets, her face blushing a few shades brighter. “A-as long as I don’t get pregnant.”

There it is. The really fucking stupid thing. She can’t help the bitter laughter that leaves her grabbing for the morphine remote. Max looks on, clearly mortified, her face pure red. Once the pain subsides, Chloe just sighs. “Okay, one, that was a really shitty thing for them to say.”

Max nods, her hands finding Chloe’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I told them that… What’s two?”

Chloe shrugs and tries not to pay too much attention to the way that Max’s thumb keeps rubbing over the back of her hand. “Like… We’re not a thing? Also, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even do it if I tried. I didn’t really go through… that puberty.”

Max’s thumb keeps rubbing away and her eyes dart away from Chloe’s face, her own face still extremely red. “O-oh…”

“I’m just happy Frank was able to help me out when I really needed it.”

Max gives a brittle smile and her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m… just glad you had someone. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s fine, I’m kind of glad you weren’t. You missed a lot of shit you didn’t need, plus you get to see the mostly finished product without the… shitty stuck in between steps.”

“Yeah, you turned out pretty awesome.”

Chloe shoots her a wink. “Fuck yeah I did. I can’t believe I almost threw it all away… Anyways, you should get to Wells before he freaks.”

Max’s rubs the back of her neck as she stands, her hand holding onto Chloe’s until the last moment. The gesture makes Chloe’s chest tingle. “Yeah, I’ll hurry back.”

“Oh! If you can, bring Victoria, saves me a text.”

Max nods before slipping out the door, Chloe rests her head back and sighs. _Max was… way too flustered there. Ugh, when I’m not all doped up we’re probably going to have to talk this stuff out…_ She shuts her eyes and tries to imagine how things will go if she actually fucking admits how she feels. _If Max returns my feelings_ … _we’ll be a thing for a few months in secret and then she moves away and I’ll maybe get an education… If she doesn’t, will she freak out and kick me out of the girl’s dorms? Will she put me down easy and let me keep crashing? … Why am I most freaked out about her saying yes?_

She drums her fingers on her stomach, utterly failing to catch a nap while the thoughts swirl around in her head. It eludes her and she opts to grab Max’s laptop and start idly browsing social media. Max had made an announcement that Chloe was awake and well wishers she barely knew had dog piled the post. _Damn, weed on wheels was popular, too bad I’m completely out of business. The less I have to do with whoever Frank got his supply from, the better. Plus hopefully it means a little detox for some of them._

Her mind rolls on to Victoria, and how she’s going to get her to go along with her idea. _It shouldn’t be hard, pretty sure she hates Nathan’s dad. I wouldn’t be surprised if she volunteers to help before I can even ask._

She keeps scrolling through feeds. _Should I post something? Nah, I don’t want to get buried in notifications from people I barely fucking know. I’m just glad mom’s being hands off… Maybe I should call her? … No, just text for now._

 **Chloe** 1:23pm

hey mom

 **Joyce** 1:25pm

Hey Chloe, how are you feeling?

 **Chloe** 1:27pm

fine, staying awake more now

 **Joyce** 1:28pm

That’s good, did you want me to bring you anything from your room?

We haven’t touched it since you left.

 **Chloe** 1:29pm

i didn’t leave

david kicked me out

 **Joyce** 1:30pm

Okay, sorry.

 **Chloe** 1:32pm

blankets would be nice

hella cold here

also like my old laptop would be nice so max can have hers back

 **Joyce** 1:34pm

Sure thing, when do you want me to drop it all off?

 **Chloe** 1:36pm

like 5ish? max should be here then

did you apologize to her while i was out?

 **Joyce** 1:38pm

Yes, we had a long talk about things.

That poor girl was completely beside herself about what happened, she kept blaming herself.

You’d better treat her right.

 **Chloe** 1:42pm

what is with everyone and thinking we’re a thing?

 **Joyce** 1:44pm

It’s not just anyone who spends a whole week in hospital with someone.

 **Chloe** 1:46pm

max would

remember when bongo hurt that rabbit?

 **Joyce** 1:48pm

How could I forget? The poor girl was in tears the whole time we took it to the vet.

 **Chloe** 1:49pm

anyways thanks for not throwing out my stuff.

also who’s paying for the hospital?

 **Joyce** 1:51pm

You’re still on our insurance, which is covering most of it.

A friend of Max’s also took up a collection, I think her name was Kate?

 **Chloe** 1:52pm

i helped her out, guess she’s repaying the favor

thanks mom, let me know when you give max the stuff

She lays her head back on the pillow and sighs, the emotional toll dragging her back into the space between waking and deep sleep.

Chloe is woken up by a heaviness engulfing her form, and her eyes snap open to see Max covering her in an old quilt her great grandma had made for her. Their eyes meet and Max breaks out into a huge smile. “Hey there sleepyhead.”

“Hey yourself, I guess Joyce gave you the stuff?”

Max nods as she finishes tucking Chloe in, leaving her arm with the IV above it and assuming her normal sitting next to her and holding her hand position. There’s a cough in the back of the room. Chloe looks over to see Victoria fidgeting. The bags under her eyes are deep and she can’t stop picking at something on her shirt. _Fuck, definitely in withdrawal._ “Hey Vic.”

She gets a nod and thin-lipped smile. “Hey.”

“Uh, thanks for the letter. Meant a lot.”

Victoria shuffles for a moment before nodding again. “Uh… You’re welcome. Thanks for, like, actually reading it and not throwing it in the trash.”

She feels Max squeeze her hand and she glances over, the nervousness radiating from her is hard to miss. “Do you want to step out for this Max?”

Max shakes her head. “It’s fine, we talked on the way here.”

Chloe shrugs and gives Max’s hand a squeeze of her own. “Alright, well, I forgive you. Rachel and I were pretty shitty to you, you were shitty back.”

Victoria nods, her nails drumming against the metal footboard. “Yeah, and… I wasn’t myself, because…”

“Yeah, well, that was kind of my fault.”

Vic’s lips go thin and her smile is a long gone memory. “Not really, you were just the delivery girl. If anyone’s at fault for this fucking mess, it’s me. I was so fucking obsessed with…”

Silence settles in as warring emotions are written all over Vic’s face. Max squeezes her hand again as Vic draws in a deep breath. “Fuck… I… I guess I’m addicted? Is that what the fuck this is?”

Chloe nods slowly, a pool of guilt forming in her gut. “I mean… I remember that one time I was late because Trevor was super paranoid and you threw a cup at my head over it. So, I’d say probably. Withdrawal kicking your ass?”

Victoria’s laughter is loud and full of bitter anger. “What the fuck kind of question is that?! Of fucking course it is! I haven’t fucking slept in _days_.”

Chloe feels Max’s flinches as the rant unfolds through their clasped hands. “Yeah, sorry about that…”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me. I was the idiot who thought I could handle it. After I ran out, I just started thinking about maybe if I’d been fucking sober, I’d have been able to catch what happened. If I hadn’t been so fucking focused of my next fucking line, I’d have seen what was happening with Nathan and Ma-Mr. Jefferson… At least he didn’t get to me, to Max, or to Kate.”

It takes Chloe a few tries to swallow clear the lump in her throat, but Max speaks up before she can. “It’s not your fault Victoria, he was playing all of us.”

Vic’s hand slaps down on the metal footboard with a hollow ping. “I was trying to fucking sleep with him to win that stupid fucking contest! I was practically throwing myself at him and he was going to fucking drug me and… Fuck.”

The only sound in the room for a few moments is the rapid beeping of Chloe’s heart monitor. Chloe opens her mouth a few times before actual words come out. “Looks, it’s not your fault. We’re just a bunch of fucking idiots and he’s a fucking monster. And speaking of monsters…”

Victoria grabs a spare chair by the door and uses it to sit down at the foot of the bed. “I had a feeling you wanted something.”

Chloe gestures with her head to the letter sitting on her bedside table, which Max grabs and hands over to Victoria. She watched her expression change from puzzlement, to amusement and finally to fury. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Vic tosses the letter onto the bed, giving it a death glare. “Not only did that fucking asshole keep Nathan from getting help, now he’s trying to bribe his way out of trouble _and_ be cheap about it?! No. Fucking. Way. We’re going to get you a fucking lawyer and we are going to sue the shit out of him.”

Chloe blinks in surprise. _Shit, I was not expecting that strong of a reaction._ _I guess we both fucking hate that slimeball. At least I don’t have to ask for a favour for this._ “Well shit. Thanks I guess.”

Vic shrugs as she pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this to fuck Sean over. That fucking asshole deserves to be dragged through the mud for the bullshit he put Nathan through.”

Chloe’s eyebrow rose up as she held up the obvious questions about why the shitbag who drugged girls at parties, shot her and killed Rachel deserved _any_ sympathy. For once though, she holds her peace. And that totally wasn’t because Max was giving her a warning look and squeezing her hand really, really tight. “Still, thanks…”

Vic nods slowly. “You can thank me after you win the case. Also, you two really need to stop pretending to not be dating already, you’re not fooling anyone.”

Chloe felt her cheeks burning and Max’s hand squeeze hers again. _No fucking way am I going to ask Max in front of fucking Victoria._

Max blurts it out first. “W-we’re not dating.”

Victoria just rolls her eyes. “Then why are you holding hands?”

Max’s hand darts out of Chloe’s and she feels like she just got shot again with the way her heart aches to have it back. Victoria carries on. “Anyways, I’m going to go make this call and come back. Try not to start fucking while I’m gone.”

Chloe feels her cheeks burning as Victoria saunters out of the room, when she glances over at Max, she’s greeted by a very red-faced hipster, busy chewing on her bottom lip. Her heart flutters in response and she looks down as their hands clasp again. _Could we? Fuck, I wish I’d said something sooner. Or just been born a girl. I bet this would be so much fucking easier if I was a ciswoman. No wondering about any of this bullshit. Just there’s a fucking stupid cute Max into me, let’s fucking go. Instead now I’ve got fucking Wells breathing down my neck, so if she is interested, and anyone finds out my ass is grass._

Her eyes flick over to Max and their eyes meet. The shy, tender smile on that freckled face definitely not helping the feelings bouncing around in her chest, the tingling around her heart intensifying. _Is she going to say it? Oh god, what if she does?_

The moment stretches on, their gazes locked together as Max’s hand finds Chloe’s again and her thumb rubs over the back of her hand. She wants to scream in frustration, to just pour her heart out to Max and fuck the consequences. But that little voice in the back of her head holds her back. _Wait, see if she’s going to abandon you again first._

The door opens and both of their heads jerk up to watch Victoria walking in with a smug look on her face. “Okay, you two seriously need to stop with the eye sex and listen up. Claudia is taking your case. I’m going to bring you a burner phone tomorrow to talk to her. Don’t talk to anyone about this, _especially_ the cops. That dibshit probably forced them to wait until he got to you first, so once word gets out that you aren’t playing along, they’ll want a statement. Do what she tells you and you’ll be fine. Now, I’ve got to go grab dinner with Kate. Ciao.”

The door swings shut and Chloe is left blinking in confusion. “Wait, the fuck is she doing with _Kate_?”

Max laughs. “We talked about it on the way over, she’s trying to be a better person and Kate wants to help her.”

“Huh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "My papa taught me how to howl  
> How to bear my teeth and growl  
> He taught me that the hand that feeds  
> Deserves to be bitten when it beats  
> He taught me how to break my chains  
> And that money ain't worth a thing  
> And that no man should get  
> More of my time than me  
> I may never be a rich man  
> But I can make sure I am free"
> 
> \-- The Hand That Feeds - The Crane Wives
> 
> Wow I really, _really_ suck at going on hiatus. I just can't handle the boredom. I've gotten a setup going that involves putting a nightmode on everything that allows me to keep writing, but at nowhere near my old pace. So updates will continue, but at a more sporadic pace.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, as always I eagerly await your comments.
> 
> And I wonder how that new tag got there...


	18. Oak & Ash & Thorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gang Plays D&D

Chloe glances up from her laptop screen and the pile of homework that lay in her email inbox. “Mikey! You made it!”

The once scrawny 13-year-old is now a scrawny 16-year-old. His smile is bright, if a little forced. “Calamastia, a pleasure as always.”

Chloe rolls her eyes but the smile stays fixed on her face as she sees Max and Kate file in behind him, both clutching character sheets. “Sup Elamon. Hey Max, hey Kate.”

The girls return the greeting. Max is all sunshine and rainbows as she assumes her usual spot, their fingers lacing together like usual. If Mikey and Kate notice or care, they don’t say anything about it. 

“How did your, er, thing with Victoria go?” Chloe asks.

Kate’s lips curl up into a sweet, if shy smile.  _ Is she blushing a little?  _ “It went well. She was really sweet and even a little shy.”

Max mocks a gasp and Chloe snickers. “Are you sure this was Victoria  _ Chase _ ?”

Kate’s laughter, as per usual, could put an angel to shame. “I know! I was definitely surprised. But she was definitely genuine about what she said in her letter. I think she’s trying really hard to be a better person.”

“And you’re helping her?” Asks Chloe, unable to keep a hint of concern out of her voice.

Kate nods, one hand fiddling with her cross. “That was why she asked me. She said that I’m the nicest person she knows, so if anyone can set her straight it’s me. So, I suggested she start helping at the SPCA on Saturdays.”

Max and Chloe share an incredulous look and Kate laughs again. “She’s going to take pictures of the animals to help them get adopted.”

Max’s eyebrows go up, along with the corners of her lips. “That’s actually a really good idea. And definitely sounds like her.”

Mikey coughs slightly. “When is Steph going to be ready?”

Chloe glances at her laptop. “She said she’d be ready at like 6:30, so in another like ten minutes.”

He shifts and nods. “Ah, then I suppose we should get the second laptop set up and get logged in.”

Max takes her laptop out of her bag, plugs it in and sets it up at the foot of Chloe’s bed while Mikey and Kate pull up chairs. Chloe flashes Max a grin as she resumes her seat. “Excited to  _ actually _ play this game?”

Max snorts and gives her hand a little squeeze. “Honestly, we had a lot of fun just making it up as we went.”

Chloe closes her eyes and rests her head back, the memories flooding back. “In retrospect, we probably should have figured something was up because I always played women characters.”

Max snickers. “One of many signs I guess.”

Chloe wants to ask Max just what she means by ‘many’, when the Skype call starts up. “Hey Steph.”

The call switches to video and Steph’s face appears on the screen, along with a shot of Mikey and Steph at the foot of her bed. “Hey Chloe. Wow, you look like shit.”

“You try getting shot, see what it does for your complexion.”

Her snarking gets a round of slightly nervous laughter and Chloe puts the chat window off to one side so her and Max can actually see the game board.

“Everyone ready?” Steph asks, and everyone choruses their assent.

_____

“I told you I had him!”

Elamon scoffs. “You most certainly did not! Were it not for my counterspell, you never would have made it within fifty paces!”

Calamastia groans. “You keep saying that, but it hasn’t happened yet! I’m just that good at dodging.”

“And that’s why I knew you would be able to handle that fireball.”

“Why is fireball your answer to  _ everything _ ? I barely get to fight anyone.”

Elamon’s laughter pealed out over the grassy meadows to either side of the well-worn road. “Yes, but my way is definitely efficient and there were no innocents nearby.”

Calamastia grumbles as she kicks a rock off into the grass, the pair plodding on in silence towards their destination. Bereft of orders from the king, they were left to wander the kingdom and do as they pleased, so they’d made the decision to attend a music festival in a nearby small town named Aarnhover.

“We really must invest in horses when we are able, my feet ache from all this walking.” Elamon complained.

The barbarian laughs as she carries on walking. “Sounds like a you problem Mr. Magic Man. Can’t just magic yourself up some sort of horse?”

Elamon snorts derisively. “I would  _ never _ stoop so low as to learn a spell such as Spectral Steed. Besides, the peasantry does not need more reasons to fear those of the higher arts.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so fucking pompous all the time, they wouldn’t hate you so much.”

Elamon splutters as he races to catch up. “I am most  _ certainly _ not pompous! You should hear the lectures some of the processors at the university deliver. The dullest oratory imaginable!”

“So, you’re less pompous than the guys with the extra big pointy hats. Still means you’re pompous.”

“Ugh, as if I could  _ begin _ to describe how I am nothing like those arrogant fools!”

The elf’s laughter is more of a bark. “Anyone who says shit like ‘arrogant fools’ is pompous as fuck.”

For once, the wizard has no retort and they carry on, Calamastia whistling a jaunty tune completely off key in a way she knows will annoy Elamon. He grumbles darky under his breath as the dirt road transitions to cobbled streets and they finally enter the town proper.

It is the standard affair of timbers and brick buildings, with thatched roofs and people hustling to and fro. The streets awash with merrymaking as buskers ply their trades and advertise the coming festivities for the evening.

Locating a tavern doesn’t take long, but finding one with spare beds proves to be a much harder task.

“Wadda ya mean we gotta share a room?”

The innkeeper rolls his eyes as he cleans a mug. “I’ve gots but a single room fer four o’ ya.”

Elamon splutters. “But sir! Me sharing a room with a  _ woman _ would be most improper!”

“Fine, a single room fer three o’ ya.”

Calamastia perks up. “Three?”

The barman nods as he set the mug down. “There’s th’ lady, said she’d sing fer it. An’ there’s a short one. Reckon she’s a halfling.”

Elamon huffs. “And you’re  _ certain _ there’s no accommodations for me?

“Nothin’  _ proper _ .”

The wizard sighs. “Fine. I shall have to bear the burden.”

Calamastia snickers. “You’ve been fine sleeping outside for weeks now.”

“Yes, well that’s  _ different _ .”

“Yeah, yeah, you stupid ‘civilized’ people and your ‘rules’.”

A hush descends over the tavern until a single voice rings out, pure, true and beautiful.

[ “ _ Of all the trees that grow so fair, old England to adorn, _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Greater are none beneath the sun than Oak, and Ash, and Thorn. _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Sing Oak, and Ash, and Thorn, good sirs, _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ All on a midsummer's morn. _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Surely we'll sing of no little thing _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ In Oak, and Ash, and Thorn. _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Yew that is old, in churchyard mould, he breedeth a mighty bow _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Alder for shoes do wise men choose, and Beech for cups also _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ But when you have killed, and your bowl it is filled, and your shoes are clean outworn _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Back you must speed for all that you need to Oak, and Ash, and Thorn _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Sing Oak, and Ash, and Thorn, good sirs _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ All on a midsummer's morn _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

[ _ Surely we'll sing of no little thing" _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBETMTwpud0)

_____

Steph is the first to speak. “Holy  _ SHIT _ Kate. Keep singing like that and you won’t have to roll for a damn thing.”

Max nods, her jaw hanging open. “Whoa, that was incredible. I knew you were good on the violin but…”

Kate’s face is pure crimson as she rubs the back of her neck. “You’re really too kind. I’ve just had a lot of choir practice.”

Chloe shakes her head. “No way girl, you  _ killed it _ . We’ll have to get Max to practice her guitar and you two will bring the house down. Where did you even learn that?”

“My dad took me to a folk and shanties festival in Ocean City and I just fell in love with the music.”

Chloe perks up at the mention of shanties. “That’s so awesome! You’ll have to teach us how to sing shanties!”

Kate giggles and Steph clears her throat. “Alright, back to it.”

_____

The tavern erupts in applause and the half-elf on stage does a curtsey before leaving the stage.

Calamastia leans over the bar. “What’s her name?”

The man shrugs. “’eard her name was Enna.”

She grins and nods. “Enna, huh? Guess we’ll have to see if she wants to travel with us, right Elamon?”

The wizard strokes his chin, nodding thoughtfully. “Indeed. A companion such as her could make such long treks less dreadful. Come, we must deposit our things in the room.”

Calamastia rolls her eyes but follows him upstairs and into their room. On one of the beds, there sits a halfling, decked out in pirate regalia.

_____

“WAIT, YOU CAN BE A PIRATE?!”

Max laughs and hands Chloe her character sheet. “Yeah! It’s one of the backgrounds.”

Chloe glares at the webcam. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Steph shrugs. “We made your character last edition, remember?”

Chloe frowns then reads over Max’s character sheet. Her heart does a somersault when she reads Max’s bond: ‘I'm loyal to my captain first, everything else second.’  _ Dammit Max, you’re gonna make me cry here. _

She hands the sheet back to Max and does her best not to let her feelings show.

_____

The halfling springs to her feet. “Ahoy there. Nora Lightfoot, at yer service.”

“I am Elamon, wizard to King Tiberius. This is Calamastia…”

Calamastia barks out a laugh. “I keep assholes from breaking his skinny bones.”

Nora’s head cocks to the side as she stands atop the footboard of her bed. “A  _ king _ , eh? If yer so tight wit’ ‘im, what’re ye here fer?”

Elamon flushs slightly. “I was dispatched on a quest by his majesty, to silence a cabal most foul.”

The pirate laughs. “Sounds like he wanted to be rid o’ you.”

“Nora! That’s no way to treat new people!”

Elamon and Calamastia spin around to see the bard from earlier standing in the doorway. Nora groans. “But Enna, they wer’ askin’ fer it!”

Enna rolls her eyes, her arms crossing. “And you can drop the silly accent.”

Nora sags. “Fine, but I  _ really  _ used to talk like that!”

Enna smirks and turns to the other two. “Sorry about that. Wild Magic goes to her head sometimes.”

Nora splutters and throws a pillow at Enna, which Calamastia effortlessly catches. Elamon steps forwards and repeats his introductions, with a bow.

Enna curtsies before fully entering the room and closing the door. “Working for the king? You’ll have to tell me all about your adventures, I’m sure they’d make for great ballads!”

Calamastia perks up. “You’d sing about us?”

“Oh most definitely! It is the duty of a bard to tell the stories of the people.”

The elf slaps Elamon’s back. “Now we’re definitely going to have to bring her along.”

“Hey, don’t forget me! I’m Enna’s protection!” Nora protested.

“Or am I yours little one?”

The way Nora pouts gets everyone laughing.

Then the town bells start to toll and the party races down into the streets to see what the commotion is about. A villager answers their shouted queries.

“GNOLLS! THERE’S A HUGE BAND OF GNOLLS!”

_____

“Gnolls? Seriously dude?”

Steph rolls her eyes. “Yeah Chloe, neither of them have done combat before, so Gnolls.”

Kate pipes up. “What’s a Gnoll?”

Mikey shrugs. “They’re sort of like a human hyena hybrid, they’re a pretty low level enemy.”

“Exactly why I’m using them for a combat tutorial.”

_____

The party rushes towards the sounds of battle and finds a small contingent of guards locked in a furious clash with a much larger group of gnolls. Nora is quickest on the draw and immediately her magic flares up from inside her. Elamon’s eyes widen in panic as he tries to shout a warning, but it is too late.

Nora unleashes a fireball, lobbing it so that it lands near the center of the pack and the roar of the conflagration rocks the town. Most of the gnolls disappear in the explosion, while others catch fire and panic. The human guards are dazed, but unharmed as pandemonium breaks out. Flaming gnolls run to and fro screaming, one runs into a house, which quickly lights up.

“Have you no sense of control?” Shouts Elamon, clearly enraged, “Spells of that nature should never be used in a town!”

_____

Max winces. “Crap, sorry.”

Steph laughs and waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it, this happens a lot with new casters. Just remember to make sure that your casting area is clear of things you don’t want to hurt.”

_____

Nora shrugs. “There’s a lot less of them now.”

Calamastia bellows as she surges forwards, quickly crossing the distance to join the guards in mopping up what is left of the gnolls, her mighty axe sweeping left and right.

Elamon rolls his eyes and sets to fighting the blaze with  _ ray of frost _ , chilling a few hotspots of the fire before it can start truly spreading out of control. Meanwhile, Enna draws her rapier and joins Calamastia at the front, skewering a few of the creatures before they can hurt her new friend.

In short order, what few gnolls that had remained to fight have been put to the blade, and the guards turn to fighting the accidental fire, with some local citizenry forming a bucket chain. Enna helps where she could with a few casts of cure wounds on injured guards. Once the blaze is put out, Elamon approaches a guard.

“Good sir, do you know where these dreadful creatures came from?”

The guard nods. “Aye, I do. They’ve got an encampment over thataways about two day’s trek. But they normally stay well away from the town.”

Elamon strokes his chin and nods. “Thank you kind sir, my companions and I shall investigate this.”

The guard shrugs and mutters something about ‘better you than me’ as Elamon walks back towards Calamastia. “I have the most excellent news! These gnolls came from an encampment two days journey to the North West.”

Calamastia’s grin is big and cocky. “And you want to go smash their heads in. I gotcha.”

“Count me in, I kinda owe it to these people after setting things on fire.” Adds Nora.

Enna’s airy voice speaks next. “And I shall accompany you three to ensure that songs are sung of it.”

The wizard puffs up his narrow chest. “Then let us be off, for the glory of King Tiberius!”

_____

Steph claps her hands “Aaaaand scene. Great session everyone!”

Chloe shoots Max a wink, which earns her a slight blush from her friend. Kate fidgets with her sheet. “Sorry about taking so long with everything.”

Chloe shrugs. “Don’t sweat it, if I can learn how to do this then you shouldn’t have any problems.”

Kate smiles before everyone shouts a goodbye to Steph and the call goes dead. Kate offers Max her laptop back, which Max stuffs into her messenger bag. “I’ll catch up with you two, okay?”

Kate nods. “Okay, just don’t miss the bus.”

“I won’t be that long Kate.”

Chloe immediately sees that Kate doesn’t quite believe Max, but she doesn’t press the issue and instead follows Mikey out the door. The minute the two are alone, their hands find one another again and Chloe’s heart is immediately in her mouth as silence creeps in for a few moments.

Max finally breaks it. “So, how did your talk with the lawyer go?”

Chloe shakes her head. “Sorry Max, I can’t talk about it.”

Max freezes, an apologetic look on her face. “Right, sorry.”

“’s fine Max. How’s being back in class?”

“It’s… weird. Everyone thinks we’re a thing now and just won’t believe me when I tell them that we’re not.”

Chloe laughs, and pushes down the lances of pain. “Fuck, they just won’t shut up, will they?”

Max shakes her head. “You should have heard what they were saying when we started hanging out again.”

“What, that I was just a project to make that fucking teacher like you more?”

Max froze up before nodding. “Yeah, I guess you heard that one.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I’ll really believe Victoria’s changed when I see it.”

“Well, she didn’t hassle me at all since… yeah. So maybe she is actually trying.”

Chloe snorts. “Or maybe she finally sobered up and realized what she was doing. Either way, I just hope she doesn’t hurt Kate.”

Max shakes her head and picks her bag off the ground. “I don’t think Victoria would have done anything to  _ really _ hurt her, even before everything happened.”

“Maybe, maybe not, hard to know what didn’t happen.”

Max nodded thoughtfully and stood up without releasing Chloe’s hand. “As much as I want to say, I’ve got so much homework to catch up on it’s killing me.”

Chloe gives her wink. “Try having years worth of catching up to do and we’ll talk.”

Max giggles before finally releasing her hand. “I’ll stop by after class tomorrow and we’ll both work on it.”

“Sounds like a plan, Caulfield.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look, this fic isn't dead! Sorry this took so long, between my concussion and being dumb enough to actually make character sheets and rolls this out for this and any future D&D chapters definitely made it take way longer than it had to. I hope it was worth the wait! Let me know if you liked this and want to see more chapters like this in the future in the comments.


	19. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time flies.

Days start to bleed together pretty quickly once you’ve got a routine going. Max has classes, so Chloe spends most of the day on her laptop alternating between working on stuff for her GED and watching shows. She lost so much pop culture time and she has so much to catch up on. She’s mostly limited to Netflix, and the hospital wifi is kinda crappy, but it does the job. Max had insisted she watch Bob’s Burgers, but she also found herself watching Breaking Bad. Both were too relatable. Eventually she ran out of episodes for each and can’t find anything else interesting, so she breaks out her rusty old computer skills (texting Warren to torrent stuff for her) and starts binging Avatar: The Last Airbender.

She was never going to admit how much that show made her cry (especially once she got back on hormones), but then Max just  _ had _ to be there for Leaves on the Vine.

Max visits her daily, dragging her mountain of homework with her. So, they sit there in comfortable silence while they work on homework, then start loudly complaining about their homework. Usually they get most of it done before Max is back beside her and holding her hand while they watch old movies.

She keeps telling herself she’ll tell Max tomorrow, make things real for them, even if it means being out on the street or being left behind again.

Any day.

Seriously.

Except tomorrow becomes next week, and then two weeks have flown past and she’s starting physical therapy.

_ Holy shit, I think this is worse than getting shot. _

She grips the bars, her whole body trembling as she takes agonizing step after agonizing step. Even with medication, the pain flaring from her gut has her sweating like a pig before the halfway point.

Max walks on one side of the bars, the nurse on the other, their hands on her arms in case she collapses.

“Come on, Chloe, you got this. You’re nearly there.”

She bites back the urge to cry bullshit, and instead focuses on Max’s gentle encouragements, on her reassuring touch. It doesn’t do much for the pain, but it does keep her from fixating on just how far she has to go until the end. But she does make it there eventually and then collapses into her wheelchair with a sigh of relief.

The nurse pats her forehead with a towel before walking off to her station and Max sits down in a chair next to her, her dorky smile turned up to 11. “That was seriously awesome.”

“Way to fucking go me, I managed to walk like what, 20 yards?”

Max rolls her eyes and gives her a gentle elbow. “You only managed 15 yesterday.”

Chloe sighs. “This fucking sucks Max. Remind me to never get shot again.”

Max’s laugh is low and reedy like it usually is when Chloe is making her morbid ass jokes. “If I can find a way to turn back time, I’ll let you know.”

Chloe snorts and nods. “Yeah, kill Hitler, save my dad, save Rachel and keep me from getting shot. Sounds like a good time.”

Max snickers and offers Chloe a water bottle, which she drinks greedily from. “Keeping in touch with you along with stopping Jefferson and Nathan sound like they should be on that list.”

“Fuck, can you imagine us if we’d kept in touch?”

“I’m still sorry about that.”

_ Way to go dumbass. _ “Hey, stop apologizing about that. You came back, that’s what matters.”

The nurse walks back over, clipboard tucked under her arm. “Alright Chloe, are you ready to go back to your room?”

“Oh yay, back to my homework. Better get there, on the double.”

Max giggles and stands up from her chair. “I’ll get her back.”

She nods, her usual bedside manner smile cracking wider. “God you two are so cute. Make sure you let the duty nurse know when you make it.”

_ Fuck, how many times do we have to tell her? _

The homework goes by fast, especially once Chloe’s on lower dosage of pain meds. She can only binge watch so much before the boredom really seeps in. A couple times she gets desperate enough to give Joyce a quick call. While they’re still totally awkward, apparently it took her  _ nearly fucking dying _ to start changing things in any meaningful way, better late than never. It also feels like too little, way too fucking late, though.

But hey, she’s not even asking her to talk to David, and Chloe only has to hang up on her for flubbing her name on the first call. Max telling her that she’s proud of her for making the calls at all definitely helps a lot, even if Chloe doesn’t have the heart to tell Max she’ll probably never really want to be in the same room as her mom for very long unless she  _ has _ to.

The time keeps rolling on, the D&D party obliterates the gnoll camp with a barrage of fireballs,and there’s enough left over that Calamastia and Enna still have a decent fight on their hands. They manage to take a leader captive too, then shit gets real when Nora basically magically probes the poor thing’s brain and they find out that the gnolls were only in the area because they were fleeing a much greater threat. So the party took off in search of this greater threat, unsure of what could cause a migration of gnolls on this scale.

In the third week, her lawyer finally makes it out to the Bay for a talk with the cops. She’d told Chloe that there had been a lot of behind the scenes wrangling to make things happen. In particular, that the cops weren’t going to touch Chloe for anything involving her dealing or other petty crimes in exchange for the cops not getting sued over not reporting Chloe’s situation to Child Protective Services. Chloe doesn’t even bother asking why they hadn’t. Small town trans kid goes homeless? Who gives a fuck, especially not the cops who are tight with her step ass.

When the cops eventually show up, she’s unsurprised to see the usual targets of her contempt, officers Berry and Corn of Arcadia’s finest. What does surprise her are the man and woman in suits who follow them through the door, both sporting big FBI badges. Agents Lidia and Rion ask questions about that fucking teacher, Jefferson, but Chloe has fuck all for answers. As to her question of if he might try and target Max again, they can only shrug and say that it would be a huge risk for him, especially since he’s on the run. Beyond that it’s what her lawyer helped her prepare for, how did she know Nathan, how long had they had been selling him those pills for, how long had she known what he was using them for, etc.

She answers them as best she can and they thank her for her time (not like she was going anywhere) and blissfully leave.

“Happy Halloween!” Max shouts along with Kate, Warren, Dana, Mikey and a few other faces she vaguely recognizes from Blackwell.  _ God, Max looks hella fucking cute in that witch costume. _

Chloe grins and waves the group in. “Glad you dorks could make it to my little lair!”

Max had stopped by earlier to deck out her hospital room in all manner of decorations, with the duty nurse’s permission, of course. She couldn’t wear much of a costume given the gown and IV’s, so Max and Dana had decked her out in Frankenstein makeup. Max immediately beelines to her usual chair at Chloe’s bedside as people fill the room and her chest fills with warmth at her bed being surrounded by so many smiling faces, even if she’s only met a few of them once or twice. Even fucking Victoria showed up, although she’s standing in the back talking quietly with Kate and looking vaguely annoyed.

They rattle off the usual compliments she’s been getting about how much better she’s looking now. Which she supposes is true, Max showed her a few before and after shots from when they first met and now, and even though the hospital food is nothing to write home about, the gauntness is gone from her cheeks and she even looks like something approaching healthy. The only real annoyance is that her hair has grown out to the point her dye job was either in need of a redo or just being chopped off.

After the initial pleasantries, comes the candy that Kate smuggled past the nurse in her purse, which Max stashes in the bag Chloe uses to store her school stuff. With the ill gotten gains safely hidden, it’s time for the main entertainment of the night. Victoria grumbles as she digs out her laptop, the one with the biggest screen among them, props it up on a chair and gets The Rocky Horror Picture Show playing.

Max’s eyes sparkle as everyone sings along, even Chloe, and for it’s run time, she can forget herself and belt things out, laugh along and forget everything.

_ Best Halloween ever. _

Chloe stares at the hospital exit as she hears Joyce and Max talking softly behind her. After four weeks, she can’t wait to be out in the cool November air, but she’s stuck in a wheelchair until they can finish the paperwork.

“She should come home, she needs a proper place to rest.”

Max groans as the argument makes its third circuit. Joyce might be using her name and pronouns, but she still doesn’t understand. Maybe she can’t. “How many times do I have to tell you that she doesn’t  _ want  _ to be there?”

“She’s right, I don’t.”

Joyce rounds on her and she immediately regrets sticking her nose into things. “It’s your  _ home _ Chloe! You should be home, with us!”

She rolls her eyes and wheels around to look at her mom. “It stopped being a home when you decided the 3rd amendment didn’t matter.”

Joyce blinks a few times in confusion. “The third…? Do you mean David?”

“Yeah. It stopped being home when you brought that asshole in.”

Joyce’s lips go thin and her nostrils flare. “He is your step-father.”

Max watches Chloe, a desperate look in her eyes that pleads with her to calm down. “No, he’s the guy who tried to ‘man me up’ and then put me on the street instead of letting me just be a teenage girl. I’m not going back if he’s there.”

Joyce’s jaw hardens but before she can retort Max steps forwards. “It’s her choice. I think she’s made it.”

“Fine. I’ll sign the damned paperwork.”

The whole ordeal is done in twenty minutes and Chloe hobbles out into the night air, Max under one arm while she uses her cane with the other. Once they’re at the bus stop, she breathes deeply, savouring the feeling of being in her raggedy ass clothes again, and the blissful night air. Max rubs her back while they wait, constantly asking Chloe if she needs anything.

“I’m fine Max, I’m just glad to be out of that fucking place.”

Max smiles softly up at her. “It’s great to see you up on your feet again.”

“Thanks, I’m not looking forward to all the stairs, but I think I can manage.”

“Don’t worry, Kate has already volunteered to help bring you food and stuff until you’re in better shape.”

Chloe snorts and leans back into the signpost. “Of course she did. I still can’t believe she took up a collection and ran a bake sale to help pay for everything.”

“It’s Kate. I can.”

They both giggle a bit before lapsing into a comfortable silence while they wait for the bus in the glow of the afternoon sun. They  _ had _ been on time, but then Joyce had started making her fuss and so they missed it by a minute.

_ I can’t believe that I miss a wheelchair right now. Fucking shitty bus schedule, shame I don’t have an actual fucking vehicle to go with my license. Then again, Frank probably taught me a lot of fucked up driving habits, so maybe this is safer.  _ Max starts humming one of those indy songs she’s always playing for Chloe while they study, and Chloe hums along as best she can.

The bus is of course ten minutes late and Chloe’s seriously considering taking pain meds when it does arrive. The crappy suspension doesn’t help, and every pothole has her wincing and Max’s hands scrambling into her messenger bag for the meds until Chloe can wave her off.  _ I gotta save them for the stairs. _

Chloe watches the town roll past outside the window, the leaves turned or gone, people walking around in jackets.

_ It’s weird to remember that life went on without me for a while. _

_ Ah who am I kidding, this town always went on without me, I was just kinda here. _

She sighs and turns back to Max, who’s big, earnest eyes are fixed on her. “You okay, Chloe?”

“Yeah, it’s just… weird. Like a good weird maybe? Fuck I dunno.”

Max giggles a little and rests a hand on Chloe’s arm. “Sure you didn’t take a pill before we left? You sound a little high.”

She snorts and shakes her head. “Nah, I’m sober… do you still have that dime bag I sold you?”

“Yeah, we never had a chance for you to show me.”

Chloe can’t help but grin. “Well I guess I know what we’re doing later tonight.”

“W-what? Chloe! We need to be careful.” Max admonishes, although Chloe can see mischief in her eyes.

“Fiiiiine, another day.”

Chloe collapses panting onto Max’s bed, her body drenched with sweat.  _ Holy fuck why are there so many stairs at Blackwell. Do they just hate people who need a wheelchair? Fucking Prescott.  _ From the corner of her eye she can see Max moving towards her. She turns her head to find that she already has a pill in one hand and a water bottle in the other.

“Fuck, thank you.”

She winces as she starts to try and lift herself up from the bed, and Max drops the water bottle to put a hand under her head and helps ease her up.

“Whoa, take it slowly.”

With a grunt she manages to sit up right, before gasping at the pain in her abdomen. “P-pill.”

Max passes her the pill and Chloe doesn’t even wait for the water before jamming it into her mouth. Fortunately, Max uncaps the water bottle in record time holds it to her lips.

A few moments later, the water bottle is empty and she sags against the wall, waiting for the pain to start passing. “T-thanks… I miss that stupid button.”

Max smiles sympathetically and sits down on the bed next to her before gently rubbing her shoulder. “It’s fine. You went a lot farther than you did in physical therapy.”

“Y-yeah. I think I’m pretty done with the whole moving thing for today.”

“That’s fine, I can just sleep on my couch.”

“What? No, dude this is your bed.” Chloe shakes her head and starts trying to get up, only for Max to gently push her back.

“I’ll be fine, are you going to pass out for a bit or?”

She shakes her head again and groans as she feels the pain starting to ebb. “Not yet, I might actually take a shower in a bit, I’m all sweaty and gross.”

“Want me to keep watch or something?”

Chloe sighs. “That would be… kinda weird. You think someone would have an issue with me in the showers? I know Courtney is kinda… shitty about it.”

Max scrunches up her face and hums. “I think that might be it.”

“Fuck it, I’ll wait until later when everyone is asleep.”

“Alright… um…”

Chloe rolls her eyes. “Spit it out Max.”

“Do you want to come to Seattle with me for Thanksgiving?”

A few moments of silence pass as Chloe just stares at Max, mouth open wide as her chest fills with butterflies. Max’s hopeful gaze quickly turns anxious. “I-I mean, if you w-want to. I know you don’t want to do it with Joyce so…”

Chloe finally remembers how talking works. “Uh, fuck yeah? I haven’t had a real Thanksgiving in years! Rach brought me to her place once and they practically threw me out by the end.”

Max’s anxiety turns to a soft smile. “Awesome, I figured I should probably reintroduce you to my parents…”

“Why’s that?”

That freckled face is suddenly a deep red and she starts fidgeting with a draw string on her hoodie. “S-so I can ask them about you, uhm, moving back there with me after I graduate.”

Chloe’s heart feels like it’s about to explode. “A-are you serious?!”

The look on Max’s face is so full of hope and earnestness and it fills her with warmth. “Yes. I’m not going to leave you here. I promise.”

“Max, I-I…”

Chloe closes her eyes to fight the tears she can feel welling up in her, to try and keep  _ some _ measure of composure. A hand starts rubbing her back. “Shhhhh, it’s okay. I know it’s a lot to just drop on you, but I really do mean it.”

_ This doesn’t feel real, holy shit. She’s serious isn’t she? She’s not going to leave me in this shit hole when she graduates.  _ She draws a shaky breath.

“M-Max, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "  
> Those of us who vow never to love again, to love again
> 
> Are making liars out of honest men
> 
> It's not something that you put to bed, hang your head and just forget
> 
> No, love don't know how to rest
> 
> No, love don't know how to rest"
> 
> \-- How to Rest - The Crane Wives
> 
> I'm not usually a fan of time skip chapters, but I was going to go insane if I did this at my usual pace.
> 
> And look, our dorks are finally admitting shit! Hope you enjoyed this and let me now what you think in the comments.
> 
> Big thanks to [LtDax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtDax) and [SupportPaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupportPaladin) for betaing.


	20. Helplessly

“I know.”

Chloe’s jaw drops and she splutters for a moment. “You did  _ not _ just Han Solo me!”

Max’s face goes red and she starts stammering. “I-I just — y-you weren’t subtle, okay?”

She screws her eyes shut and takes a deep breath as she feels her fragile hopes shattering along with her heart. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because… I love you too. A-and I didn’t want you to feel pressured about it because…”

Chloe’s chest swells with warmth again as she relaxes and lets her eyes open. Max is so red in the face, and it’s pretty adorable. “Because you’re feeding me and keeping a roof over my head.”

Max nods mutely and starts chewing on her bottom lip for a few seconds before speaking. “I-I’ve actually been crushing on you for a while. That’s a big reason I didn’t call.”

“What? Why?!”

“Because I’m gay and you were… not you and it was just so, so confusing for me. And then I saw the real you and just… it all fit together. That’s what I meant about you being a girl making sense.”

Chloe shakes her head in disbelief. “Whoa, that’s… hella validating, holy shit.”

A soft giggle comes from Max. “Well I’m glad it makes you happy, I wished you’d told me before… everything. It would have saved me a few years of thinking I also liked guys when I  _ really  _ didn’t.”

“Shit, sorry.”

Max shrugs and she shifts closer to Chloe on the bed. “It’s fine, nothing  _ really  _ bad happened besides a few dates with creeps that went nowhere.”

“So you’ve never?”

“I…” Max starts, her face getting very red again. “I made it to second base with a girl called Kim in junior year…”

“Nice! Max with the moves!”

“Ugh, it was a disaster. She wanted more and I was just a huge mess and blew it.”

Now it’s Chloe’s turn to giggle as she reaches up to tousle Max’s hair. “Still got your v-card, huh?”

Max love taps her shoulder as she splutters. “Not important!”

Chloe’s giggling turns into laughter. she’s not sure if it’s the pain meds or if Max being all flustered is just that funny.  _ Probably a bit of both _ “It’s cool Max, it’s cool. That’s not something you wanna rush.”

“Bad experience?”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll tell you about that bullshit some day.”

Max winces and gently brushes her hand against Chloe’s cheek, and the contact makes her whole face tingle. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“‘S fine,” Chloe sighs, leaning a little bit towards Max. “Hardly the worst of what happened.”

“I’m sorry for all of that, I should have been there.”

“You’ve hella made up for it, seriously, don’t worry about it.”

“What if…” Max shifts closer to Chloe still, her hand brushing against her cheek again and lingering for a few moments. “I want to make up for it some more.”

Chloe turns and opens her mouth to start asking questions, only for Max’s lips to meet her own and everything melts away. It starts soft and tender, Max giving her every opportunity to pull away.

She doesn’t, her eyes slide closed and her own hand comes up to cup Max’s cheek as she holds there, letting lips linger. She doesn’t really know who pushes it past a kiss and into making out, but it doesn’t matter. It’s like there’s a fundamental force pulling them together. She can hear Max moaning softly into the kiss as they go at it, their bodies starting to press together.

Finally they pull apart and open their eyes, Max’s chest heaving, her eyes half lidded and full of a passion, a look which dumps gasoline onto the warmth in Chloe’s chest before tossing in a match.

Moments later Max is straddling Chloe and their lips are locked together again. Chloe’s hands find their place on Max’s waist while her hands make fists in her partially dyed hair. Someone starts getting the tongue going and before long they’re both going for broke, over a month of pent up tension and energy breaking free in a rush of need.

Any sense of time is lost as Chloe loses herself in all the feelings she’d been denying herself since that delivery. She wants Max, and she wants her now. Who cares about what Wells wants? All that matters is this. She can end up back on the street for all she cares, as long as she has Max. Max who isn’t going to abandon her, but  _ is _ actually going to get her out of this shit-pit.

They part again and Max’s chest is heaving as she pants for breath. At first Chloe thinks it’s so they can catch their breath, but then Max grabs at the hem of her own shirt and starts pulling it off. Chloe can only watch, her breath hitching as Max tosses it aside and stares down at her. She catches the nervousness in Max’s eyes as she fidgets, whatever bravado compelling her to ditch her shirt apparently waning.

_ Shit, she’s probably worried I don’t like how she looks. _ Chloe swallows as she lets her eyes roam free over her probably former best friend.  _ Damn, I still can’t get over how her freckles just go everywhere, it’s so fucking cute. Fuck, everything about her is cute. _ She tentatively reaches her hands up to rub over Max’s bare sides.

“You’re fucking gorgeous Max, holy crap. Can I… touch you?”

Max bites her lower lip, her flushed face going redder at the compliment. “Y-yeah. I want you to, s-so bad…”

With permission given, Chloe’s hands gently land on her now bare waist.  _ Damn her skin is stupid soft. _ With a deliberate slowness her hands explore, just gently feeling over bare flesh. She giggles with satisfaction at how Max shivers when her hands pass over her stomach.

Max whimpers softly, in for another kisand Chloe obliges, her hands moving around to her back as their lips lock again. There’s this hunger to Max’s kissing that dumps more gas on the roaring fire in her chest and gut.

_ Shit, does she want her v-card punched? _

_ I don’t think I’m up to that right now. Shit, I’ll just keep it above the belt then. _

Chloe’s hands make it to Max’s bra and then Max pulls back a hair to whisper to her in a pleading tone. “Please.”

_ Shit, not arguing with that. _

Her hands deftly undo the clasp and Max pulls back, the war between her need and her anxiety written plain on her face. Chloe reaches a hand up to brush her cheek. “Hey, it’s okay. I love you.”

Max chews on her bottom lip for a few moments in a way that’s entirely too cute before she shrugs off the garment.

“Whoa,” Chloe breathes as she takes in the view.

Max fidgets, her eyes darting around and her face red as can be. “Y-you like them?”

_ Same old Max. _ “I love them, jesus fuck. You leave for five years and come back hella fucking cute on me.”

To punctuate her point, she leans forwards as much as her wound will let her, and Max takes the hint to get close enough so that her mouth can take the place of her hands. With a few strategic kisses and nibbles she’s complete putty in Chloe’s arms, her breath coming with soft groans and gentle whimpers.

“M-more…”

Chloe smirks as she really gets her mouth in on the action, taking a nipple gently between teeth and sucking for all she’s worth. One of Max’s hands flies up to her mouth to stifle a moan.  _ Damn, I wish we could get loud, I wanna hear her for real. _

For long, glorious minutes she keeps up her assault until Max really starts squirming in her lap.

_ Shit, I should stop before this gets really awkward. _

As she pulls back, there’s a soft whimper from Max. “I-is everything okay?”

Chloe smiles softly up at her as she reaches up a hand to stroke her cheek. “Yeah, you’re amazing. I just don’t… don’t want to go too far, okay?”

Max nods slowly, her need still obvious on her face, but it’s quickly giving way to worry. “I-is it because of…”

_ Yeah, this conversation was gonna happen eventually. _ “Sorta. I don’t have  _ that bad _ bottom dysphoria, but it’s there. I can usually push past it for sex though.”

  
  


“Oh… I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable…”

Chloe chuckles softly and gives Max’s nose a little boop with her thumb. “I’ll tell you if I am, okay? It’s more my, you know…”

Max’s flushed face quickly goes white. “A-are you hurting? Shit, I-”

Another boop cuts Max off. “No, but I don’t want to stress myself, you know?”

Max sags and starts chewing on her bottom lip again. “Sorry… I got carried away…”

“I was right there with you. Fuck, this is…”

“A dream come true?”

“You took the damn words right out of my mouth. Hella yes it’s a dream come true.” Chloe says with a soft giggle.

Max leans in and the two share a long, luxurious kiss. After Max pulls back she pouts a bit. “No fair, you got my shirt off.”

“ _ You _ took it off, dork.” The teasing gets Max to start blushing again, and Chloe could never resist flustering Max. “But if you insist…”

That really gets Max red in the face as Chloe shifts enough to accodomate getting her tank top up and off, only for Max’s face to go all white again.  _ Shit, fucking scar. _

Max holds up trembling hands and parks them near her wound. “I-I had no idea it was so bad…”

“Apparently the back side is a lot worse. I got really fucky lucky.”

“W-we can stop.”

Chloe shrugs, the playful energy sucked down the drain. “I mean, I’ve still got basically got 14 year old girl tits anyways. I really need to swap to fucking shots or something.”

Max opens her mouth for a moment before thinking better about whatever question she has and nodding. “We’ll find a way. I’m going to put my shirt back on, it’s getting cold.”

“Be my guest. I need to go take a shower.”

Max tosses her bra at her laundry hamper and starts putting her shirt back on. “Do you want me to keep watch?”

“Meh, I’ll be fine. If Courtney makes a scene or whatever I’ll smack her with my cane.” Chloe jokes, earning a soft giggle from Max as she offers Chloe her tank top back.

“Chloe, carrying around a metal stick everywhere, what could go wrong?”

She rolls her eyes as she starts gingerly putting her top back on. “Smartass.”

Max offers her a hand, which Chloe accepts to haul herself out of bed and she staggers over to her cane. “Sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“Yeah, if there’s trouble I’ll hit my life alert or something.” Chloe teases with a shit eating grin. Max just rolls her eyes.

“Jerk.”

“Dork.”

“Go shower before I change my mind about making out with you again.”

Chloe snickers as she grabs her cane. “Oh, so that’ll happen again, huh?”

“Ugh, you are impossible!”

“You walked right into that one, Caulfield.”

“Gooooooo!”

With a cackle she grabs her shower supplies from where they’re cluttering Max’s dresser and bails out into the hallway.  _ Damn, it’s quiet. Everyone must be studying or partying. Guess I’m in for a no hassles shower, fucking sweeeeet. _

She just about makes it to the bathroom too, when the door to the stairwell opens and Victoria comes out, shortly followed by Kate, the two are laughing about something.  _ Damn, they’re getting along pretty quickly. _

Kate notices her first. “Oh, Chloe! You’re out of the hospital already?”

“Naaaaah, Max busted me out.” She jokes before shooting her a wink.

Victoria starts to roll her eyes before pausing and sighing. “Welcome back.”

“Uh, thanks Vic.”

Kate quickly closes the distance between her and Chloe, “Do I get a hug?”

“I kinda reek but sure.”

“Yay!” Kate quickly wraps her in a gingerly hug and Chloe catches a glint of something in Victoria’s eyes.  _ Shit, is she jealous? _

“As much as I’d love to catch up, I seriously need a shower.”

“Do you want me to check if everything is empty?” Victoria offers, and turns, and whatever expression she gives the former snow queen, makes her cheeks a little rosy.

“Sure, I’d rather not… have issues.”

“We’ve tried talking to Courtney but…” Kate offers, her attention returning to Chloe. “She’s been…”

“Court is being an asshole.” Victoria interjects. “I don’t know what the hell her problem is. She’s always going on about feminism too, it’s fucking bizarre.”

Chloe sighs, sagging against her cane a bit. “Fucking figures. Go look up TERFs later, they’re a bunch of shitbags.”

“O-oh…” Kate says, looking a little deflated.

_ Shit, salvage the mood you idiot. _ “What were you two laughing about anyways?”

Victoria grins a little and Kate instantly brightens up. “Oh, Victoria was just talking about how hard it is to get the puppies to sit still after she poses them.”

“Ugh, give me the adult dogs any day! They can at least sit when told.”

Chloe sniggers, memories of what a handful little Pompidou had been coming back. “Yeah, they’re little troublemakers alright. I guess this is for the SPCA?”

“Yes! Victoria has been taking pictures of the animals to help get them adopted. It’s been going really well!”

“The cats love me,” Victoria says with a smirk. “All poise and grace. The dogs though…”

Chloe laughs a bit before motioning her head to the bathroom. “Vic?”

“Ugh, don’t call me Vic. Fine, I’ll go check.”

The moment Victoria is through the door, Chloe turns to Kate. “When did she get all nice?”

Kate giggles and it immediately sets off Chloe’s gaydar. “It took a couple weeks, but she’s actually really sweet when she lets herself be.”

_ Damn, Kate crushing on the blow queen? What is this world coming to? _ “Lets herself be?”

“She’s… rather insecure about things,” Kate sighs. “It’s a shame, she’s really very talented at photography, but…”

“But Max makes her feel like she isn’t good enough?”

“Y-yes! How did you know?”

Chloe just grins. “Call it a hunch, and knowing how hella good Max is.”

Victoria’s pops back out of the bathroom. “All clear, I’ll go check on Court and make sure she doesn’t do something stupid.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it. I just don’t want to deal with Court’s bullshit right now if she like, walks in on you or something.” Victoria says with a shrug as she starts striding down the hall to Courtney’s room. “Adieu et à demain, Katie.”

Kate gives her a wave as she lets herself into Courtney’s room and Chloe can’t help raising an eyebrow. “Katie?”

“S-she started calling me that last week.” Kate admits with a faint blush.

_ Oh god, are these two…? _ “And you like it?”

“Yeah, it’s really sweet of her.”

“Heh, guess I’ll have to get on the nickname business then. Sound good cup-Kate?”

“H-hey!” She stammers, her face going red. “Go take your shower!”

Chloe tries to keep her cackling down as she waves goodbye to Kate and makes her way into the bathroom.

  
  


She stretches after getting into clothes for the evening, savouring the feeling of being clean and not wearing a hospital gown.  _ Oh I am going to crash so hard on Max’s couch tonight, it’s not even funny. _

She pokes her head back out into the hallway, and things are still quiet.  _ Small mercy I guess. _

She moves as quietly as she can past Courtney’s room with her cane, her eyes fixed on Max’s room and the promise of something to lay in that isn’t a hospital bed.  _ And maybe some more making out like that, holy shit. I didn’t think she had that in her. Guess I was fucking wrong. _

She opens the door and feels her cheeks start burning at the spectacle unfolding, or rather finishing, on the bed. Max’s pants are pushed down her thighs, her back arching as her hips buck and her legs shake, one hand clamping her mouth shut and the other busy between her legs.

As she starts to recover her faculties enough to close the door, Max’s eyes lock with hers. TIme freezes for a moment, Max’s face frozen in an ‘o’ face before she yelps and rolls out of her bed, falling flat on the floor. Chloe shuts the door to give the woman at least  _ some _ dignity.

On the other side she hears some thumps and swearing, only for the door to open again and Max to haul her inside by the arm before shutting it again.

Before she can say anything, Max is pushing her back into the door and getting up on her tiptoes to press a kiss home, not that Chloe is complaining. The kiss holds for a few moments before Max pulls back, her face flushed with afterglow.

Chloe watches Max, too stunned to speak as her… whatever Max is now, fidgets before tugging her towards the bed. She follows, and quickly ends up in her former sitting position before Max cuddles up to her. “D-damn Caulfield.”

Max’s giggle is light and breathy as she rubs a finger over Chloe’s collar bone. “Whaaaaat? I just… needed to take care of that.”

“Was that all my doing?” Chloe teases as she brushes the back of her hand over Max’s hair.

“Mhmmm, now don’t move, I need to run to the bathroom to clean up.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Her eyes follow Max as she quickly bolts from the room.  _ Damn, when did her butt get so cute? Fuck. Talk about a fucking rollercoaster of a day. _

_ Shit, I’m going to have to have the what-are-we-now talk with Max. It’s pretty fucking safe to say that we’re dating, even if it’s our little fucked up secret. I can’t believe she’s actually going to get me out of here. I thought for sure I was going to die here before I hit twenty. _

_ Fuck I could use a toke, but that’s probably too much too fast for Max. _

She drums her fingers on the bed, humming tunelessly to herself as the seconds crawl by.

_ I wonder how Frank is, haven’t heard a fucking peep from him. Shit, I’m going to need to get Max to go refill my hormones at the pharmacy, not that she’ll mind. _

The door finally opens and a still very red in the face Max comes back through. She makes a little display of actually locking the door. “Welcome back.”

Max grins as she crosses the small room to crawl onto the bed next to Chloe, resuming her position at her side. Her voice is a near purr as she speaks. “Glad to be back, I  _ really _ needed that.”

_ Wow, she looks more relaxed than she has since we met up again. _ Chloe wraps an arm around Max’s shoulders and gently tugs her closer. “I think you wanted a lot more.”

Those beautiful blue eyes gaze up at her and she does that adorable lip chewing thing. “I-I mean… yeah. But not before you’re… you know.”

“Thanks,” she says, letting her fingers get a little tangled in that messy brown mop. “For everything. Seriously.”

Max plants a gently kiss on Chloe’s collar bone and nuzzles into her chest. “You deserve it, I meant it when I said that you’re my hero.”

“What are we now, Max?”

“I-I mean, I’d like to be girlfriends but,” Max starts, her voice returning to it’s usual anxious timbre, “I don’t want to push you…”

“Girlfriends sounds pretty good to me. Sucks that we have to hide it though.”

Max grumbles and nods, “Ugh, I know. But it’s just for a few months, and there’s no way my parents will turn you away if we’re dating.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

“We’ll find a way, we’re pirates after all,” Max teases with a soft giggle, her hand gently taking the hand Chloe doesn’t have in her hair and lacing fingers with it.

“Damn right, nobody stops Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The river always finds the sea  
> So helplessly  
> Like you find me
> 
> We are paper boats floating on a stream  
> And it would seem  
> We'll never be apart
> 
> I will always find you  
> Like it's written in the stars  
> You can run, but you can't hide  
> Try"
> 
> \-- Paper Boats - Darren Korb
> 
> Well that got smutty. Good thing this already has an explicit rating. I hope you all enjoyed it, and shoutouts to [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip), [LtDax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtDax) and [ChasingVulpixels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingVulpixels/pseuds/ChasingVulpixels) for betaing.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	21. Even Though

The couch goes unused that night, and it’s the best sleep Chloe has had in a long time. Having the one and only Max Caulfield pressing herself into one’s side does miracles for a good night’s sleep.

Chloe basks in the stillness of the early morning, the beeping of monitors replaced by the chattering of song birds, the constant low murmur of the hospital replaced by Max’s steady breathing.

_ I could get used to this. _

A gentle sigh escapes her lip as she gently runs a hand over Max’s back.

_ Max is my girlfriend. _

She pauses, rolling thought over in her mind again.  _ Holy shit. Max is my girlfriend. This doesn’t feel real, did I just dream yesterday? Holy fuck yesterday actually happened. _

_ Now I just need to not fuck things up I guess. _

_ No pressure. _

A soft groan from Max jolts her from her mounting anxiety, the smaller woman shifting slightly before resettling into her slow, steady breathing.

The feeling in her chest is so weird and strange, a soft tingle of something. Labels fail her, but it feels… nice. There’s no pressure here, no worries or concerns. Just Max and Chloe. Two pieces of a puzzle fitting neatly together.

_ If I’d been born differently, would this have been easier? _

_ Fuck, way to go me, ruining my own mood. _

She plants a gentle kiss on Max’s forehead to distract herself. Max’s face scrunches up for a moment before she murmurs something softly and nuzzles in closer.  _ Fucking illegally cute. Goddamn Caulfield. _

Her head falls back into the pillow as she lets herself drift along through the lazy morning, just savouring the coziness. Normally by this time of day, she would have been at the park already, brushing her teeth before rushing off to the library.

_ Ah fuck, I’m going to have late fees on that book, aren’t I? I wonder if they’ll make an exemption for me getting shot? I’ll have to ask Max to take it back for me, I should still have some of my take to pay the fee. Fuck it’s nice to be able to relax instead of rushing around in the morning. _

Her alarm kills the moment and she winces.  _ Right, I need to do my fucking pills. _ Max groans and stirs, rubbing at her eyes as she lifts herself up. “Mmnnhhh, what time is it?”

“Like, 7am dude, sorry about that.” Chloe apologizes as she reaches for her phone and kills her alarm. “I enabled all my old alarms when they were going to discharge me so I could start taking my pills on my own again.”

Max grumbles and rolls off Chloe. “‘S fine,” she says with a yawn.

“I just gotta get my doses ready and take my pills.”

Max responds with another yawn and a mumble as she mashes her face into the pillow. Chloe can’t help but grin at the display before taking a deep breath as she sits up. The jolt of pain makes her grimace, even if it’s nowhere near as bad as it was a couple weeks ago.  _ So not looking forward to more physical therapy. _

Before she could stir, she felt Max’s hand on her back, gently rubbing as she spoke in a scratchy, sleepy voice. “I’ll get your bag, you just rest.”

“Uh, thanks dude, you seriously don’t have to.”

“I’m not going to just sit around while you’re in pain.” Max slips past her and walks over to her closet. Chloe doesn’t bother to keep her eyes from wandering, just enjoying watching Max in the early morning light. Her hair being an absolute mess of bed head was extra cute, among Max’s other qualities.

A yawn overtakes Chloe for a moment, but when it clears Max is hauling her backpack out of the closet. “Where are your meds?”

“They’re in the bottom, just pass it over and I’ll fish them out.”

It feels good to have the heavy canvas back in her hands again, even if she isn’t living out of it anymore, that backpack had been her home.

_ Guess I was a human hermit crab, huh? Maybe when I can have an actual home to live in I should get some as pets or something. _

She reaches into the depths of the main pouch, pulling out the bottles for her blockers, estradiol and vitamins, along with the little case she uses to track all of it. Portioning out her meds for the week is just a matter of automatic habit. Her meds have been the one constant in her life since she’d ended up on the streets, the one routine she always had to fall back on, and thank fuck for that.

“That’s a... lot.” Max says softly as she sits down next to Chloe on the bed.

“Yeah, well. I need to take these to keep my T fucking gone, these are my titty skittles and these make sure my bones don’t fall apart later.”

“Titty skittles?” Max teases with a soft giggle, “I love it.”

“I, uh… love you.” The words still feel alien on her lips, like she’s uttering something forbidden. The heated passion of the moment from yesterday is gone, all the thoughts of invincibility born from the passion of their love a mere memory.  _ I mean, if we get found out my ass is totally grass… _

“I love you too!” Max replies in a sing-song tone, so warm and sweet that Chloe’s heart swells. The gentle forehead kiss she follows it up with only adds to the warm fuzzies in her chest.

There’s gentle snaps as she seals the pills into their compartments minus the ones she needs for this morning. “As much as I hella want to make out with you right now, I need some water.”

“Oh! Sure thing.” Max gets up and grabs a bigger water bottle next to the plant in her dorm and passes it over to her.

In a quick motion she jams the couple of pills into her mouth and takes a quick swig out of the water bottle. “Thanks dude, now, where were we?”

“I think you said something about making out.” Max grins, her voice low and teasing.

“I’m pretty sure I did.”

Another alarm jolts their lips apart and Max shuffles off of Chloe, humming to herself as some light alt-rock starts drifting from her clock radio. All Chloe can do is watch as she catches her breath, her whole body warm beyond belief as she watches Max start getting ready for the day.

_ Definitely a fan of the messy bed hair. I wonder what she’ll look like with after sex hair? Probably mega fucking adorable… if I can get that far. Fuck I dunno. It’s Max, she’s gay. Is she going to get weirded out by… that? _

She shivers at the wave of grossness that comes from whenever she has to think about those parts of her body.

“Do you want anything from the cafeteria? I can grab you food and bring it back up, I already talked to Wells about it.”

“Hey, if it means not having to do the stairs until later, I’m fucking game. Grab me some eggs and bacon or something.”

With a grin Max nods. “So the usual for you then, gotcha.”

For a brief moment, Chloe’s mind flashes back to the days before everything went to shit, when they were just two best friends hanging out in the diner, having fun.  _ I wonder if we’ll ever be able to be like that again? Do I even want to be like that around Joyce again? _

She gets snapped out of her memories by Max wiggling that bony little ass of hers into a pair of jeans.  _ Fuck, way too cute.  _ “I’ll be back quickly, okay?”

“Cool Maxironi, I’m going to get dressed and go visit Kate.”

Max quickly crosses the room to give her a brief kiss. “Sounds good, be back in a flash.”

_ This is… actually real. _ Chloe thinks to herself as she watches Max shut the door behind her.  _ I’m like, actually, for real, dating Max. I can practically hear Rachel laughing at how long that took. I wonder if… nah, I was doped up, there’s no way. _

_ Fuck, better get up and get dressed then. _

Chloe scoots over the bed to Max’s bedside and takes a preemptive pain med, waits a little bit for it to start kicking in. As she feels the slight numbness creeping in she hauls herself to her feet, gritting her teeth against the flash of pain. After a moment of just standing there breathing, she walks over to Max’s closet. All her clothes are laid out on the top shelves so she doesn’t need to bend to reach anything.  _ Fuck, Max is so sweet, I seriously don’t deserve to be breathing her air, never mind making the fuck out with her. _

Getting her bra and top on aren’t hard, but then she’s left staring at her underwear and pants.  _ Ah fuck. I can wait until Max gets back for my socks, but no way am I ready for her to help me with these. _

Her eyes cast around the room for a solution before settling on her cheap, shitty cane.

_ Yeah, that’ll work. _

She grabs it, and then flips it over, using the handle as a hook to drag the garments up until she doesn’t have to bend over to get them fully in place.

_ Fuck yeah, go me. _

She pokes her head out into the hallway, there are a few familiar faces milling around, Stella, Dana and Juliet all chatting outside of Dana’s room. She crosses over and knocks on Kate’s door.

“Oh! Good morning Chloe!” Kate greets her, her voice an absolute ray of sunshine.

“Sup Katiecat.”

“I was just about to let Alice out of her cage for the morning, would you like to come in?”

“Oh hell yeah!”

Kate smiles bright and steps back from her door to let Chloe in. Chloe takes a seat on the couch as Kate scoops up a compliant Alice before setting the bunny on the ground. A smile creeps onto Chloe’s face as the rabbit immediately starts zipping around the room. “Looks like she wanted out.”

“I guess so!” Kate giggles, pulling her desk chair over so she can face Chloe.

“I don’t think I thanked you properly for the collection you took up.”

“Oh it’s quite alright! I just wanted to help take stress off of everyone.”

With a sigh, Chloe relaxes on the couch. “Were things bad while I was out? Max won’t really talk about it.”

“It was… difficult, for all of us.” Kate confesses as she sits down, “Max definitely took it the hardest, she refused to leave your side. Dana actually had to carry her out to make her take a shower.”

Warm and fuzzy feelings flit around in Chloe’s chest as Kate continues.

“She definitely blames herself for not doing something to prevent it.”

“Well she shouldn’t, who knows what might’ve happened if she’d tried something.”

“We tried telling her that, but… she wasn’t ready to listen I suppose.”

Chloe nods a few times. “Yeah, I figured she’d had it bad, but what about everyone else? Like what the hell is going on with Victoria? She’s practically turned on a dime.”

“Victoria... she, um, hit rock bottom. From what she told me, it was like she had to look at every bad decision she’d ever made in the mirror at once and it... I-I think it broke her. I helped her as much as I could with the…”

“Withdrawal? Dude, I was her dealer, remember?”

“R-right… I guess you kinda know all about that.”

With a sigh Chloe nods and moves her foot to give Alice a gentle rub. The rabbit flops onto her side and Chloe just keeps on rubbing. “Yeah.”

“She was in a really dark place. Nobody was talking to her and she was blaming herself for Nathan.”

“And she came to you?”

“Less that and more… I found her crying in the bathroom with… a knife.”

“Oh, shit.” Alice decides that she’s had enough of Chloe’s petting and hops across the room to Kate, who scoops her up into her lap.

“Like I said, she was in a dark place. I, um, researched it later and the withdrawal can make you depressed and suicidal.”

“So you stopped her?”

Kate shrugs, her teeth worrying at her lower lip. “I… guess? I said her name, she turned and she just looked… so  _ scared. _ I’d never imagined that Victoria of all people could be scared, but  _ her  _ trying to do…  _ that _ ?”

“So what did you do then?”

“I… we just talked. About what was happening, what we were all going through. We’re lucky we didn’t have classes for a week because I don’t think  _ any _ of us would have been able to cope with classes on top of what happened.” Kate says, her eyes distant and her voice tight. “Nobody ever expects something like that to happen in  _ your _ school to someone you know, right? A-and he was her best friend.”

“So she blamed herself?”

“Yeah,” Kate says with a soft, anxious giggle, “I guess she and Max have that in common. She kept asking me how she couldn’t see what was happening. She knew Nathan better than  _ anyone _ , but she had no idea he was even capable of something like killing Rachel, and then when he shot you…”

Chloe can only nod.  _ How many people beat themselves up because of my idiot decisions? _

“Anyways, I-I think I’ve overshared, this is really for Victoria to tell, not me.”

“Fair ‘nough I guess.” Chloe says with a shrug. “How about you? How did you handle things?”

“I-It was hard, seeing you in that hospital bed.” Kate admits, her eyes casting down to focus on Alice, her voice growing more choked up by the second. “Just a few days ago you had saved me from Nathan and M-… Jefferson and who knows what fate, and then when you needed my help I…”

“Hey, it’s okay Kate. It’s not your fault.”

A few tears roll down Kate’s cheeks and sob slips out. “I-I know, I know that in my head, but i-in my soul? I f-feel like I failed you, like we all did.”

“Dude, no way,” Chloe shuffles closer on the bed as best she can before putting a comforting hand on Kate’s shoulder. “You all helped me so much in just a couple of days, and I almost threw everything away.”

“Just seeing you there, in that bed…. Y-you were  _ so _ pale Chloe, it looked like you were already halfway dead by the time they let anyone visit you. Max kept worrying that you weren’t going to wake up and… I worried about that too.”

“Yeah well I’m stubborn so nothing to worry about right?” Chloe flashes her a grin, trying to mask her own heartache at having put so many through so much because she had been reckless.

Kate half sobs, half giggles at the bravado. “I guess so. Sorry I’m… such a mess.”

“Nah, it’s my fault for bringing up rough stuff. I’ll get out of your hair and let you clean up. Max is gonna bring me some breakfast so I can avoid the stairs.”

Kate moves Alice onto her bed, gets up and offers Chloe a helping hand, which she gratefully uses to get herself back up onto her feet. Her tone is still raw from the emotions, but there’s a teasing note to it. “Ohhhh, breakfast together, is it a date?”

Chloe pauses by her door, unable to keep a shit eating grin off her face. “Keep it to yourself, but, it just might be.”

Kate’s squee is so loud it startles Alice into jumping up into the air like a coiled spring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ["and when you open your eyes you’re in central park  
>  carried by the words that you learned when you woke up:  
>  even though – i thought i was – all alone – i was wrong  
>  even though – i thought i was – all alone – i am not"  
>  \-- Young Glass - Hey Rosetta!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX_Nvm-ZEvY)
> 
> Hi everyone! It's been entirely too long. Part of that is because I've been focusing on writing Much Ado About Kate, a project I'm about to double down on, part life deciding to throw a bunch of shit at me, and part plain ol' fashion writer's block. This fic is definitely not dead, but it probably won't update again until I have the rough draft for Much Ado About Kate done and dusted. I hope everyone enjoyed this little slice of fluff and please, let me know what you think in the comments!


	22. Your Monsters

“Holy shit! This might be the best bacon I’ve ever eaten!”

“Blackwell cafeteria bacon is  _ so _ not the best bacon!” Max laughs as she bumps shoulders with Chloe.

“Dude, you haven’t been eating hospital food for the past fucking month, okay? So what if it’s soggy and lukewarm, it’s still fucking bacon!” Chloe grins as she shoves another slice into her mouth.

“Sorry about it being cold; Warren wanted to talk.”

Chloe chuckles softly as she chases down the bacon with some coffee. “That guy still totally in love with you?”

“Even more now I think, since we’re playing D&D. He won’t stop trying to talk to me about these crazy broken character builds. Like, I’m fine talking about that for WoW, but I’m not into minmaxing when I’m trying to roleplay,” Max grumbles before shovelling another bite of omelet into her mouth.

“Neeeeeeerd!” Chloe teases before laughing as Max’s cheeks go red. “Figures you’d play WoW, you little nerdling!”

Max rolls her eyes and shoulder bumps Chloe again. “Shut uuuuup! You were always the one crazy into science!”

“Yeah, because you get to do cool shit like blow stuff up!”

“As if that’s the only reason you like it, I remember how much you used to nerd out!” Max rolls her eyes with a giggle and eats another mouthful of her omelet.

Chloe sighs for a moment as she rests her head back against the wall. Despite everything, even the fact that if she moves her torso just slightly in the wrong way she’d be shrieking in pain, she feels warm, peaceful and even happy. She wants to grab that feeling with both hands and hold tight, it’s been so long. It makes her think of happier days with Max and Dad, of the fleeting moments of real connection with Rachel.

_ I bet Dad would be all ‘I told you so’ right now; he was totally expecting us to date when we got older. _

_ I wish he was here to see this. _

“Guess we’re both just giant dorks, huh?” Chloe shoots Max a wink.

“No way, you’re the giant dork.”

“The giant  _ kissable _ dork, huh?” A wiggle of her eyebrows is enough to get Max giggle snorting. “Don’t tell me you don’t want another piece of the Price.”

There’s a soft snicker from Max as her head darts in to plant a quick kiss before she returns to her food. “Greedy much? We made out lots this morning.”

An ache of her old insecurities rushes through her; it’s Max’s voice but the words are very much Rachel.  _ Come on Chloe, get a grip, she even agreed to the girlfriends label.  _ “What can I say? You’re the best addiction I’ve ever had.”

An odd look crosses over Max’s face. “You’ve had addictions?”

Sighing, Chloe runs a hand through her hair.  _ Way to go big mouth, killing the mood already. _ “Are you sure you want to hear about this stuff? It’s really heavy.”

“Y-yeah, I mean, I wasn’t there then but… I can be here for you now.” Max shifts closer to her, food forgotten as she fixes her attention fully on Chloe. “Being a couple isn’t just all good times, right?”

_ Ah, shit. _ “Er… alright. I, um, used to drink myself stupid constantly after David found out and… all the shit that happened. It helped it not hurt so much, for a bit at least. I also got into some harder shit for a little bit… but between a shitty winter and Frank putting his foot down I’m clean now.”

“Chloe, I…” Max’s voice wavers as she takes Chloe’s hand in hers. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s fine, okay?” Chloe shrugs and gives Max’s hand a squeeze. “I didn’t tell you about that because shit was already heavy enough and Rachel made me promise to never touch the stuff again. The only time I broke that promise was the dumbass shit I pulled with Nathan and, well, you know how that turned out.”

“Can you promise me that?”

She hesitates for a moment. “I… don’t know, it was between me and Rach, you know?”

The hurt on Max’s face stabs deep. “And you don’t want to… um, pass the torch I guess?”

Heaviness sinks into Chloe’s gut as she looks away to stare at nothing in particular, just remembering Rachel’s pleading voice, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she removed empty bottle after empty bottle from Chloe’s spot under the bridge. “It’s… The promises I made to her are like the only real things I have left of her.”

Max’s hand squeezes tight. “Promise _ s _ ? Chloe…”

“Look, I was… I was really fucked up, okay? Did you ever notice the scars around my ankles?”

“Y-yeah… I didn’t want to ask…” 

Chloe keeps her gaze turned away; she doesn’t need to see her face to know how horrible this is for her.

“I did them. It started small, just some pain to stop the numbness, then I did it more and more, and added a little alcohol…” Chloe shakes her head and sits up as much as she can before the pain puts a stop to that. “Like I said, I was seriously fucked up. I’m not now, I’m never going back to that place again. I’ve got you and Rachel to thank for that.”

Max’s arms wrap around her tenderly, Chloe lifts her arm up and that small frame is pressing into her as much as she dares. They sit in silence for a long time, Chloe’s cheeks growing damp and Max making a few soft whimpers as she soaks the side of her shirt. Eventually Max speaks up. “Chloe… you’re… I… can we make our own promise then? Or can I make you a promise?”

“I, uh, sure, you can make me a promise.” Chloe allows, gently rubbing a hand over Max’s back.

“Okay.” Max shifts, tilting her head up so Chloe can look into her eyes. “Chloe Price, I promise you I’m never abandoning you again. You hear me? I will  _ always _ come back for you and I’ll never,  _ ever _ forget you.”

The sheer intensity in her words, her voice and her eyes scares Chloe just a little bit. Max grips her shirt tightly as she shifts to press herself against Chloe.  _ Damn, what happened to the little timid Max I used to know? _ “S-shit Max, after watching me get shot I’d sure hope you wouldn’t forget me.”

She freezes for a moment, her intensity giving way to a brief look of this deep sadness that steals Chloe’s breath away.  _ Shit, I probably shouldn’t talk about that.  _ Max glances aside before shaking her head. “Like anyone could forget  _ the _ Chloe Price.”

“Damn right, Caulfield! Besides, I’m your fucking girlfriend now.”

Max buries her face in the side of Chloe’s neck and nuzzles into it. “Hell yeah you are. And since we’re going to be sleeping in the same bed a lot…”

Chloe feels her face flushing as she pulls away from Max as much as her injury allows. “Yeah? What’s up?”

Max fidgets and pulls away, a hand rubbing at her wrist as she bites on her lower lip. “Um, I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Dude, I literally just told you I was an alcoholic. Spit it out.”

“I’ve, uh, been having these nightmares. About what happened.” Max looked away from her, her small frame curling up a bit. “Spending the night with you last night really helped but… I-I don’t know if it always will.”

Self hatred surged through her as Max’s voice cracked at the end.  _ Fuck, of course she’s traumatized because of my stupid bullshit. _ “That’s… um, shit, I… fuck. I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t-”

A finger to her lips cuts her off and Max shifts so she’s kneeling over Chloe’s lap, that intense look in her eyes again. “Hey, no. You’re here, you’re alive. That’s what matters. It’s not your fault.”

“It is my fault, Max!” Chloe shuts her eyes as Max’s gentle hand brushes against her cheek. Burning rises in her throat along with a desire to make fresh scars to make up for Max’s invisible ones. “If I hadn’t fucked up you would be fine! I wouldn’t have a fucking hole in me and-”

“And Jefferson wouldn’t have been caught!” Max cuts her off again, her voice straining with so much emotion it shatters her heart in an instant. “A-and… I…”

Max practically collapses as a sob rips through her and Chloe holds her tight, gritting her teeth against the pain from the sudden shift in weight.  _ I’m going to kill that fucker for even having Max on his list. _ She tries to make her words soothing, but between her clenched teeth and the burning sensation they give way to protective rage. “He didn’t get you. He didn’t fucking touch you and I’ll fucking end him if he ever tries.”

Another sob escapes Max’s lips and her hands clutch to Chloe so tight that she’s worried about her scar opening, but before she can say something Max relaxes a little and pulls back, a small fragile smile on her lips. “T-there’s my Chloe. Always so brave and fierce.”

Chloe reaches up and cups Max’s cheek, her thumb brushing away some tears. “I’ve got a Max fucking Caulfield to protect, how can I not?”

That precious smile grows a little less fragile and Max leans in to press her forehead against Chloe’s. They stay like that for a few moments, Chloe’s hand moving around to gently rub the back of Max’s neck as she just enjoys the contact. The anger and pain slowly slip away.

When Max eventually pulls away, Chloe has to resist the urge to pull her back in. She chuckles softly and wipes her tear stained face into her sleeve. “You’re gonna have to rest up if you want to protect me.”

“Hey, I’ll take laying around in your bed over a hospital bed any day of the fucking week,” Chloe says with a laugh, just relieved to see Max smiling again.

“You won’t hear me complaining.” Max grins before slipping off Chloe’s lap and her hand darts out to steal a slice of Chloe’s bacon. “But you’d better eat your food before I do.”

“Wha-hey! Give that back you little brat!” Chloe tries to lunge for the tasty morsel but it vanishes into Max’s mouth before she can reach. Max’s laughter echoes around the room and soon Chloe is laughing along too, or as much as she can without hurting. For a brief, wonderful moment, she almost feels like a kid again, just spending a Saturday morning messing around with Max before their favourite cartoons come on.

Max’s alarm brings the whole thing crashing down. “Shit, I gotta get to class. You sure you’re going to be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m already weeks ahead on the homework Ms. Grant gave me.” Max looks up from her bag to fix her with a quizzical look so she shrugs and tries not to think of the memories too hard. “Rachel used to give me her old textbooks when she finished a semester, and it’s not like I had much else to do stuck in that fucking cabin.”

“Wowsers! Sounds like you might actually graduate with the rest of us then.”

“…Wowsers?” Chloe deadpans. “Did you really just say wowsers?”

Those freckled features go about as red as can be, and Chloe has to fight to keep her composure. “Whaaaat! I said it last D&D session! I, um, used to say it all the time but I didn’t want to seem uncool around you…”

Another laughter fit consumes Chloe until she’s wincing and beating down that fucking pain again. Max rushes to her side and tries to get out something for the pain before Chloe waves her off. After a few moments of clenched teeth and breathing, she manages to steady herself.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine. Just, what? Dude, you were afraid of being uncool around  _ me?! _ Like holy shit, we grew up together! I was in, like, most of the pics your parents would use to embarrass you in the first place.” Chloe shakes her head in utter disbelief. “You think I’d think less of you for saying wowsers of all things? You used to say way dumber shit when we were kids. Fuck… what was it you used to say…”

“Oh nooooo! Chloe stooooop!” Max groans and buries her face in her hands as Chloe snaps her fingers, trying to part the haze she made to protect herself from her fucked up memories. She pushes as far back as she can through the shit pit to where the happy memories lay.

“Shiny! That was it!” Chloe laughs in triumph. “I remember now, we watched Firefly with Dad and you were so obsessed with Kaylee. Looking back you were pretty fucking gay Max.”

“Shut uuuuup, I’m still mad it never came back.” Max groans as she shoulders her messenger bag. “Besides, I think I might have something of a thing for women who know their way around an engine.”

“Damn, yet another reason to be pissed I couldn’t get that hunk of junk running.” Chloe shakes her head at the memory.

“What hunk of junk?” Max casually asks over her shoulder as she heads for the door.

Chloe waves a hand to dismiss the thing. “There was this old truck in the junkyard, I tried to fix it up but the engine was so fucked up it was going to need a full rebuild and I didn’t have the tools, parts or cash. Anyways, text me when you get to class if Courtney is there; I need to redye my hair.”

“Sure! I’ll bring you lunch!” Max promises as she slips out the door, blowing her a daring little kiss before vanishing out into the hall.

Chloe misses her already as she stuffs the last of her food in her face and gets started with her homework.

The text doesn’t take long to come and she pulls her blue stained towel, disposable gloves, Max’s conditioner and what’s left of the bottle out of her bag.  _ Yeah, should be enough left in here to get the job done. _

She hauls herself to her feet with a grunt of pain, grabs her cane and makes her way to the bathroom. After a quick check to make sure she is in fact all by herself, she pauses in front of a mirror. Seeing her blond hair again takes her back to places she isn’t ready to be yet, if she ever is, and it’s getting longer than she likes it. She’ll have to ask Max to fix that, or maybe someone else on the floor.

Leaning in, she takes a closer look at the person looking back at her. Even after getting on the hormones, she had avoided mirrors because she always looked like she hadn’t eaten in days. Which was the case more often than she liked it to be, her skin pale and papery, cheeks gaunt, eyes sunken. Her gaze was hard but hollow.

The woman, yes,  _ woman _ , looking back at her in the mirror feels like a completely different person. Her eyes still have their hardness but there’s a spark of life to them. Her face isn’t deathly pale anymore; instead there’s colour and fullness to her cheeks.

Gingerly and with care, she pulls her shirt off, setting it aside so she can take a good look at the rest of herself. The scar in the front doesn’t look so bad, just a puckered patch of white scar tissue. The rest of her though, that’s what catches her eye. First of all, she can’t count her ribs anymore. She has body fat now, honest to god body fat. She’s not all skin, bone and wiry muscles anymore. Tears threaten to spill but she shakes them off; she has a purpose.

She hasn’t been able to use an actual shower to dye her hair since Rachel. Her throat burns at just the thought of her name and it takes a moment of steady breathing to keep the tears from flowing. She has to do this while she can still use the shower, it’s not like she can bend over to use the sink and Frank’s RV is long gone. She slides on the gloves, drapes the towel around her shoulders, pops the cap off the bottles and gets to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ["so come on by my house and unleash me your monsters  
>  with you at the helm we’ll go crashing around together  
>  don’t mistake some initial hate for something more than cautionary  
>  cause baby this is love, i’ll come down to hell to keep you company"  
>  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxeJt5spDq0)
> 
> [\-- The Simplest Thing - Hey Rosetta!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxeJt5spDq0)
> 
> A huge thanks to [Ghost in the Hella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_in_the_Hella) for betaing this!
> 
> Happy New Years everyone! I hope you're all doing well in these fucking awful times. Sorry this chapter took so long. When I started this fic, it was to process a lot of things I was feeling and had been through. I was in a pretty dark place and Statistics helped me get out of that. Which while great for me has meant that I haven't really been super into writing this fic because it meant revisiting those dark places in a time when my mental health was shakey between the concussion and the pandemic. Fortunately I'm starting to come out of that and going to darker places isn't nearly as hard. This fic is by no means dead, I have a lot of plans for this AU and these dorks. My main writing focus continues to be on Much Ado About Kate for the time being, but once I have that wrapped up and in the can, this fic is going to be my next focus.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I hope you all have a wonderful New Years.


	23. Just Fine

Tingles run over Chloe’s scalp as Max’s hands comb through her re-dyed hair, a satisfied groan sounding in her throat as she presses back into Max, who is sitting behind her on the bed. “And here I was worried you wanted me to go natural.”

Max giggles softly before she presses a little kiss into the back of Chloe’s neck that makes her shiver. “You’re talking to the queen of pointless anxieties, trust me, I get it.”

“This still seriously doesn’t feel real. I don’t know if it will for a while.”

Max’s face nuzzles into the side of her neck as her arms wrap around Chloe’s waist, gingerly and below the scar. “I know what you mean, it hasn’t felt real since you woke up in the hospital. I know I said it before, but I was so, so scared. I was worried I’d messed everything up again.”

“What do you mean you’d messed everything up, dork?” Chloe replies with a scoff as she closes her eyes and nestles into Max’s arms. “I was the one who thought that was a good idea.”

There’s silence for a few moments, Max’s arms gently squeezing her before she speaks in a hushed, fragile tone. “Just… I kept wondering if there was something I could have done so that it hadn’t happened like that.”

“Yeah, but who knows what would have happened instead. Butterfly effect and all that bullshit, right? Besides, what would you have even done? I’m pretty sure Nathan wanted to fucking kill me.”

Max goes quiet, her thumbs stroking over Chloe’s stomach before she sighs. “I just… I dunno.”

“Look, what’s done is done and you can’t change the past. Besides, we ended up pretty alright.”

“… Yeah, I guess we did,” Max says, planting another little kiss into Chloe’s neck. “Any word from your lawyer?”

Chloe shivers from the kiss before replying and lays her arms over Max’s, her fingers running over the backs of Max’s hands. “Everything has been filed on our end. Now I just wait, I guess.”

There’s a soft sigh as Max shifts behind her. “Waiting always sucks.”

“Hey, at least now I’m not waiting in that fucking hospital,” Chloe says with a soft laugh. “Are you just going to koala my back all night or do you wanna get up here and start this movie?”

“Nooooooo,” Max whines softly, burying her face into the crook of Chloe’s neck and squeezing her just a little tighter. “No moving.”

“Dude, I thought you wanted to see this movie!”

“Yeah but I don’t want to move more than I want to see it.”

Chloe can’t help but laugh as she pictures the giant pout on Max’s face as she reaches a hand up to ruffle her girlfriend’s shaggy hair. “Come on dork, you can just cuddle up to my side.”

“Yeah but it’s not the same.” Max says softly, in a mock grumpy tone. “This is way more comfy.”

“But I can’t kiss you when you’re back there, you little nerdling.”

“Hmmmmm, that is a pretty persuasive point,” Max shifts a little before peppering Chloe’s neck with some more little kisses. “But I dunno, I can kiss you pretty good back here.”

Chloe shivers again, before a breathy laugh echoes around the room. “Whoa Caulfield, first last night and now all this? Starting to wonder if you just wanna get into these pants.”

Max freezes up and goes quiet for a few moments before sighing. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be pushing so hard.”

“Whoa, dude, what?” _Really wish I could turn around and see her face right now, or just like hold her._ “I’m so not mad, I’m just teasing you. If I didn’t have an unwanted hole in me I’d hella be down for something.”

Chloe can feel Max tense for a second before she relaxes. “I’m still sorry.”

“So come around here so I can kiss your stupidly cute face and watch this dumb stoner comedy.”

There’s a soft snort and Max’s arms pull back from Chloe’s waist and she shuffles around to sit next to Chloe, a tentative smile on her face. Chloe can’t help but break out into a goofy grin as she loops an arm around Max’s shoulders and pulls her in close. “C’mere you.”

That tentative smile breaks out into that big dorky smile she remembers after she plants a kiss on Max’s forehead. “If I’m dreaming, you’d better not pinch me you big dope.”

Max yelps as Chloe pinches her anyways. “Well, this is still happening so you’re _definitely_ not dreaming.”

“Oh you are _so_ lucky I can’t get you back for that with a tickle attack.” Max grumbles, folding her arms across her chest and pouting up at Chloe.

With a laugh, Chloe straightens out her arm over Max’s shoulders. “Here you can pinch m-Ow!”

“Gotcha.” Max sniggers before pressing herself into Chloe’s side.

“You’re hella lucky you’re so fucking cute for a dork.”

“And you’re lucky you’re so hot for a nerd.”

Chloe reaches her hand up to ruffle Max’s hair again. “You gonna start the movie or what? I can’t exactly bend over ya know.”

“I mean, aren’t we supposed to get stoned before watching a stoner comedy?” Max asks with a hint of mischief.

“What, you want to toke up what you bought from me forever ago?”

Max shrugs and presses into Chloe a bit more. “At some point, yeah. Why, is now a bad time?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting high, but I kinda don’t want to fuck with things while I’m on the stronger stuff. Once I’m off those, medicating with pot sounds fucking great to me actually.”

“And it won’t break your promises?” Max asks, her voice suddenly soft.

“Nah, that was something we did together right up until… you know.” Chloe bites down on her cheek to distract herself from the thought. “But we can watch this while sober.”

Max opens her mouth to answer, but Chloe’s phone vibrates on the table. Max reaches out and grabs it for her. “Huh, unknown number.”

“Uh oh. I bet I know who that fucking is.”

She unlocks her phone and sure enough. “It says ‘You just made the biggest mistake of your life’. Holy fuck, I didn’t expect him to be _this_ dumb.”

“Wait, what? Did he actually send that to you?” Max leans in closer and Chloe turns the screen so she can read it for herself. “Holy crap.”

“Yeah, I know right? Hella stupid. I’m just going to forward this to my lawyer.”

“You’re not scared?”

Chloe shrugs as she forwards the text to her lawyer. “He’s just going to hurt his case if he comes after me. But I also don’t know him worth shit.”

“Victoria might know how serious he is. Maybe you should go ask her?”

“Sure, after we finish this movie.”

Chloe gently pries Max’s sleeping form off of her as she preemptively silences her pills alarm. _Damn, she didn’t even last twenty minutes, that’s gotta be a fucking record. I bet she’ll pass right out if I ever get her stoned. Wish I could just lay here until I pass out, but I gotta take my pills and talk to Victoria._

_Me, willingly talking to Victoria for something other than dealing. Did I wake up in a parallel universe or something?_

Gingerly she lays Max’s head down onto the pillow and draws her blankets up over her girlfriend and desperately wishes she could lean over and kiss her forehead without a shitload of pain. _Damn, haven’t felt the warm fuzzies like this for a long ass time. See you soon, Maxinator._

With as much care as she can, Chloe eases out of the bed and grabs her cane before hobbling over to Max’s desk and downing her girl pills. After a quick check that she hasn’t already woken Max up, she heads for the door. Opening and closing the dorm doors silently is a skill she mastered years ago during her escapades with Rachel.

The corridor is full of the sounds of the evening. TVs and radios playing softly and she sees Stella going into her room down the hallway. _Well no Courtney at least, really not looking forward to that bullshit whenever she does see me._

She crosses the hallway, pausing for a moment to listen to the sounds coming through the door. _Sounds like music?_

She knocks on the door and after a moment the music stops before the door opens a crack. “Uh, hey Vic.”

The door opens wider and Victoria’s head pokes out through the door, her face a study in careful neutrality. _Okay, that’s fucking weird._ “Oh, hey.”

“Do you got a sec?” Chloe asks, holding up her phone as if that’ll explain everything. “I need to talk to you about Prescott shit.”

Victoria’s neutrality gives way to a grimace and a heavy sigh. “Fuck, fine. We were done with the movie anyways.”

 _We?_ Chloe raises an eyebrow and puzzlement as the door swings open to show Kate sitting on Victoria’s couch, in her pyjamas and with her hair down while holding a pillow in her lap. She smiles broadly at Chloe and gives her a wave. “Hi Chloe! We just finished watching Kiki’s Delivery Service.”

“Don’t give me that look, Price. I’m just giving her a crash course in the classics.” Victoria says, putting her hands on her hips and glaring not quite convincingly at Chloe.

 _Shit, is she blushing a bit? I’m definitely going to have to ask Kate about this some more._ “I literally didn’t even look at you.”

“Whatever.” Victoria huffs before turning to Kate. “Do you want to be here for this Katie?”

Kate sets the pillow down and gets to her feet, her gaze darting between the two of them. “Not... particularly. I would really rather not hear about that family any more than I have to.”

“It’s cool Katiecat.” Chloe says, grinning a little as Victoria glares at her. “Catch you around?”

“Of course! I’m really excited for the next session.” Kate says with a smile. “And it’s my choice next time Victoria.”

“As long as it’s not Veggie Tales or something.”

And like that they’re alone in the room. _Fuck, a couple months ago and this would have been holy fuck bad idea territory._ Chloe unlocks her phone, opens up the text and shows it to Victoria, who rolls her eyes. “Fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, I know. How seriously should I take this?”

Victoria paces around the room a little bit, her finger tapping on her chin. “Nathan’s dad is a giant piece of shit, and volatile as fuck. It’ll depend on how tight of a leash his lawyers manage to keep on him, at the very least he’s, like, totally going to look for dirt on you.”

“I’m stuck in a room for the next couple weeks, so, I think I’m good there.” Chloe says with a shrug as she leans against the door.

“I’m talking until the entire case is done, probably longer than that.” Victoria says with an eye roll. “He keeps serious grudges.”

“So do I. Besides, he can’t really do anything worse to me than what’s already happened unless he wants to off me himself.”

Victoria shakes her head and sits down on the couch. “You don’t get it. If you think Nathan is crazy, his dad makes him look well adjusted. Trust me, I heard it all when I used to visit his estate. He’s going to look for anything he can and he’s not above doing dirty shit to do it.”

“And you put me in touch with a lawyer and told me to sue him. Gee, thanks.” Chloe sighs and her arms drop to her sides. “So what the fuck do I do?”

“Be a fucking model citizen? Don’t give him anything he could do to make things worse for you. I bet he’s already trying to get Wells to kick you out of the dorms.”

 _Annnnnd I’m already doing the one thing that’ll get me kicked out for sure._ “Sure, no problem. Drug dealing bridge troll turned upstanding citizen, you got it.”

Victoria snorts softly. “Smartass.”

“I do have a reputation to uphold, after all, I am a cunsn.” Chloe teases with a smirk and the two laugh softly.

“I don’t know why I thought asking someone I was being a shithead toward to do my homework was a good idea.” She shakes her head and scoffs.

Chloe can’t help the grin that slips onto her face. “Pretty sure that’s because you thought I was cute.”

“Who said anything about was? Real talk, girl fits you a lot better than guy ever did.” Victoria says with a laugh. “But I don’t think anything was ever in the cards between us.”

“Nooooope. I had you firmly filed under ‘crazy bitch’.”

Victoria looks up at her, her face suddenly full of vulnerability and her voice quiet. “And now?”

“And now I don’t really know.” Chloe shrugs and drums her fingers against the door. “Kate said some shit went down and you seem to be mellowing the hell out now.”

There’s a groan and Victoria buries her face in her hands. “Yeah, some shit went down in that I tried to kill myself like an idiot and Kate walked in on it.”

“Yeah, she said as much,” Chloe replies with a shrug. “You seriously don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”

“I… Talking about it kinda helps. At least with Kate, it’s not like I can dump this on Nathan when I go and visit him and I’m not really talking to Taylor right now since the shooting.” Victoria’s head jerks up and she gives Chloe a sheepish look. “You’re, um, not mad I’m going to see him, right? Nobody else is visiting him.”

“I dunno about you.” Chloe says with a shrug. “I’m not exactly in a hurry to go see the guy who shot me before you even think about asking me.”

Victoria sighs and grabs a pack of cigarettes off of her side table. “I know it’s just… I can’t just let him rot in there. You remember what he was like back when he and I were freshmen, right?”

“I stood up for that asshole, of course I remember. He was weird but he wasn’t a total psycho yet.”

“Yeah, well, when your dad turns every action you make since you’re like 8 into ‘disgracing the family’ and all that shit, you’re gonna get fucked up too.” Victoria pulls out a cigarette and starts tapping against the box. “Besides, I feel like giving up on him is giving up on myself. I’m all fucked up too, just differently.”

“You just hid it all with your coke habit?”

Victoria shudders, she starts tapping the cigarette harder and faster. “Yeah, and stupid hookups at parties. I’ve, uh, actually tried to off myself a few times. After my parents called me a failure for not winning this contest or getting into that gallery when I was like fucking 13 and a whole bunch after. I even tried to OD over the summer but Tay talked me out of it.”

 _Shit, do I, like, open up here? Are we having a moment? Me, having a moment with Victoria fucking Chase, what’re the fucking odds._ “I, uh, I’ve tried to off myself a bunch too, when the gender shit started and especially after I got kicked out.”

There’s a harsh bark of laughter from Victoria. “God I’m such a fucking idiot, complaining about bullshit expectations and asshole parents to _you_ of all fucking people. Talk about fucking first world problems. At least my shitty parents don’t want to force me to be the wrong gender or put me out on the street.”

“Shitty parents are shitty parents dude. Rachel’s dad tried to keep her from seeing her bio mom by getting a drug boss to go after her. My mom refuses to accept who I am. It’s not a fucking contest.”

“Everything is… was a contest to me. Fuck.” Victoria puts her cigarette back into the box, puts the box back on the table and rubs her temples with her fingers. “Katie keeps reminding me that it’s not and I keep wanting to scream at her that it’s all a competition all the time, and if you’re not winning you’re going to get ground down into nothing. And then I just realize I’m repeating my fucking parents and shit you just came in here to talk about Nathan’s shitty dad, why am I telling you all this?”

“Because we’re both fucked up,” Chloe shrugs as she fails to find a better answer. “The big difference is that you come from money and I sure as fuck don’t.”

Victoria groans and leans back on the couch. “That money is just what they use to keep me doing what they want, fuck it.”

“Don’t knock it until you’re living on the street.” Chloe shakes her head and pushes off from the door as Victoria freezes up, her face going red. “Like I can imagine how that must suck, but trust me, you hella don’t want the alternative.”

“I… guess you’re right about that. Fuck, I’ll stop whining about my stupid shit.”

“It’s not stupid, just, you know, perspective. Anyways, I’m going to get back to Max, you, uh, stay safe and shit, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got a whole contract with Katie about it, you can chill.” Victoria pushes up to her feet and just kind of stands around awkwardly. “I’ll, like, see you around I guess.”

“Cool.” Chloe goes to open the door again and pauses for a moment. “What’s going on with you and Kate anyways?”

Victoria’s face goes beet red and her lips go thin. “Fucking nothing, okay? We’re just friends. Now beat it.”

“Uhuh,” Chloe replies, utterly unconvinced. “Just don’t hurt her.”

There’s a moment of silence as Victoria’s face falls and she looks at the floor. Her voice is quiet and cracked. “I’m done hurting people.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby  
> As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine  
> Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby  
> Nothing's gonna take you from my side"  
> \-- Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex
> 
> Oh hey, this came out of nowhere. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Big thanks to [LazyLazer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyLazer/pseuds/LazyLazer) and Blu for betaing.
> 
> Bit of housekeeping, I made a playlist of all the songs used for chapter titles, which you can find [here.](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLF3zr2tVurRCEjT-bOLM29p5ivou0qmj0)
> 
> I'm going to try and update this fic more often, but no promises, an as of yet unreleased project has pretty much taken over all of my writing time. Hopefully I'll be able to share that with all of you soon, but I'm aiming to have it completed before I start publishing it at all.


	24. Axes Flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Smut, descriptions of violence and dice rolling.

Calamastia howls with defiant rage as her axe slices through the air and liberates a gnoll’s head from it’s shoulders. Reversing her swing, she bisects the gnoll standing next to her fallen attacker from shoulder to hip before bashing the still standing corpse over with a savage head butt.

Laying prone behind her, Nora moans in pain, clutching at her wounds as death ebbs ever closer.

The gnolls closest to Calamastia are terrified by the brutal slaying of their packmates. No longer so eager to charge they start uncertainly jabbing at her with their spears that either miss or she deflects with ease.

“Fucking cowards!” The elf bellows, hefting her blood soaked axe for another swing. “Come and die already!”

The gnolls snarl back at her, but refuse her challenge.

A great ball of flame erupts behind them, the air reeking of charred flesh and burning fur as their remaining ranks are once again immolated. Trapped between an elf with a giant axe and the raging inferno at their backs, some try to run, fleeing back over the burning remains of their once mighty pack.

Light blossoms at Calamastia’s feet as Enna’s healing magic restores some of Nora’s many wounds. The sorceress groans with pain as she staggers back to her feet before losing a bolt of lightning from her fingertips, seering the fleeing gnolls. “Serves ya right you  _ dogs _ !”

“Gnolls are actually much closer cousins to felines.” Elamon replies in a huff.

“Shush you two.” Enna scolds as Calamastia steps forwards at the remaining terrified gnolls.

The elf howls with fury as her axe cleaves to and fro, butchering the few remaining gnolls with ease before burying her axehead in the chest of a fallen opponent and leaning against the haft. “Is this all?!”

“I would presume so. Their archers have fled as well. Those that haven’t been immolated.” Elamon says as he pushes his glasses up into place.

“All’s well that ends well.” Enna chimes in cheerfully as her healing magic envelopes Nora once again.

“Wait a minute, where’s the big one?” Nora asks, her head darting around for the unseen opponent.

“I think the chieftain is… that ash pile.” Elamon says after a moment of surveying the battlefield. “He managed to survive the first fireball, but not the second.”

Calamastia cackles as she tears her axe free of the corpse. “Not bad tiny man, not bad.”

“Must you call me such things!” Elamon huffs as Nora chuckles.

“Must you two always bicker thusly?” Enna groans, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I can see why you have need of a bard for company.”

“More on the road is always welcome, and safer.” Elamon says, stroking his chin as if he’s hit upon some great wisdom for the ages.

“He just likes more bodies to cower behind.” Calamastia cackles as she throws an arm around the wizard’s skinny shoulders.

“I do not!” He protests in a huff, crossing his robed arms and puffing out his tiny chest. “I simply desire conversation with someone with a more expansive vocabulary.”

“Oh, is the big elf lady not fancy enough fer ya?” Nora jeers with a laugh, and Calamastia laughs along with her.

“Shouldn’t we, um, search the camp?” Enna asks, stepping in between everyone. “Just make sure we’ve actually run them off.”

“Don’t forget anything shiny!” Calamastia adds with a huge grin. “We need some of the shiny metal, right fancy pants?”

Elamon groans and shoves Calamastia off of him. “I know very well that you know what currency is you oaf!”

____

“Oaf? Seriously dude, that’s the best you can come up with?” Chloe laughs, taking care to rein it in enough to not cause pain. “I’m still an elf!”

“An extremely uncultured elf!” Mickey shoots back.

“Ladies and wizards! Please!” Steph laughs as she holds up her hands for peace. “There will be peace!”

“Do you mind if we take a quick break?” Kate asks, her face turned towards something off camera. “Alice is getting really fussy, I think I need to change her water or something.”

“Guess it’s biobreak time.” Steph says with a shrug as a bowl hovers in from the left side of the shot. “My girl just made me some fresh popcorn.”

“Hi Dina!” Everyone chimes in at once, prompting a laugh from Steph’s end.

“Hi everyone! Hope you’re having fun!” Dina shouts back as she leans in and shares a quick kiss with Steph before leaving the frame.

“Awh, they’re so cute.” Max coos softly to Chloe as she nestles in a little closer to her side and plants a kiss on Chloe’s cheek.

“You’re one to talk!” Steph says with a laugh. “What with all your ‘the world must never know of our love’ stuff.”

Chloe flashes the camera a middle finger as she leans in to share a slow and luxurious kiss with Max, prompting more laughter.

“Oh shoot!” Comes Kate’s distant voice. “Am I missing those two being cute again!”

“Sorry Katertot, limited time offer!” Chloe replies once the kiss ends.

“I suppose you don’t want to see Alice then!”

“What, no! The DM demands that there be bunny!” Steph cries before popping some popcorn into her mouth.

“I suppose if the DM demands it.” Kate comes back into the shot, Alice in her arms, nose twitching away.

“Dina, babe! Bunny!” Steph shouts, and there’s a quick stomping of feet before Dina is back in the frame.

“Bunny!” Dina claps her hands. “Oh I love Alice, she’s just so cute!”

“You should come and visit some day, I’m sure Alice would love some new friends.”

“I was actually thinking of coming up over the holidays and seeing my folks.” Steph says with a shrug.

“Oh dude, seriously?” Chloe sits up, eliciting a groan of protest from Max. “We should hang out, it’s been way too long.”

“If we aren’t already at my parents’.” Max adds softly, the reminder sending a shiver through Chloe.  _ Oh shit, right… I’m actually getting out of here over Thanksgiving. _

“We’ll figure it out, I’m sure more parents won’t mind if we stay a bit longer.” Steph says with a shrug.

“Your parents love me.” Dina chimes in with a laugh. “And I’m happy to come as long as I get to see the cute bunny.”

“The rabbit or Kate?” Steph teases and Kate’s face turns visibly red.

“I’m back!” Mikey shouts. “What’d I miss!”

“Only some hot lesbian makeouts.” Dina says with a wink before leaning in to kiss Steph. “Have fun beanie baby.”

“Oh my dog, beanie baby?!” Max laughs and Chloe can’t not laugh alongside her.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up and I’ll drop a Tarrasque on you.” Steph groans, her cheeks red as she pulls down on her trademark white beanie.

Mikey just rolls his eyes. “Let's get back to the game, yeah?”

“Just let me put Alice away.”

____

“Enna, my fair compatriot, would you like to accompany me while we let these uncouth savages go on their own?”

“Who are ya calling uncouth ya overdressed twig!” Nora barks, prompting uproarious laughter from Calamastia.

Enna holds up her hands for peace. “Calm, calm, our fight is not with each other.”

“Not yet.” Calamastia chimes in with a broad grin. “Come on halfing, let’s go find us some shiny shit.”

“Yer talkin’ my language!” Nora grins up at the elf and starts walking towards a series of slightly scorched wooden structures. “We’ll check these ones first.”

“Let me go first. I can take a hit.” Calamastia boasts as her strides quickly catch up with and pass the halfling.

Nora makes a grumpy noise but says nothing as she runs to keep up.

“Do you suppose those two will be alright Elamon?” Enna softly asks as she picks her way through the dead.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. Provided my compatriot doesn’t use your friend as a club.”

“Is there a reason you never refer to her as a friend?”

Elamon shrugs as he lifts his robe up to step over a particularly gruesome mound of charred corpses. “We call each other what we call each other.”

“Surely someone you’ve been through so much with would be a friend and not a mere compatriot.”

“Friends as a concept has always been… elusive to me. Calamastia is my comrade in arms, but I am unsure if she is a ‘friend’.”

“Perhaps she is and you don’t feel comfortable applying the word?”

“Perhaps.” Elamon concedes with a nod. “Which tent shall we try first?”

Calamastia’s axe obliterates the crude wooden door in a single stroke. “Haha! Did you see that little one!”

“Do NOT call me little one!” Nora shouts as they both wander into the crude shack.

“Angry one then?”

“Fine.” Nora grumbles as they start searching the room. There are a few crude chests lining the far wall. Taking opposite ends, they start flipping the lids open. Calamastia’s first chest contains what appear to be some goods taken from a merchant.

Nora’s first contains an angry Gnoll. Nora reacts quickly, firing magic leaping from her hands.

_____

“Crap.” Max hisses. “I rolled a one.”

Steph claps her hands, a near manic grin on her face as she loudly exclaims, “it’s time to spin on the wheel of wiiiiiiiild magic!”

“Oh no,” groans Mikey, “this isn’t going to end well.”

“What’s the wheel of wild magic?” Kate asks, a puzzled look on her face.

“Max’s character draws power from the underlying chaos of the universe,” Steph explains, “every time she casts a spell first level or higher, she rolls a D20. If she rolls a 1, she has to roll on a table full of random effects.”

“I rolled a 41.”

Steph claps her hands some more, cackling all the while. Max glances up at Chloe with a worried look in her eyes, and Chloe can only shrug back.

_____

There’s a loud pop as Nora’s form is suddenly transmuted into a potted plant as the gnoll is struck by darts of force. The Nora plant clatters to the floor as Calamastia bellows in fury before closing the gap and burying her axe in the gnoll’s head.

A few seconds later, the plant turns back into a very confused Nora and Calamastia starts laughing. “Mistake with your magic?”

Nora pushes up off the floor, shaking her head. “Hazards of the job.”

“And this is why I don’t use magic.” Calamastia grins before turning back to the chests. The remaining contain some junk weapons and armour, a few precious stones and one full of low value coinage.

“You’re free now!” Enna declares with glee as she removes the shackles from a group of battered humans.

“Blessings be upon you.” The woman closest to Elamon says before fleeing from the last of the slave tents.

The rest of the freed prisoners repeat the woman and run off from the camp.

_____

“Annnnnd scene,” Steph announces, “We’ll do XP and levelling next session, I really need to get started on this paper.”

“All good.”

“It’s cool.”

“I don’t mind.”

The call goes dead and Max sighs before pressing a few kisses into Chloe’s neck. “That was fun.”

“That was a pretty big fight, two whole sessions if you count all those patrols.” Chloe smiles down at her before planting a few kisses on those freckled cheeks. “For a potted plant, you’re pretty cute.”

“Don’t let Lisa hear you, she gets real jealous.” Max snickers as she takes the laptop off of Chloe’s lap.

“Oh yeah, how do you know that I’m not giving her a little something when you’re in class.”

Max’s response is to straddle Chloe’s lap, her fingers sliding up into her blue hair as she settles in place. Chloe’s hands slide up her things and hips in response. “Because I know there’s no way you’re going to do something for my plant that you haven’t done for me.”

Whatever Chloe’s witty retort might have been, it’s cut off by their lips meeting as Max kisses her with passionate force. Not about to complain, she goes along for the ride with Max, returning all the passion and before long the tongue as Max makes fists in her hair. Chloe’s hands aren’t shy, moving over Max’s hips and ass, rubbing, squeezing, her thumbs hooking under the waistband.

Her nail tickles over Max’s hip bones, earning her a soft groan vibrating through the kiss.  _ I mean, I know she’s pent up and I’m starting to heal, maybe I could use my hand, give her a bit of relief? _

A knock on the door spoils the thought as Max pulls back with an annoyed groan, “Yes?”

“Hey you two.” Kate’s voice comes through the door, “I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. Is this a good time?”

_ And you couldn’t have just messaged us? _ Chloe’s eyes dart up to Max’s, who sags and slides out of Chloe’s lap. “Yeah, come on in Kate.”

Max’s door slowly opens and Kate slips into the room with the two, apparently she notices the state of Chloe’s hair because her face goes a bit red. “I can come back later…”

“It’s fine.” Chloe says with a shrug despite how much she wishes she was alone with Max right now. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to double check about tomorrow afternoon, since you said you’re feeling well enough to leave the dorms…”

_ This could have just been a text... _

Max nods and sits down next to Chloe, who wraps an arm around her shoulders. “That’s still the plan.”

“Did you want my help with that? Just in case?”

“I mean sure, I don’t really trust Trev or Justin to catch me if I fall and Max probably isn’t strong enough on her own. But both of you might be able to.”

“Tori also offered to help. It’s so exciting that you think you’re able to use the stairs again!”

“As much as I love Max’s dorm and getting her all to myself, it’ll be nice to go outside again.” Chloe says, pulling Max in close to her and smiling a bit at her reassuring weight.

At the gesture, Kate’s face quickly reddens further as beats a hasty retreat, ““Well, um, I’ll leave you two be.”

“Tori?” Max asks once the door closes again and she resumes her former position straddling Chloe.

“There’s something going on with them, I’m pretty sure.” Chloe shrugs as her hands slide back up to Max’s hips, the warmth of the mood coming back in an instant.

Max nods slowly as she chews on her lip for a moment. “Yeah, I think I can see it. Now how about we get something going on here?”

“Damn Caulfield, you are a bold one.” Chloe grins as Max leans in and their lips meet again and Max’s tongue presses in almost immediately, not that Chloe is complaining.

Quite the opposite in fact, being so exhausted from recovery and so careful with her injury has Chloe as pent up as she’s ever been, and while she ignores the pressing need down below, she’s more than happy to give Max what she wants.  _ Just take it slow, this is Max’s first time. No need to go all out, not that I really can. Just get her off once and let her come down. We can work our way up from there. _

Her thumbs hook under Max’s waistband and make a quick tug downwards before stopping and waiting to see how she reacts. Max breaks off the kiss and presses her lips in close to Chloe’s ear, her hot breath rolling over Chloe’s ear as she whispers. “Yes.”

_ God damn consent is sexy.  _ The word sends a shiver through Chloe as she wastes no time in getting Max’s pants down over her hips, along with her panties. Max pulls back a bit, her face flushed and her eyes so full of need that it makes Chloe’s breathing stop for a moment.  _ Holy shit, she wants me so fucking badly right now. Max actually wants me. _

Sure, it wasn’t long ago that they’d nearly jumped right to sex after their first admission of love, but the idea still feels so new and exhilarating. Max’s hands move to tug at Chloe’s shirt, and Chloe obliges Max as best she can and soon she’s lying topless in front of Max. “Grab the gloves?” Max nods and leans over to open the drawer of her beside the table and pulls out the box of latex gloves she’d picked up a few days ago.  _ Alright, here we go then. _ “Oh, and ditch the shirt.”

“Getting greedy are we?” Max asks as she hesitates for a moment before tossing her shirt and bra aside before slowly resuming her place atop Chloe’s hips, her body tense and unsure.

Chloe can’t help herself, her eyes roaming over Max’s upper body.  _ I really need to start drawing again, Max is fucking beautiful, those god damn freckles. And she’s nowhere near as shy as I thought she was going to be, like she’s still kinda shy, but she’s not letting it stop her.  _ “I mean it’s you, duh. Just relax, I know what I’m doing.”

Max nods slowly and she presses in closer, her chest at Chloe’s mouth level. “Alright...”

After giving Max a second to adjust, Chloe’s hands go for Max’s breasts as she seals her lips to Max’s neck. Quickly earning her a high pitched blissful groan. She’s careful to not leave a hickey, instead she trails kisses and nibbles down Max’s neck to her collar bone. Her hands are also hard at work, pawing, rubbing and finally rolling Max’s hardening nipples between her fingers. Max’s mouth moves to Chloe’s ear again, whispering hot and low moans to her, making Chloe’s hair stand up on the back of her neck and the pressing need in her pants get all the more insistent.

She keeps denying that urge, trying to keep it from spoiling the moment, instead she focuses on moving Max so her mouth can find a sensitive nipple. There’s no resistance from Max, even though Chloe misses her moans as Max clams up in an instant now that she can’t whisper her reactions.

Part of Chloe takes it as a challenge as her mouth starts working in earnest, her tongue flicking and her mouth making as much suction as she can.  _ I fucking dare you to stay quiet. _

With her mouth occupied, Chloe gropes blindly for the gloves, grabs them and puts one on, taking care to make it snap theatrically to get Max’s attention. Her mouth gives up it’s attack for a moment so she can gauge Max’s reaction.

Max doesn’t need much reading, her breath coming as a breathy whisper. “I want it. I want it so fucking badly.”

“Can do.” Chloe grins as she slides her hand in between Max’s thighs and her mouth returns to her chest.

Max’s hands slide up into Chloe’s hair again as she starts to gently feel around for just how ready to go she is. Even through the gloves, she can tell that Max is more than ready, everything is slick and hot as hell.  _ Well, here goes. _

Sliding her fingers up, she presses her hand lightly against Max’s mound, grinning around the nipple captured in her mouth as she feels her shudder.  _ Alright Max, you’re so not ready for this. _

With deliberate slowness, she drags her fingers across Max’s vulva, her middle finger on Max’s slit as it dips in to spread her lips before honing in on her real target: the clit. Contact with it sends a shudder through Max and her hands clenched into fists in Chloe’s blue locks, while an electric thrill spreads across Chloe’s chest. She starts small, little circles and then side to side, just to see what Max likes more. Turns out side to side is the ticket, if her suddenly ragged breathing is anything to go by.

Slowly increasing speed, she flicks her finger back and forth, her tongue mirroring the motion and quickly Max’s jolts and shudders come fast and faster, her breath hitching and a hand freeing itself from Chloe’s hair so she can bite down on a finger.  _ Holy fuck I wish we could get loud, it’d be so fucking hot. _

Chloe gives Max no respite, her finger settling into a steady, rapid rhythm as her mouth switches to the other nipple. Max leans into her, pressing forwards and taking her other hand out of Chloe’s hair to press it against the far wall and keep her balance. Her breath hisses unevenly around the finger before she drops the hand from her mouth, gripping Chloe’s shoulder with it. Max’s voice is a hot whine, dripping with need. “H-holy fuck.”

Chloe gives up on Max’s chest as the way her back is arching pulls everything out of reach of her mouth. “Getting close?”

“Yes… Please Chloe…”

“Better take care of how pent up you are.” Chloe says with a low chuckle as she presses her finger up even harder, daring Max to let out the loud noises they both know they need to keep hidden.

“Chloe… O-oh Chloe…” Max whines, her fingers digging deep into her lover’s shoulder.

Chloe feels it before Max says anything, her hips spasming against her hand, the way her breath catches and her muscles tense. Her heart swells in triumph as Max bites down on her lower lip, stifling the cries as she hunches forwards, her body rocking back and forth as she rides out the orgasm. The finger doesn’t stop moving until Max does, then Max basically collapses onto her, spent and panting.

“Better?” Chloe grins down at her. The whole scene doesn’t feel real, like this is just another dream that won’t come to pass. But it’s real, Max is here and Chloe just did that to her.

“Y-yeah… I’m. uh, seeing stars…”

“Not bad for a first time, huh?”

“You’re pretty amazing.” Max lazily replies as she rolls off of Chloe and collapses onto the bed. “My legs are jelly.”

“Well I can’t carry you to the bathroom.” Chloe chuckles as she peels off the glove.

“Who said we were done?” Max’s sly grin makes Chloe shiver, the pressing urges rearing their head once again.

“There something you want?”

Max’s reply is so full of desire that it catches her totally off guard and sends goosebumps running all over Chloe. “I want to make you feel good too.”

As much as Chloe wants to say yes, as much as her desires demand attention, she shoves it all down. She’s not ready for that, not with Max and not yet, no matter how much her body craves it. “Not… now, okay?”

There’s a pause from Max, but she nods, her hand taking Chloe’s and their fingers entwining. “That’s okay, whenever you’re ready.”

“You sure you want that anyways? You’re gay.”

“Of course I do, I love  _ you _ .” Max says softly, pressing kisses into Chloe’s forearm. “And I want to return the favour when you’re ready.”

“I…” Chloe breathes in deeply and sighs. “I’ll work up to it, okay? When I’m more healed.”

“I can wait.” Max says softly as she presses into Chloe’s side. “I should probably go clean up.”

“Sure you can walk?”

“I think I can manage that.” Max says with a soft giggle. “Might wobble a bit though.”

“Want to borrow my cane?”

“That might just get people asking even more questions.” Max teases as she hauls herself up to her feet. “Are you going to be okay though?”

“Hey, I’ve got the morning to myself. I can take care of it if I have to.”

Max hovers a moment, looking like she wants to say something but nodding instead. “I’d better go pee before I fall over.”

“Go, go! I’m not exactly about to wander off.”

The door clicks closed and Chloe groans softly, running her fingers through her hair, full of frustration at her injury and her own hangups.  _ Why the fuck am I freaking out about this? It’s not like Rachel didn’t do stuff with it. _

_ Yeah but Max isn’t Rachel, I don’t know if Rach was bi or pan or whatever, but Max is gay as hell. She’s probably just saying that to make me feel less shitty, but seeing or doing anything with it… _

Chloe grunts from the pain as she forces herself up to her feet.  _ Fuck tucking, I’ll just get into pajama pants and get under the covers. _

Grabbing the novelty claw toy that Max got when she was hanging out around town with Waldo or whatever his name was, she heads over to the closet and pulls out the pajama pants that Kate had gotten for her, along with a bunch of other things from Portland thrift shops. Probably on Victoria’s dime, but Chloe isn’t going to complain about not having to steal new clothes for the first time in like forever.

She drops her pants to the floor, avoiding looking down as much as she can.  _ Uuuuugh, maybe Rachel’s constant reassurance was what kept it from being so bad? Or maybe I just got used to it with her and I’ve gotta do that with Max again. Fucking bullshit. Life would have been so much easier if I was a fucking ciswoman. None of this shit, just let Max go to town down there. _

She steps out of her pants and pokes the pajama pants with the grabber until she can step into them and pulls them up with the grabber until her hand can reach, pulls them up again and half heartedly kicks her pants off nearish to the hamper.  _ Fuck it, that’ll do. _

Next up is her hormones, which are waiting for her next to her water bottle on the desk, then she’s crawling back into the covers when the door opens and Max slips back in, with an annoyed look on her face. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah.” Max waves a hand as she starts pulling out her own pajamas. “Courtney was just hassling me.”

“About me?” Chloe asks as she politely looks away as Max starts undressing.  _ What am I doing, I just saw everything she’d want to cover up anyways. _

“Yeah, stupid crap that I’m not going to dignify by repeating. I seriously don’t get what her problem is.”

“Bitchitis?” Chloe scoots over, pulling up the blankets so Max has a place to nestle in next to her, and in short order Chloe rolls back over as her girlfriend crawls into bed.

“Probably. Totally killed my afterglow.” Max huffs as she settles into being Chloe’s little spoon, wiggling in close.

“We’ll have to roll a firecracker under her door or something. That’ll fucking teach her.”

Max snickers softly, “No explosives. We’ll just… avoid her or stick together.”

“She’s just one TERFy bitch, what’s the worst she could do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Axes flash, broadsword swing  
> Shining armour's piercing ring  
> Horses run with polished shield  
> Fight Those Bastards till They Yield"
> 
> \-- March of Cambreath - Heather Alexander
> 
> Look at that, another chapter in a vaguely timely matter, and featuring D&D and some smut! How about that?
> 
> Looks like D&D chapters are going to be my go to for time skips, I hope everyone is cool with that, because I certainly have fun with it. Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
